My World of Strawberries and Cream
by Yuki-Sorano
Summary: AU: Tsuzuki is a member of an assassination group of people with special powers that handle those who are too much for the normal police. Playing the happy idiot who's world is strawberries and cream, Tsu is dieing inside. TsuxHi UPDATE! chp 10 is here :
1. My World of Strawberries and Cream

DISCLAIMER: you've read this a million times by now right? *ahem*! I do not own any of the  
  
charicters in this story (unless they're an OC and in such case i will let you know but   
  
until that time, none of them are mine) all be long to the great manga-ka Yoko Matsushita.  
  
This is just me having too much time on my hands and having just watched the dvds too much,  
  
mix in a little insomnia and you get the makings of most fanfiction!  
  
WARNINGS: This is Au, and with that all OOC are abolished! HAHA! Well, I'll try and keep   
  
their character though. Acctually I'd like to keep all the characters in character,  
  
but because it is an AU alot of them are...different because of their situations aren't the  
  
same as in the manga. Well anyways, PLZ DON'T KILL ME!! This is my first fic ever, so   
  
be kind ^_^; Also I've read the manga so I'm gonna toss in some chars. that arn't in the   
  
moves, but I'll let ya know when.  
  
Pairings: Definatly a TsuxSoka fic, but as to the other ones, well that's complicated.  
  
Plot wise I've already figuared out the ENTIRE plot...just not how I'm gonna make it end...  
  
will it be happy? Sad? EVEN I DON'T KNOW!! AHHhh! the suspence is good right now...well   
  
atleast for me :P   
  
It's written First Person POV, but when he thinks actual word words, they're in ('..')  
  
Now, on with the story!   
  
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My World of Strawberries and Cream.  
  
  
  
Strawberries...  
  
Soft milk.... cream.  
  
melting warmly...  
  
My eye's hazed over in contentness. The warmth that corsed from this simple joy was like  
  
a ward against the cold white snow that surrounded my body. A magic all in it's own.  
  
Now that was a thought, and not one that I couldn't believe. Not having magic be what was  
  
in question, no doubt as to THAT existence, but this, could THIS thing be magic?   
  
Why not?  
  
It was all there is right now, and it is all I need. Nothing else matters, not like  
  
it ever did now, did it?  
  
'Oh now, were was thinking like that going to get me?' rolling onto my back, the snow gave  
  
an offending crunch under my weight. My eyes lazily rolled over to look at my hand. More like  
  
the glove that covered it. I'm dressed in a full white jacket with fur that rims the hood.  
  
White glove, white snowpants, white boots....  
  
"The better to see you with my dear." my voice seems like was just a whisper now, one that  
  
didn't even break the night's air, but remained infolded in it.  
  
The night sky is so dark. It doesn't even seem to be blue at all. Well not a sky blue,  
  
of course not, but maybe, even at night, the sky seems to have just a hint of blue hidden in   
  
it. It promises the next day will come. It means that the sun is still there, hidden from   
  
us, but that blue, it's the promise it gives; the promise to return.   
  
A promise...to return....  
  
My head seems to fill with clouds of it's own. Hazy as my thoughts are, there's a new one that  
  
enters when I think of these words. I scrunch my face as I try and place the importance to them.  
  
It's important, I know it is. I KNOW it! Yet...  
  
"What? Did it have a sour center?" A voice that broke the air around me and ripped all  
  
of my conflicting thoughts apart, concentration lost.  
  
"No, Tatsumi-san, I was just trying to remember something is all." I look over to the man   
  
who is sitting under a tree right next to my relaxed form. His glasses have sheened over and  
  
I can't see his eye's, but I can tell he's tensed. Not that I would have been able to tell  
  
from his face though either mind you, he's a complete poker face!   
  
He's always been so calm and collected. It took me five years of working with this man to   
  
finaly be able to read even the slightest of his exprestions. When he came to the NSF, I   
  
thought he was a just a tight wad accountant. Oh, and one can't forget scary either. I   
  
thought he was going to kill me when I first came back from assignment with a hundred dollars  
  
in food bills signed over to the department. Well, hehe, I suppose that's not quite right,  
  
he DID try to kill me! I had to hide in the Count's Archive room for the whole day! Now the  
  
Count says I owe him, or something like that, and he want's to collect...but he doesn't want  
  
money he says...  
  
"Why are you making that face? Are you sick?" Tatsumi states rather flatly, again   
  
disrupting this freezing nights air.  
  
"Ahhh...I might be," He sits up slightly ready to move to my aid if I'm going to hurl, but   
  
I give a strained smile and wave him back down with my hand. "No, no, I'm fine. Really!"  
  
Oh, there it is again, that stupid happy voice of mine.  
  
Now I feel sick for a different reason.  
  
"Look," I point into the clearing, happy to have a diversion. An SUV has pulled up to the   
  
cabin in the clearing that we've been keeping watch over. Tatsumi pulls out some binoculars,  
  
but I don't bother: I don't need them. It's three men, that get out. I squint my eyes and can   
  
see that the man we were waiting for is the one leading the trio to the cabin. The cabin already   
  
has light breaking through it's windows and smoke billowing from the chimney. He stops at the   
  
door and knocks before the door is opened up and the three rush in to escape the cold.  
  
I start to push myself up from the snow, not even bothering to dust myself off. Tatsumi   
  
has already cocked his gun by the time I get mine ready. He noddes to me and I return the   
  
affirmation. The shadows the pine trees that have been marring this white snow with, now trun and   
  
twist.   
  
They start to bend in unnatural ways.  
  
  
  
Bend to the will of my partner.  
  
Tatsumi remained focused, calling out silently to that same darkness that pooled around and  
  
underneath us. The shadows began pulling on me, dragging me into their center. It was always a   
  
disturbing feeling, beening sucked into the darkness of Tatsumi's shadows.  
  
It was...or seemed, maybe too much, like we were beeing pulled down into death.  
  
'Oh now, that's not such a bad thought!' I smirk at the irony and humor of my inner voice as  
  
I'm pulled into the black abyss.  
  
It was more then ironic, it was fitting. There is nothing in this world.  
  
Nothing. This whole world, and everything in it.  
  
It's nothing, but hell. Yes, this world, it must be just that.  
  
Strawberries  
  
Soft milk....cream  
  
The last of the warmth trickles down my throat, the last pleasure I was holding on to.  
  
'Yes, this world and everything in it, it's nothing, nothing but hell.' My last thought's,  
  
as I keep that stupid smile on my face, as I'm pulled into the abyss, the last thing, the   
  
only thing that comes to my mind now:  
  
'How fitting for a thing like me?'  
  
.............TBC  
  
*********************************  
  
Short right? But it's just the prologue so it's okay ^_^; ahahah...ahhh *cough*!  
  
Any~who, next part is chapter one, and I get to introduce my fav. character!  
  
review and lemme' know what you think, plz #^_^#!!  
  
ja ne? 


	2. A Window of Colors

DISCLAIMER: Yoko Matsushita is GOD of all yami no matsuei.....I'm just having fun is all :p  
  
  
  
Also I've finally done it! Any OC!! NOT a mary sue I assure you. So, the character Rina Ito  
  
is mine, all mine :)  
  
  
  
WARNINGS: The rating will go up maybe later, but for right now it's all thanks to violence  
  
and language. Oh, and watch out for flying OOC'ness in characters, hey, it can't helped it's  
  
an AU...well that's my excuse at least ^_^;  
  
  
  
PAIRINGS: TsuxSoka, and some...other ones (Wait for it ;p)  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
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My World of Strawberries and Cream.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A Window of Colors  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A broad grin pulls at my lips, water fills my mouth and my eyes at the sight before me.  
  
Ribbons and bows are tied all around the basket, a beautiful, beautiful basket brimming with all  
  
kinds of confections and sweets of every flavor and color. I'm tempted to pinch myself, to find  
  
out if this is a dream or reality, but I stop myself short of my face. If this is a dream, then  
  
I don't want to wake up! I hurriedly grab up the gift in a hug and can't help but to beam a   
  
smile up at the bestower of my happiness.  
  
  
  
"San~kyu, Tatsumi-san!!" I would have giving him a huge hug, had that not meant dropping  
  
my oh so precious treasure of sweet goodness! Tatsumi adjusted his glasses and let a ghost of a   
  
smile appear on his face. Watari, our resident scientist and literal guineas, ran over to me,  
  
nearly crushing me in a vice like hug. I, of course, kept the gift basket out stretched far away  
  
from his killer embrace.  
  
  
  
"AWWW~! Look at him, Tatsumi," Watari began as he started to pinch at my cheeks and pull  
  
at them, making my face look more then comical. "He's soooo~ CUTE!!"  
  
  
  
"Waa-ga-di! Stu-d eet, eet hu-uets!!" I can barely see his face has gushed with an ear   
  
to ear grin as I feel the skin on my face pulled in directions it should never have gone.  
  
  
  
"Hmmm?" He stops mid pull, yet doesn't let go. "What was that Tsuzuki? You sound kinda  
  
weird today?"  
  
  
  
"Emf ED eEt OugH!!"  
  
  
  
"Ahhh! You DO sound bad! Well then," That innocent smile of his changes to a viscouse one,  
  
like a wolf who'd caught his pray in a trap, "I'm going to have to take you to the lab and...run   
  
some tests!" A cold shiver attacks my body and I just KNOW where this is going. Watari is the   
  
scientist, one who doubles as a nurse when needs be, but after working with him as long as I have,  
  
I don't even touch the coffee in the brake room after he's gotten to it! Watari has an odd habit   
  
of treating everyone in the department as his personal guinea pigs, slipping all kinds of odd   
  
formulas into food, drinks, and anything else he might be able to get someone to ingest, with or   
  
without their consent....or knowledge. He defends himself by saying that it would all stop if   
  
Tatsumi would give him the funds he needs to get proper testing equipment.  
  
  
  
Let's just say that Tatsumi's priorities don't seem to include our safety over his budget.   
  
  
  
"Watari-san," Tatsumi's neutral voice stops Watari who still has me by the face and had   
  
started to drag me off to his lab. I turn relief flooded eyes up to my savior. I just knew Tatsumi  
  
wouldn't just stand by and let Watari have his way with me! Tatsumi looks straight on at both of  
  
us and continues as he turns his back to us,"...the chief expects us all to be in the briefing in   
  
five minutes."   
  
  
  
Waterfalls burst from my eye's, 'I just knew it was too good to hope for...'  
  
  
  
Watari finally lets go of my cheeks and smiles back to me and shrugs , "Well, I can wait,  
  
I suppose till after." Watari turned and followed Tatsumi out of the my office to go to the   
  
briefing room. My head falls slack as I realize that after this meeting, my fate will be sealed.   
  
Who knows what he would do to me. There was that one time he turned someone's skin green for a week,   
  
or made a peony sprout off another persons head! For being a guineas Watari sure seems to screw up   
  
his formulas a lot.  
  
  
  
My eye's roam over to the gift basket on my desk. Tatsumi had given it to me, saying it  
  
was for how successful the mission turned out down in Hokushu. I felt nothing at those words of  
  
praise. Not that this wasn't something to be proud of! Takushita, our target, was a man who ran  
  
an underground group of child slave traders. Orphans, runaways, abducted children, all were run   
  
through his dirty little underground. That in itself, while sick as it was, was not something   
  
that would grant us, the NSF, to interfere. It wasn't till he started making deals with devils   
  
that we could step in.  
  
  
  
Yeah, devils. Honest to god devils. He was selling the children to the demons, in return  
  
he was being granted power, and near immortality. I did say NEAR.   
  
  
  
In that cabin, that time, after we left the shadows, Tatsumi and I killed them all. Our   
  
guns and the bonus of surprise aloud us to kill almost everyone else in there within seconds. The  
  
battle with Takushita was a little different. The bullets didn't work, but we expected something to  
  
that effect. It took awhile, but I was able to get past Takushita's demon hounds, using my ofudo,  
  
and pinned him to the ground, locking away his powers with a soul binding spell.  
  
  
  
I killed him.  
  
  
  
I ripped apart his throat with my hands.  
  
  
  
Gingerly, I lift my hand to my face, taking in it's sent. It still reaks of blood. I had  
  
still been wearing those white gloves, now turned black with what should have been that mans blood.  
  
No matter how much I wash my hands, they still smell of blood, a smell that follows me everywhere   
  
it seems. A frown touches my lips. It's a small thing I suppose, really. I just wish I didn't   
  
constantly have to smell like blood.  
  
  
  
I'm still standing here like an idiot, arn't I? Tatsumi will be really mad if I'm late   
  
to the meeting after he JUST told me about it! I sigh and move to head for the door, before   
  
something catches me eye. There, under some of the sweets in the basket, is a familiar colored   
  
wrapper. I walk over to the pile of sweets and push some aside. Okay, so it's not like I don't  
  
like the gift. It's not like I don't LIKE sweet things, gods no! In fact, it's one of the only   
  
things I like about this whole world. Instant pleasure and requiem is offered in any sugary   
  
confection, it's so simple, so very simple and I guess most think I'm an idiot for how I would   
  
give anything for them, yet, what can be said about something that can make you forget everything  
  
in the world, everything save for that taste, that texture, that smell. Well, I must be an idiot,  
  
I sound like one now don't I? Oh there it is! My careful digging reveal what I was searching   
  
for, a small bag of strawberry and cream taffy. These were hand made and sold in a candy shop I   
  
found when Tatsumi and I went to Hokushu. I can't help but smile lightly as I pick up the bag.  
  
We only stopped by that store once, I never even noticed that Tatsumi had bought anything. Well,  
  
it was a candy shop and me being me, I don't think I could have noticed if Tatsumi had run around  
  
naked with sparklers! Ahh, well, I might have noticed that...  
  
  
  
Remembering Tatsumi, I mentally kick myself as I snatch up the bag, hiding it in my suit  
  
pocket, and rush out of my office full speed to the conference room. I make it down the hall,   
  
charging around the corner. There must have been someone right around the bend, because I see a   
  
a pair of wide green eye's and a pale face as I come crashing head first into the person. I fall  
  
over, unable to keep my feet under me and close my eyes to brace for the painful fall the hard   
  
tile floor promises me. I fell, true enough, but the landing wasn't hard at all. Infact it was  
  
rather soft, and...warm?   
  
  
  
'Wait, tile floors arn't warm, well they shouldn't be soft either. And they sure as heck  
  
don't shake like this do they?'  
  
  
  
"THAT'S BECAUSE I'M NOT A FLOOR, DUMB ASS!!" An infuriated voice rips through my ears.  
  
  
  
'And they SURE don't use language like that...' I inwardly wince and prepare to do the   
  
usual grovel and apology. 'I'm such a klutz.' Using my arms, I push my body up and open my mouth  
  
to give a brief apology, when I stop. Underneath me is a boy, just in between being a child and a  
  
man. He has blond hair and pale skin that contrast greatly with his cold green eyes. He was truly a   
  
sight to behold, and while that was true, what really surprised me, besides those chilled green eyes  
  
of his, was himself. He was a KID. What in the seven hells was a KID doing here in NSF?!? Was it  
  
'bring your child to work day,' and I missed the memo?? My expression twisted in confusion and fear.  
  
'What if he somehow snuck in? It's not safe for him here, no matter who he is, if the other's found   
  
him...'  
  
  
  
"Well...?" A cold harsh tone jerked me from my thoughts. I focus again at the sight   
  
before me and realize I've still got the youth pinned beneath me. I didn't know people could   
  
blush that shade of red.  
  
  
  
"Oh, sorry for running into you, I'm late so I was just...hehe," I offer in way of   
  
explanation. I offer my hand to help him up. He looks at my hand with what I could swear was   
  
disgust, before pushing himself up on his own accord. He brushes off his jeans and gives me a   
  
death glare before, moving to head past me. I grab his arm to stop him, after all, I've been in  
  
the NSF the longest, and I sure as heck don't know him. I can't just let someone suspicious   
  
wander around headquarters! The second my hand makes contact with him, he stops dead in his   
  
tracks, his eye's go wide, and I wonder if I've squeezed him too tightly. He proves that thought  
  
wrong by roughly jerking his arm away from my hand. He's breathing hard as he keeps those eye's  
  
of his trained on me.  
  
  
  
"Keep your hands OFF me," He commands through clenched teeth.   
  
  
  
I was about to grab him again, to demand what he was doing here, but somehow, I couldn't  
  
move my body. It was as if an outward force was being used against me. My body was refusing to  
  
acknowledge me! It froze under that gaze. Somehow, it felt as though those eye's could seen   
  
through me. Through ALL of me. Like I was stripped naked then and there. It was not a feeling   
  
anyone would normally welcome, for me...   
  
  
  
'I can't be laid bare like that...If that happens, I'll be...'  
  
  
  
"Don't worry," The boy states as he turns slightly, his gaze only partly remains on me,   
  
"I'm suppose to be here." He takes a hand out of his pocket and shows me an ID card for our  
  
section. I move my hand to take the card, thanking the gods that my body has decided to obey me   
  
again. As I grab the card from him he quickly takes his hand away so we won't touch. It was a   
  
small motion, but I didn't miss it.  
  
  
  
'I'm quite a monster if even this kid won't touch me,' I smile lightly at the thought.  
  
The kid shifts uncomfortably in the corner of my eye, but his gaze isn't upon me. I return my  
  
attention to inspecting the ID card. It contained all the basic information. His name was   
  
Hisoka Kurosaki, he was sixteen years old, and...  
  
  
  
"WHAT?!" My eye's must be bugging out of my head with the look I'm getting from this   
  
'Hisoka' now. They MUST be, because what this says can't be right! It Says he's not just a   
  
member of the NSF, but he's an agent. An AGENT!! There's no such thing. This can't be right!.  
  
'There's no WAY they'd let a child be and agent. It's absurd!'  
  
  
  
Hisoka is glaring at me again and it looks like he really wants to hit me, even his hands   
  
have curled tightly around his arms and his foot is tapping impatiently. "What's your problem?   
  
You're gapping like a fish." His tone is cynical and impatient. I pull my mouth closed and   
  
hand him back his card.  
  
  
  
"It's just...well, you seem really young to be an agent is all." He snatches back the card  
  
from my grasp and puts it back in his pocket.  
  
  
  
"What? Is there an age limit on joining or some thing?" He sarcastically remarks. I've   
  
never thought about that before, but, now that I do, I'd say YES! After all, agents kill, it can't   
  
be helped. It's written in the job description! I can't help, but pity the kid.   
  
  
  
'children shouldn't be made to do things like this.'  
  
  
  
"Hey!," He's giving me a death glare again and I'm really starting to wonder if he has any  
  
other expressions...well there was that blush, the was cute. "Hey!! would you stop that!"  
  
  
  
"Huh?" Oh look, there's that blush again!  
  
  
  
"Don't think of me like I'm a CHILD!"  
  
  
  
"What? I didn't say anything." I put my hands up in show of defense. I feel my lips   
  
strain in a smile that I hope will calm the boy. He must not be a morning person if this is how  
  
long he can stay angry. The my sleeve of my suit falls down a little and I notice my watch on my  
  
wrist.  
  
  
  
"Oh, crap! I'm late, I'm late! He's going to kill me," I quickly bow to the boy, "Sorry   
  
for running into you like that. I'll make it up to you!" I turn and continue my way down the   
  
hall calling over my shoulder, "Since you are working for the NSF, I'll buy you lunch next time   
  
I see you!" The boy just looks back at me like I've grown a tail or second head. I'll apologize   
  
better next time I see him, but in order to LIVE that long, I'm going to have to figure out a good  
  
excuse to tell Tatsumi when I see him.  
  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
  
  
"And...?" I've been trying to make myself shrink down in size since I first entered the   
  
room. Just what did Tatsumi expect of me anyway? I've NEVER been on time for anything. I can't   
  
stop myself from wringing my hands, I already told him I was late because I ran over a person in  
  
the hall. Okay, so I left out the part where I was just hanging around my office, but still! I  
  
can hear a tired sigh from across the room, I take that as my cue to look up. Tatsumi waves his  
  
hand dismissively muttering something and invites me to sit down. Glad at his never ending   
  
patients, I happily hope over to my seat next to Watari, who is currently giving me a sympathetic  
  
smile.   
  
  
  
As I take me seat, I notice the Chief yawning over his cup of coffee. He moved and took   
  
the seat across from Watari, signaling Tatsumi to start the meeting. The Chief is an older man,   
  
somewhere in his fifties, or at least I THINK he is. He won't tell anyone his age. However   
  
chief Konoe is a really good man. He works really hard, and looks out for all the employees in  
  
his division. He's always been like a father to me, and if it weren't for him, I wouldn't even   
  
be here.  
  
  
  
After all, he saved me, from that place...  
  
  
  
Thoughts and bits of memories flash through my mind. None of them bring forth anything   
  
even close to a pleasant feeling. Quickly I shake me head, as if I could physically toss those   
  
memories away from the front of my thoughts. Oddly, though, it seems to work as the memories   
  
again retreat to the background of my mind. Things like that, I don't need to remember things   
  
like before.   
  
  
  
I was saved form that place by the chief, I don't need to remember anything before the   
  
NSF. This is the fate I have accepted for myself. When I first came here, it wasn't a choice to  
  
remember or not, I couldn't. I couldn't even remember my own name. In time though, that blissful  
  
ignorance began to crack and flake away as memories from before began to push their way to the   
  
surface. They're still there, memories of who I was, what I did back then. Memories of places,   
  
faces, emotions, tears, they're all still there, so close to my surface. I can't let myself   
  
think about things too much, or I start to remember things... So far, I haven't remembered   
  
anything I don't want to have just washed away from me. But that tends to be a problem with   
  
memories, once they've stirred, they won't lay back down to the abyss from where they came. They  
  
stay with you, forever. Right now, it's better this way.  
  
  
  
A yellow folder is placed in front of me and I follow the retreating hand to the man   
  
sitting next to me. Watari gives me his beaming knowing smile and returns his eye's to Tatsumi.   
  
Tatsumi clicks a button and the room's lights turn off, and the projector in the center of the   
  
table hums to life.  
  
  
  
Right, work. I follow everyone's gaze to the pictures that cover the wall, and my stomach   
  
curls of it's own accord. It's a woman...or I THINK it's a woman. The eye's have been burned out,   
  
the arms were torn almost completely off. The chest... was a mutilation. Flesh ripped and hung  
  
in strips over the torso. There was a large whole where the heart should have been. Multiple   
  
deep cuts ran up her legs, her cloths suggested that the killer had taken more then just her blood  
  
in the end.   
  
  
  
"This, will be our new case," Tatsumi began,grimly. I try to look at the picture to glen   
  
all the information I can from it, but I can't look at it anymore. Turning my head away I look   
  
to the Chief, who has kept his eye's closed, no doubt he has already seen the file. Shifting my   
  
gaze to Watari, I find the blond scientist with eye's that are wide, his face a mask of horror   
  
and pity. "This is Yokote, Fusami... and this," there's a clicking sound made as the slide changes.  
  
I turn up to see the next slid only to see more of the same, or that's what I think at first till  
  
I notice that the bodies in the pictures are in two different locations; it's another body.   
  
"This is Nozaki, Akira...and this," another sicking click fills the silence of the room, another  
  
body displayed before us.   
  
  
  
"Sadamoto, Hajime," *click*  
  
  
  
"Ueda, Haruka," *click*  
  
  
  
"Iyadomi, Sanoe."  
  
  
  
"This is more then just killing..." The horrified tone in Watari's voice pulls me from   
  
the trance the dead Sanoe's eye's have cast upon me. "Look at the wounds on the ribs. The way  
  
they break out from the heart cavity. At first, it just looks like someone reached in and ripped  
  
their hearts out, but those wounds, could only have been made if... It looks the the rips were   
  
torn apart and pushed out from the INSIDE."  
  
  
  
"So it's a spell? A demon maybe?" I ask the question to no one in particular   
  
  
  
"Our biggest clue right now is this," Tatsumi changes the slide again and this time we see  
  
the murder scene from above. The body is laying in an ally, in the middle of what looks like a  
  
magic circle drawn in the victim's own blood.  
  
  
  
"Is it real?" Watari looks to Tatsumi who motions to the folder. We open it up and flip  
  
to the pages that have diagrams of the circle.  
  
  
  
"These's words are defiantly demonic." Watari adjusts he glasses to better see the document  
  
in the dark. "I can't read it though. It looks to be a branch off the main language. If I can   
  
figure out what branch it is, it could give us a clue just what kind of demon we're dealing with."  
  
  
  
"Don't eliminate the possibility that this could also be the work of a human." Tatsumi   
  
points out to Watari, who just looks quizzically at the older man. "Besides the diagrams we also  
  
found blood at the murder scene. Human blood, and not the victim's either."  
  
  
  
"You think a human did this?" I question Tatsumi, however it's the Chief who answerers.   
  
  
  
"We really don't know. It could be a demon who just used another human's blood in the   
  
spell, or it could be a human who has extensive knowledge of spells and Demonic tongue, or it   
  
could be a human possessed by a demon, or it could be something completely different. There's   
  
far too many inconsistencies and variables to take into account here. The only thing we do know,  
  
is what Watari has said. A force went into their bodies and the hearts were forced out from the  
  
inside. That's the only reason we even really HAVE this case. Other wise, it would have been   
  
written off as just a satanic serial killer and the police would be handling it." Tatsumi moves   
  
to turn off the projector and the lights flicker back on.  
  
  
  
"Don't forget, we're not the police. We don't handle murders, that's not why we're   
  
assigned this case. We are the NSF, we only got this case because it was deemed that these are  
  
more then just the works of a fanatical killer." Flipping through the file quickly I note the   
  
victim's different age's, sex, and social background.  
  
  
  
"Wait, so what do these victims have in common anyway?"  
  
  
  
"Nothing."  
  
  
  
"What??" I can't contain my outburst. These victims were all very ritualistically   
  
killed. In these type of killings, especially ones that involve such intricate spell work, there  
  
is always something that ties the victims of such acts together.  
  
  
  
"They have absolutely nothing in common, except the area of Nagasaki. It's where they   
  
lived, and where they were found dead." Tatsumi said stoically.  
  
  
  
"That's all we have," Konoe added on finalizing the briefing. Turning his tired eye's on  
  
Watari he made a motion to the folder. "Watari, we're going to need you to translate the spell   
  
and get us any information or leads from it."  
  
  
  
"Right, Chief!," Watari jumped up from his seat, saluting the Chief in his excitement at   
  
his assignment, "You can count on me!"  
  
  
  
"Then it looks like Tatsumi and I will be doing the foot work on this case." I   
  
grab my folder as I move to get up, but the Chief holds up his hand to stop me.   
  
  
  
"No, I need Tatsumi here."  
  
  
  
"What??" I can hear the whine in my voice already, but I can't help it! "But, you just   
  
said you needed Watari here to deciphering the spell. I'm not aloud to work a case alone!"   
  
Confusion is whipping my brain around. How could they send me out alone? I mean, I know we're  
  
short staffed, but that's a violation of regulations! Plus, the only other person they could   
  
send me out with, they can't. There's no way I could walk around the streets of Nagasaki with  
  
GuShoShin, I mean he'd stand out like a sore thumb!  
  
  
  
"Calm down Tsuzuki," Konoe pats my shoulder on his way to the door holding it open, and   
  
motioning me to follow him. "We can't send you out alone and we won't have to." I follow him  
  
out into the hallway as he starts to walk me to my office.  
  
  
  
"Actually we just received a new recruit. He was at the briefing room waiting for you to  
  
show, but since you were late, I just sent him to your office so he could settle in a little bit."  
  
  
  
"A partner?" Oh, somehow I was getting a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach.  
  
  
  
"He's already been briefed on the mission. It was just because of his...condition that  
  
we thought it better if he wasn't in the briefing with both you and Watari when you were shown   
  
the case."  
  
  
  
"'Condition?'"  
  
  
  
"I'll explain when I introduce you," Konoe stopped us right in front of my office, and the  
  
sinking feeling I had finnaly bottomed out when I saw the person waiting in my office.  
  
  
  
"Tsuzuki," Konoe gestured with his hand to the youth who looked like a deer caught in the   
  
headlights of a car, "this is Kurosaki, Hisoka. Hisoka, this is Tsuzuki, Asato."   
  
  
  
"Uh, hehe, h-hello again," I'm trying to smile and be friendly, but my somehow my eyebrow  
  
just keeps twitching. Of course it would make sense. He was new to the NSF, I didn't recognize   
  
him, and I'm the only employee at the time who doesn't have a set partner. They've given me   
  
Tatsumi or Watari for a temporary partner whenever there was an assignment. The words 'partner'  
  
and 'Tsuzuki' just don't mix. I've got a bad reputation around the NSF as the laziest slacker   
  
ever to hold the position... Okay, so I admit, it's not like I haven't earned the title. It does  
  
very little in the way of encouraging people to want to work with me, though, so they've been   
  
giving me the new recruits. They don't usually know what they're in for so they don't protest to  
  
work with someone else till after the first month or two. That's why the boy's next words weren't  
  
very shocking.  
  
  
  
"Him?? He's an idiot! There's no way I'm working with him!"  
  
  
  
Usually it took more then the first day for those words to come out...  
  
  
  
"Oh, so you already met?" Konoe is giving me his, 'just what did you do THIS time' stare.  
  
  
  
"If that's what you'd call 'meeting'!" There's a tint of a blush on his face as he   
  
crosses his arms in front of his chest.  
  
  
  
'Hehe, he looks really cute when he blushes and pouts like that!'  
  
  
  
"Stop that already!" Hisoka raises a finger accusingly at me, "I already told you before,  
  
stop thinking of me like a child!"  
  
  
  
"But, I never said that!" Desperately I turn to Konoe, giving him the most pleading look,  
  
"Right? I never said anything like that! I just said hello." The Chief looks like he's about  
  
to burst at the seams, laughter bubbling and escaping the hand he has pressed to his mouth.  
  
  
  
"N-now, now!" It's taking all his strength of will to keep the laughter from over coming  
  
his words. Why do I feel like the butt of someone's joke?  
  
  
  
"Remember what I said before, Tsuzuki? Hisoka has a special 'condition'. Hisoka here is  
  
EMPATHIC. He can sense emotions and thoughts, so..."  
  
  
  
"eh...EE~HH!!!??" Yeah, my slowed brain is finally beginning to piece it all together.  
  
  
  
'Wait, so that means that he heard everything I've thought so far?? EVEN NOW?!'  
  
  
  
"Well, it sure isn't hard," Hisoka's eye's lock onto mine, again I start to get the feeling  
  
he can see into my core. "You barely have any mental shield, and you're thoughts are so loud..."  
  
There's a pained expression, mixed with annoyance as he pushes his fingers into his temple.   
  
"I'll have nothing, but migraines if I have to work with this stooge!"  
  
  
  
'Well, that wasn't very nice.'  
  
  
  
"WOULD YOU SHUT UP ALREADY?!"  
  
  
  
"Tsuzuki," Konoe interjects in an effort to stop the tension that's escalated off the scale  
  
in the last five minutes, "It's best if you start practicing those mental shielding techniques you  
  
were taught in your training. You haven't forgotten, have you?" There's a weary look in the older  
  
mans eye's as he questions me. I know I'm not much in the way of an agent, but I haven't forgotten  
  
something so basic. I concentrate, relaxing my mind and pull it into myself. I must have succeeded   
  
because the boy's expression relaxes slightly.   
  
  
  
"Better?"  
  
  
  
"Hmph! About as good as could be expected."  
  
  
  
Well I walked right into that one. Konoe gives a slight nod of approval and moves for the  
  
door.  
  
  
  
"Hey," Hisoka calls after the older man before he can escape. "It's only temporary right?  
  
Once a position somewhere else is opened I can transfer, right?" Konoe give's a nod, and glances  
  
sadly at me.   
  
  
  
"Yes, but until that time, I need you both to cooperate on this case. I'll see what's   
  
open after the case is over." I could swear that Konoe looks like he's pitying me, I can hear it  
  
in his voice, and see it in that last glance he gives me before he leaves the small office.   
  
There's a clicking sound as the door closes, one that only helps to express the silence now left  
  
between me and my new 'partner'.  
  
  
  
"Well," I take the initiative and break the silence that only envelopes the room. "Since   
  
you already know the details of the mission," I lift up a my folder of information and gesture   
  
towards the door. "Might as well head down to Nagasaki," I finish with one of my winning smiles.  
  
Nagasaki is actually in my district, and is only a ten minute drive from HQ. Hisoka just gives   
  
me a calculated look, trying to read something about me, and for all I know, he probably can.   
  
It kind of makes me a little nervous, like I've been placed under the microscope. Fidgeting   
  
isn't what I want to be known for!   
  
  
  
'Ah well, skrew it.'  
  
  
  
"Come on," I bounce over to him, if my attitude throws him off, what I did next made him  
  
nearly die of shock! It's not such a big thing though, just me hooking my arm around his and   
  
hopping out of the office, heading to garage to get to the car.   
  
  
  
It's not such a big thing, really.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Rina Ito raised her slender arms far over her head, stretching muscles she'd forgotten   
  
she even had. The doctor was speaking some words to her mother who just seemed to smile a little  
  
and nod at them. She never listened to what the doctors said anymore, what's the point any ways?  
  
Nothing was ever going to change. No matter how many times they tested her, she would always be  
  
sick. No matter how much the forced her into those exercises, her legs were never going to work.  
  
She turned away from the look and colors of the hospital room to that of her window.   
  
  
  
There was always so much color outside that window. Spring, it was all a beautiful green,  
  
and pink, sakura trees bloomed and burst to life there. Summer, the flower beds of the hospital   
  
gardens gave way, opening finally to their full splendor. Fall, the maple trees turned fire red,   
  
flaming in the burning sunsets. Even in winter, the snow, was most colorful of all. At first   
  
morning's light, the snow reflected every color of the rainbow if you really looked at it. Yes,  
  
every season, for over five years now, she had sat in this bed. Looked out this very window.   
  
Anything was better then where she was now. It was cold, the room smelled of disinfectants, and  
  
the colors in the room... it was as if she was living in a world dead of color, dead of life. It  
  
was not the way she saw her life ever ending up. Not stuck in this black and white room, this   
  
world void of all brightness. Only the window was her company. After all these years though, she  
  
was starting to hate this beautiful view granted to her. To only ever stare out at the playing   
  
children. To only ever stare out, as someone else picked the flower she admired the most.   
  
To be confined in this prison until her body finally decided to join her and give up fighting.  
  
To give up completely, and just disappear.  
  
  
  
Why was she still alive? Was her body so bent on betraying her? To make her live as a   
  
shell of a human, to live in a shell of a world. Why did her body betray her own wish to die so  
  
much? All she wanted, all she wished for anymore, was that she would go to sleep, and not awake   
  
back to the lifeless ceiling. That she'd leave the needles, the tests, the pain, all of it. It  
  
was enough. Nothing more could be done, and everyone knew it. Yet still, everyone betrayed her  
  
just as her body had. They lied to her face, with promises that eventually a different treatment  
  
would work, a cure would be found, the pain would stop. Someone, a nurse, long since transferred,  
  
was the cruelest of all. She promised to take her out into the garden when she could leave the   
  
confines of her IVs and tubes that tied her down to all the different machines. She was still tied  
  
down. She still couldn't leave this place. She would NEVER leave this place.  
  
  
  
Something warm ran down her face, and dripped onto her hand. Gingerly lifting her hand,  
  
her fingers dabbed at her face, following this odd liquid's source to her own eye. Had she cried?  
  
her face twisted in disbelief. Bringing the fallen tear to her tongue, flicking it out to taste   
  
of the water there. Salty...? She was crying? It had been years since she last shed a tear.  
  
She had thought that she had no more to shed. She swore to herself she wouldn't shed another tear,  
  
no matter what! More hot tears fell from her eye's now, quickly soaking the sheets clenched in her  
  
hands. Her mother said something, had placed her hands on Rina's arms, but Rina was far from her  
  
mother's call, from her mother's warmth. The only warmth she felt now, was the the burning her   
  
tears made as the streaked upon her face.  
  
  
  
So, her body was going to betray her even in this?  
  
  
  
Life is cruel.  
  
  
  
..............TBC  
  
*********************************  
  
  
  
My little note's-you-can-skip-over-if-you-don't-wanna-read-this-crappy-kinda-stuff....  
  
  
  
  
  
Longer than the last one, ne? Ehh, well I hope so anyway. I was going to make this   
  
chapter longer, but thought this might be a good place to stop the madness.  
  
  
  
Oh, and I love angst, drama, and tragedy, so there will be much of the above in later   
  
chapters...actually I like useless fluff too so, ;)  
  
  
  
Fav. Character? SOKA-CHAN! Good call to Tenshiamanda on that one! Yes, I love that he's  
  
an assassin too. He seems so moody though. The story starts out kinda similar to the manga and  
  
anime, but, na. Trust me, this is a WHOLE nother universe for these guys. And plot? Yes I have  
  
one of those too ^_^ be warned though this is a Lo~ng story.   
  
  
  
I'm debating on switching POV's eventually, maybe, but most, if not all of the rest of   
  
the story, will be written from Tsuzuki's.  
  
  
  
cross that bridge when I get to it.  
  
  
  
I'm gonna try and get the next chapter posted tomorrow if I can.  
  
  
  
  
  
Also, it's okay to like Rina, I have no intention of having this OC turning this into a  
  
straight, none shounen-ai fic. I LIKE SHOUNEN-AI! That should be obvious by the pairing listed.  
  
  
  
At worst, she might become a swooning fan girl... uhh, I really don't have that written   
  
in here for her yet, but I kinda like the sound of that!  
  
  
  
PLZ TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK #^_^# All C&C welcome! 


	3. When I was a Child, I Spoke as a Child

Disclaimer: So far, only Rina Ito is my own original character, all the other yummy men in this  
  
story all belong to Yoko Matsushita.  
  
  
  
  
  
WARNINGS: Same warning as before, the rating will go up maybe later, but for right now it's all  
  
thanks to violence and language. Flying OOC'ness in characters, but it's an AU, so that can't   
  
be helped right?...hehe..heh...*cough*!  
  
  
  
PAIRINGS: TsuxSoka, and I finally get to dabble a little more in this area (hehe!)  
  
  
  
POV warnings, the point of view will change sometimes at the scene changes, hope it's not too  
  
confusing, but it's hard to use a Tsuzuki first person when he's not even in the scene, ne?  
  
  
  
  
  
Also, '..' is thoughts and /../ is a memory, okay?  
  
  
  
  
  
..........................................................................................  
  
  
  
  
  
My World of Strawberries and Cream.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
When I was a Child, I Spoke as Child  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
We made it to Nagasaki.   
  
  
  
I'm more shocked That I made it in one piece. My head was still pounding, well, at least  
  
the ringing has stopped in my ears. Did I mention that Hisoka's empathy is enhanced by touch?   
  
Well, that's probably because I didn't know! Did I also mention that Hisoka has a good right hook  
  
as well? I rub my hand over the sore spot on my head.  
  
  
  
It wasn't such a big thing, just me trying to be friendly.  
  
  
  
"Would you stop moping already?" Hisoka's voice was it's usual cold tone, with just a hint  
  
of irritation mixed in. Hmm, that sounds like baking...  
  
  
  
"What's with you??" Hisoka does a complete turn to stop right in front of me. I back   
  
step once, just so I don't bump into him. His eye's are fierce, and seem to be burning with an   
  
unasked question.   
  
  
  
"With me? What do you mean?" His finger flys to the center of my forehead, stopping   
  
just a few centimeters short of touching me. This is making me feel cross eyed right now.   
  
  
  
"You, in here. You're thoughts...They're all over the place! Can't you get it a little   
  
bit more together up there?"  
  
  
  
"That's an odd request."  
  
  
  
'Did I just say that out loud?'  
  
  
  
"F-O-C-U-S, or, are you unable to do that?"  
  
  
  
"Uhh...Maybe." My smile out in full force, and he just lookes at me like I'm a-  
  
  
  
"Baka!" Whipping back around, he continues the trek to the hotel Tatsumi set us up in.  
  
I can't help but chuckle. What I said, it's true. I can't focus my thoughts, to do so would   
  
mean that I would have to start thinking about them. That's what I can't do. The only reason  
  
I can smile like this now, the only reason I've been able to stay with the NSF, is that I haven't  
  
let myself think about anything for too long. If I thought about anything, then I'd have to think  
  
about everything eventually. But, as I've already said, there's no way I'm going to start any   
  
kind of thinking that will bring up memories from before. I won't do it. Unfortunately, this job  
  
isn't quite one that has things that don't constantly relate to back then. Maybe that's why I   
  
come off as such an air head...   
  
  
  
Oh well, best not to dwell on it.  
  
  
  
Hisoka has stopped in front of me again. I give my questioning smile, but the look he is  
  
giving me, isn't softened by my fake smile. He just stares at me, with a look... I truly can't   
  
read. As if he finally has reached a conclusion, his look becomes a distant one, he turns away   
  
from me again. I barely here the words pass from his lips, which is a feat considering my   
  
enhanced hearing.  
  
  
  
"How odd..."   
  
  
  
I blink at him a few times before I place the words off as just having been my imagination.  
  
We arrive at the hotel, and I handle the work at the front desk. I smile at the lady there, and  
  
she blushes and begins to flirt with me. Well, at least my smile hasn't lost it's power! Hisoka  
  
just seems to be immune to it... hmm, must work on that. Actually, I just want to see that blush  
  
again.  
  
  
  
I turn around with the hotel key's in hand, and am greeted by a fist to my face. Falling  
  
down and clutching my jaw, my eye's fall onto my aggressor. Hisoka is shaking out his hand, his  
  
face stuck in that same scowl as before, except, much to my delight, crimson is staining his   
  
cheeks.  
  
  
  
'Oh yeah, he can read thoughts...' I give a nervous laugh. Well, it looks like I'm going  
  
to have to work on keeping that mental shield up better.  
  
  
  
"Oh, SIR!!" The woman rushes out from behind the desk to give me a hand up. "Are you   
  
okay?! What's the matter with you?!" She turns from concerned to angry in less then five seconds,  
  
her questions directed at Hisoka who just looks more pissed then before.   
  
  
  
"No, no!" I place a gentle hand on her shoulder, "Really, I had that coming. Thank you  
  
for your concern, but really it's okay!"  
  
  
  
"Oh...," She looks down then at Hisoka, then back at me, then at Hisoka again. It looks  
  
like the wheels in her head must have been turning, because now her face is beet red and her jaw  
  
has dropped. I was kind of shocked thought when her next statement wasn't directed at me, but at  
  
my partner.  
  
  
  
"I'm SO sorry!"   
  
  
  
"Huh??" Hisoka has backed up a few steps to keep the distance between him and the advancing  
  
desk clerk. "Wha-what are you talking about?"  
  
  
  
"Well, it's just," Her blush deepens a little as she looks at Hisoka, who is now doing  
  
his best to make sure she doesn't touch him. "If I had known, that he was, that you were... Oh,  
  
well I never would have..." She does a quick bow to Hisoka, then quickly turns back on me.   
  
Reflexively my arms jump up. She reaches out and snatches the key to our room back from my hand.  
  
"I'll make it up to you," She goes back behind the desk and gives me a new key and room number.  
  
"Here, don't worry about a thing, just enjoy your stay. I'm giving you the same rate, okay?"  
  
There's an odd smile that is pushing on her lips and I have to say...It's kind of scary!  
  
  
  
"Wait, just what-"  
  
  
  
"Thank you very much miss," I bow and cut off Hisoka. Quickly I pull him out of the   
  
lobby, and away from the crowd we were attracting. Upon turning down the hall and entering the  
  
elevator I heave a sigh of relief.   
  
  
  
"What's the big idea?!" Hisoka glares at me, or more like the hand I still have on his  
  
arm. I quickly realize my folly and remove said offending hand.  
  
  
  
"We were attracting a crowd," I calmly try to explain to him. "We need to work discretely,  
  
and, incase you didn't notice, that was NOT discrete."  
  
  
  
"B-but she--!!" I raise my hand to cut him off.  
  
  
  
"Look, we're partners, but I'm also the one who is calling the shots here. After all,   
  
this is your first mission, isn't it?" He looks like he's about to protest, then he looks away,  
  
anger fully permeating the air around him.   
  
  
  
Personal note of things not to do, do NOT make Hisoka angry.   
  
  
  
We make our way to the room and I open the door, and my jaw drops. The room is lavishly  
  
decorated, deep red curtains, embroidered rugs, and beautifully engraved wood furniture. That was  
  
all well and good, but the thing that made me choke was the bed. A single heart shaped bed.   
  
  
  
"It's the honeymoon suite..."  
  
  
  
"That's what I was TRYING to tell you. Baka!"  
  
  
  
"Wait, then that means... She thought...and..." I can feel heat rising to my face.   
  
Ohhh, this is going to be the biggest joke at HQ! We'll never live this down! However, I move  
  
into the room, finding a strange heart shaped red box on the bed. 'Belgian Chocolates' Compliments  
  
of the staff. "This might not be so bad, after all with a bed like this...," I smile as I look   
  
down at the treats in fornt of me, dropping the luggage down on the floor.  
  
  
  
"WHAT?!?" Hisoka looks like he's having a coronary at my words. I lift up the chocolates  
  
and smile fully at him.   
  
  
  
"Look! They're free!!"  
  
  
  
"...."  
  
  
  
"What?"  
  
  
  
"...."  
  
  
  
"What?? Hey, you can't go out alone. Hey WAIT!!" Snatching up my coat and the case file,  
  
I chase after my partner.  
  
  
  
'Really, what's so bad about chocolates?'  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Hontoni baka," Hisoka quickly made his way out of the lobby doors, ignoring the grin  
  
the lady at the front desk was directing his way. So, she thought him and that baka were...  
  
an 'item'?? Shoving his hands into his pockets he trudged up the street. It wasn't like Tsuzuki  
  
was an bad guy or anything, but... he was such an IDIOT! Hisoka hadn't barley even met the man  
  
and already formed this opinion of his unwanted 'partner'. He breathed out, releasing a breath  
  
he didn't know he was holding. There was also something different about this guy too. There was  
  
something that set him out from every person he'd ever met. It was so ODD, and for all his   
  
abilities he couldn't put his finger quite on what it was, and that was bugging him. There was   
  
something almost so...innocent about the guy. Yet, he was working for an organization like this?  
  
Hisoka new what the NSF was all about. When they came for him, he hadn't fought, but listened and  
  
agreed to join them. His reasons for such were, well, his reasons were his reasons. He knew why  
  
he was here, but someone who had that pure look in their eyes? Such a sad and troubled soul, too.  
  
He had thought his partner would have been someone more like that man he had met earlier, what was  
  
his name, 'Tatsumi'? He was thrown for a new one when he realized his partner was more of an   
  
idiotic child, then a cool professional.   
  
  
  
"Hisoka!"  
  
  
  
"And he's so DENSE!"  
  
  
  
"Hey, Hisoka, where are you going?" The annoying man came running up to him. Hisoka hoped  
  
to distance himself from this guy, but it didn't seem to be working, now did it?  
  
  
  
"Well I WAS going someplace where you weren't, but I guess I can't do that now, can I?"  
  
Hisoka took inventory of the harsh words effects on the other man. He stopped. Looked puzzled,  
  
maybe even a little hurt, but then, he smiled at him. He SMILED. Hisoka was an empath. He could  
  
feel the effects his harsh words and glares had on the man. Tsuzuki was hurt by each one, then,  
  
instead of looking hurt, instead of getting angry, he just smiled at Hisoka, as if it was okay   
  
that he was a jerk to him.  
  
  
  
Yes, Hisoka knew he was being a jerk to the older man. Yet taking others feelings into  
  
account was never something he did before. Why bother? Everyone either turned to disliking him,  
  
or leaving him alone. His personality sure didn't leave much middle ground. This Tsuzuki though,  
  
somehow FOUND that middle ground, because, here he was again, smiling at him again. Hisoka reached  
  
out with his empathy, just enough to graze the top of his mind. There was confusion, anxiety,  
  
and even... what? was that fondness? Is that what that was? This man wasn't frustrated, irritated,  
  
didn't hate him yet?! He was trying really hard to be cold to this guy, which wasn't such a far  
  
from normal treatment most of the time to people in general, but this guy was immune to it!!  
  
Hisoka's brow twisted slightly. It was irritating.  
  
  
  
Time to redouble the efforts.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Finally! I stop in front of Hisoka, catching my breath. He walks pretty fast.  
  
  
  
"Hey, Hisoka, where are you going?"  
  
  
  
"Well I WAS going someplace where you weren't, but I guess I can't do that now, can I?"  
  
Well, how can one reply to something like that? Hisoka is looking at me as if he's trying to   
  
decide something. He's been doing that a lot. I smile at him, it's kinda nice to see him when  
  
he's trying so hard to figure out something. He's eye's turn hard with resolution and he quickly  
  
turns away from me.  
  
  
  
"We're only partners for this one case," his eye's are cold as jade as he turns his face   
  
to me, "I want to finish this case as soon as possible. I have no interest in working with such   
  
a fool longer then I have to." Those last words, he spits them out, like they were bitter on his  
  
tongue. That was harsh. It makes sense though, he doesn't want to work with me at all anyway,   
  
so, of course he wants to end this case, and get away from such a baka partner.  
  
  
  
'Of course no one wants an idiot for a partner.'  
  
  
  
A smile. A nod. Words from me to him. Yes, it's fine. He turns to head toward the   
  
murder site, I think that's where we are going, right? It's fine. My hand is in my pocket, there's   
  
something there. I pull out a package of the taffies, strawberries and cream. I pop one of the  
  
candies in my mouth. Yes it's fine, it's okay, no one ever stays. I didn't expect him to either.  
  
  
  
So, why does it seem to hurt?  
  
  
  
When did I start to hope he would stay?  
  
  
  
My tongue rolls the candy over in my mouth. The flavors are all there, strawberries and   
  
heavy milk, a rich cream. It's all there. The warm flavor. Something's wrong though.   
  
  
  
Why won't it work?   
  
  
  
The flavors are bland on my tongue, the warm leaves a cold trail. I spite the  
  
candy out, it's starting to make me feel more nauseous then good. That's never happened before,  
  
has it? No, that's no good! Don't think about before now. Don't think about anything.   
  
  
  
It's fine.  
  
  
  
It's okay if I'm not needed.  
  
  
  
After all, 'the world doesn't need a monster like me'.  
  
  
  
So, I'll smile, then no one will ask what's wrong. I'll smile, and everyone will ignore   
  
me. I'll smile, and fade into nothing. I'll smile, until I die. Yes, that's a good plan. I  
  
wonder when that will be?   
  
  
  
I wonder how much longer I'll have to wait, till my body stops betraying me. Till it stops  
  
forcing me to live.  
  
  
  
Oh, Hisoka has stopped. It's the ally I guess, there's police tape everywhere. To die...  
  
I wonder what that's like? This was no way for any human to die. It's too sad. Her blood, you  
  
can still see where the circle was drawn using her blood. It's not right. For any human to die  
  
in such a way....  
  
  
  
Life is cruel.  
  
  
  
"What?" Hisoka turns to me. I smile as I check my mental shielding. It's still going   
  
strong. Getting used to having it up all the time, not so hard. Hisoka looks to the side a   
  
little, his expression softens for the first time since I first met him.   
  
  
  
"What?" He repeats himself again, his tone is softer, almost...what?  
  
  
  
"It's just... it's not right, for any human to die this way." I run my hand over one  
  
of the red marks left in the ground. I can feel the hum as the energy left there responds to my  
  
touch. It glows just a little, flickering a red light. "It's not right."  
  
  
  
"How did you...?" His gaze is fixed on the dissipating light that fades when I remove my  
  
hand.  
  
  
  
"What?" I sound like a parrot, imitating his question before.  
  
  
  
"Just now, how did you...?" He finally looks up to my eyes, he almost looks...scared?  
  
  
  
"Oh," I give my signature smile. "They didn't tell you about me?" I keep my smile on,  
  
keep up the face. He really doesn't know? Well, I guess no one felt he needed to know, but, he  
  
seems smart enough. Looks like he could have figured it out, given time. Oh well, it's our   
  
'only case together' isn't it? He can't possible hate me more than he does now, but even if he  
  
did, it's fine.  
  
  
  
"I'm a monster."  
  
  
  
Yes, it's fine.  
  
  
  
"Monster?" There's that unreadable expression on his face again. I can't take this any  
  
more. Diversionary tactic; the case.  
  
  
  
"Can you tell me anything?"  
  
  
  
"Huh?" Bull's eye.  
  
  
  
"Well, with you're empathy. I really don't know how it works too well," I look around  
  
the scene, taking in the whole layout of the area. "Can you get anything that might help from  
  
this area?"  
  
  
  
"Ye-...y-yes, I might be able to," He stutters a little, "the area is projecting strongly.  
  
It shouldn't be hard to pick-up something from here." He's eye's are nervously skittering over  
  
the ally.   
  
  
  
"What's wrong?"   
  
  
  
"NOTHING!" O~kay, so I don't know a lot, but it defiantly doesn't seem like nothing.   
  
He looks frightened, and failing at trying to hide it. It's kinda hard to miss it when someone  
  
is shaking like a leaf.  
  
  
  
Is it what I said?  
  
  
  
"I can do it..." He seems to whisper slightly to himself. It's taking all his will to   
  
do... Whatever he's trying to do!   
  
  
  
"Hey, Hisoka, it's okay," Well, I don't know what's okay, but it seems like he's scared  
  
to use his powers. If THAT'S the problem, then it's fine if he doesn't, especially if it's going  
  
to shake him up this bad! I get up to move toward him, but I feel a light surge of energy pushing  
  
at me. The wind in the ally picks up a bit, or it seems to at first. That is, till I realize   
  
that the source seems to be Hisoka. His eye's seem to glow slightly, and then he's mouth opens.  
  
  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHH!!!!!!!!!"  
  
  
  
Scream, a blood chilling scream. I try and push through the wind to him, but the force  
  
only seems to grow stronger the more I press forward. I think I'm calling his name, but I can't  
  
hear anything but that scream now. I push forward again, using all my strength. The ground gives  
  
way a little underneath my feet, but I keep pressing forward. Hisoka's hands have gone up to his  
  
head, cradling it, but he's still screaming. He falls to his knees, but he still keeps screaming.  
  
  
  
Somehow I reach him. I try calling him again, but I can't even hear my own voice. I   
  
hesitantly place my hands on him. He doesn't stop screaming, he won't even look at me. His face  
  
is twisted in horror, on his face is the visage of fear it's self. I try shaking him, but it's   
  
like I'm not even here. I don't know what to do!  
  
  
  
/I'm here.../  
  
  
  
I don't know what to do. The only thing I know, is that someone did this for me once.  
  
  
  
/I'll be here... always/  
  
  
  
Slowly my arms wrap around his small frame. I place my head over his, I can smell the   
  
sent of his blond hair. 'Sunflowers'.  
  
  
  
/Even if you never return, I'll wait... I promise I'll wait.../  
  
  
  
The scream's stop, and he collapses into my arms. I keep him held tightly. I look into  
  
his face, he's passed out, but at least his face isn't twisted in that expression anymore.  
  
  
  
/I'll wait, till after forever..../  
  
  
  
Slowly, I carefully pick him up in my arms. I need to get him to a hospital. I take off,  
  
running to the only hospital in the area I know of.   
  
  
  
/Till the end of time..../  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
/ITHURTSITHURTS!PLEASESTOPEIT!!PLEASEWHYAREYOUDOINGTHISTOME?IHAVEN'TDONEANYTHINGWRONG!NODON'T  
  
PLEASEDON'TDOTHAT!!NOTTHAT!!NONONONONONONONONONONO!GODPLEASEHELPME!GODPLEASE!PLEASE!PLEASE!!GOD  
  
HELPME!!!!/  
  
  
  
'It's hurts, it hurts! Please stope it!!'   
  
  
  
/A small blade, slicing easily through my skin/   
  
  
  
'Please why are you doing this to me? I haven't done anything wrong!'  
  
  
  
/I can't move and blood is poring from my wounds. A hand. His hand is covered in   
  
my blood. He's carving into my skin, he's carving into my flesh!!/  
  
  
  
'Carving, he's carving into my body. Not again, not again!'  
  
  
  
/I can't move, am I dead? So cold. What? Did he stop? What? N-no, not that...!   
  
Please, not that!! Please God, HELP ME!!!/  
  
  
  
'Why, why are you doing this to me? My life isn't enough? IT WASN'T ENOUGH?!?'  
  
  
  
/GOD PLEASE! PLEASE!...please...!!/  
  
  
  
'Please God, please...please... let it end. Let it end, please? Please, just let it end.  
  
Please... no more...  
  
  
  
/Please God, please...Let it end, GOD HELP ME!!/  
  
  
  
'/Please God, LET ME DIE!!!/'  
  
  
  
'It won't end, it won't end.....'  
  
  
  
'Life is cruel.'  
  
  
  
Hisoka curled in on himself, he felt his body fall, yet he was barely aware of even that.  
  
It was the same as before. It was like watching it all over again. Was god deaf? Why? Couldn't  
  
he hear them crying? Couldn't he hear them screaming?!?  
  
  
  
'So cold...,' His body felt like it was being chilled by the very blood that ran through  
  
his vains, like ice had replaced it. It was getting harder to breath. Feelings not his own,   
  
mixed with his.  
  
  
  
/I'm here.../  
  
  
  
Hisoka thought he heard a distant sound, but he couldn't make it out. Emotions of fear,  
  
pain, hate, anger, despair, and shame, pushed up against his mind, threatening to engulf him, deep  
  
into their dark cores.  
  
  
  
/I'll be here... always/  
  
  
  
There was another sound, not so distant now. A new feeling besides pain, and despair broke   
  
through. It was desperate at first, then it softened.  
  
  
  
/Even if you never return, I'll wait... I promise I'll wait.../  
  
  
  
Warm. There was a warm light that pushed into him, chasing away the dark shadows. It   
  
was so very warm, Hisoka relaxed into it, and closed his eyes.  
  
  
  
/I'll wait, till after forever..../  
  
  
  
It was so very warm, Hisoka felt like he was melting into it. He welcomed it, and all   
  
that it was. He grasped onto the warmth and held on tight. The light also seemed to embrace him  
  
in kind, it was soothing. Was this what being held in the arms of a mother felt like, safe and  
  
warm?  
  
  
  
/Till the end of time..../  
  
  
  
Hisoka let the light engulf him, letting himself slip away into it's warm soft embrace.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Rina flipped the page in her book. The sky had clouded suddenly today. That meant that  
  
there would be no one outside to watch. It made her sad, and happy at the same time. She wanted  
  
to see other peoples happiness, yet, she was starting to get very jealousy of that same happiness  
  
that she enjoyed to see in others. It was okay though, the book was good. It was about god's of  
  
death who took people's souls when their time came. She lay her head on her hand and sighed.   
  
  
  
'When will my god of death come for me?'  
  
  
  
Rina was ripped from her thought's as a the nurse was having a raised argument with a man  
  
outside of the room. She strained her ear's at first to hear, but that wasn't nessisary, as the  
  
door was soon thrown open. A tall man with chocolate hair stood tall in it's frame. He had  
  
the most beautiful purple eyes...   
  
  
  
'that's an odd color.'  
  
  
  
"Hisoka?!" The man's rich voice was filled with worry as he rushed to the bed across from  
  
Rina's own. The boy, 'Hisoka'?, who lay there, had been brought in earlier this morning. He   
  
hadn't stirred since then though. One Nurse said that it was just exhaustion, and he should  
  
be fine in a few hours. They placed him on an IV drip to keep him hydrogenated, but that was all.  
  
  
  
"Wa~hhh!! Hisoka, you gotta wake up!!" The man was practically shaking the blond, or   
  
would have been had the nurse not pulled him off the boy.  
  
  
  
"Sir! I TOLD you, you can't come in here till he's rested properly!"  
  
  
  
"B-but, I--!!"  
  
  
  
"Are you family?"  
  
  
  
"Well, no but..."  
  
  
  
"Then you can't come in here yet. I'll get you when he wakes up, but till' then, you  
  
can't stay in here!" They're eyes locked, and they seem to be doing a staring contest, or some   
  
test of wills. To Rina, this was entertaining, but...  
  
  
  
"Michiko-san?"   
  
  
  
"Huh?" Both of their eye's turn to Rina, and she wanted to laugh at their blank   
  
expressions. Neither one of them had noticed her till now.  
  
  
  
"Michiko-san," She begin again, giving the nurse her most sad smile, one she'd gotten   
  
good with when it meant not eating that horrid green jell-o they serve, "is it okay if he stays   
  
to talk with me then? I'm lonely, and that way, when his friend wakes, he can see him... right?"  
  
  
  
"Huh... Well," Rina could tell she was trying to come up with a reason to deny the   
  
request, so she just turn up the sad look a few notches.  
  
  
  
"Please...?" Big pleading eye's always worked really well.  
  
  
  
"Well, okay, fine. It's better then him making that racket all day long!" The nurse gives  
  
the man one last good glare, then turns and leaves the room.  
  
  
  
"Ahh, Thank you so much miss." The man bowed to Rina, who only laughed lightly at his   
  
actions.  
  
  
  
"No it's all right. I was starting to think I'd be board to death in this place." That  
  
wasn't too far from the truth, she indulged that silent thought dryly. She carefully lifted her  
  
hand and indicated to the chair next to her. "Would it be okay, if I talked with you a little   
  
bit?"  
  
  
  
"Oh! Sure, of course!" The man smiled warmly as he took the offered seat. "My name is  
  
Tsuzuki, Asato, pleased to meet you." He did a slight bow, to his very formal greeting. It had  
  
been so long since Rina had meet someone new, someone who didn't have their name pinned to their  
  
uniform, it took her a little by surprise.   
  
  
  
"O-oh," Returning a greeting was also something she had not done in a very long time. It  
  
made her feel like a child again, learning the basics all over. "My name is Ito, Rina. Pleased   
  
to meet you." She nervously returned the same greeting to him.   
  
  
  
"So... what are you reading?"  
  
  
  
"Oh, this? It's a manga a friend lent me,"  
  
  
  
"Is it good?"  
  
  
  
"Yes, it's very interesting." She showed the cover to him and let him read the title.  
  
  
  
"I'm not so great at reading." He gave her a sheepish, but true reply.  
  
  
  
"I wasn't either, but not much else I can do now." Rina's eye's turned downward. Sadness  
  
filling in their inky depths. Tsuzuki must have seen this because his smile went up a few watts  
  
as he changed the subject.  
  
  
  
"Do you want to know what I'm good at though?"  
  
  
  
"Yes, what?"  
  
  
  
"COOKING!! I LOVE to cook! I love food, but most of all, I love sweet things."  
  
  
  
"Like candy?"  
  
  
  
"Yeah! All kinds of candies, cookies, pie, pastries, cakes, puddings..." Tsuzuki was   
  
now using his fingers to count off the different confections he liked, and the list just kept on  
  
growing.  
  
  
  
It was... exciting for some reason. Like learning to speak for a second time. She   
  
talked with this man Tsuzuki for nearly over an hour. Basic questions, ones that she would   
  
return to him. It was so simple, but it was so much more then that. It made her smile. It made  
  
her laugh. It made her feel more in that short talk then she had felt in all of five years.   
  
She felt like she was alive again. A feeling she had forgotten a long time ago.  
  
  
  
..............TBC  
  
*********************************  
  
  
  
My little note's-you-can-skip-over-if-you-don't-wanna-read-this-crappy-kinda-stuff....  
  
  
  
Oh, a cliff hanger?? Not really... well, Hisoka IS unconscious, and Rina, the OC is   
  
having a grand ol' talk with Tsuzuki...  
  
(even I'M glaring at her. Paws off kid, he's Hisoka's, WHETHER HISOKA LIKES IT OR NOT!!)  
  
  
  
Tenshiamanda, I know you wanted to know how I was going to do the GuShoShin, and....   
  
hehe, well, next chapter you find out ^_-# I've planned to put almost EVERY cast member into   
  
this story.  
  
Poor Tsuzuki!!! Sorry folks, but happy Tsuzuki was just a facade. Like the description   
  
says, he's dyeing inside. I'm sorry I'm doing this to him, really!!  
  
  
  
so far, everyone is quoting EVERYONE!! hehe, yeah I ment to do that. Also, did anyone  
  
else think Tsuzuki was like the rabbit from 'Alice in Wonderland' in the last chapter? I kept  
  
thinking that over and over again.  
  
  
  
The title for this story was taken from a poem I really like, and it fit with the last   
  
part so, what the heck, right?  
  
And we all know what manga Rina is reading, right? RIGHT?? I hope so, if not, take a wild  
  
guess and I'll be you'll be right. (just WHY did I put that in there?)  
  
  
  
AGAIN PLZ TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK #^_^#   
  
  
  
All C&C welcome and help me update as fast as I can type! 


	4. A Lullaby the Rain Sings to Me

Disclaimer: So far, only Rina Ito is my own original character, all the other yummy men/women in  
  
this story all belong to Yoko Matsushita.  
  
  
  
  
  
WARNINGS: Same warning as before, the rating will go up maybe later, but for right now it's all  
  
thanks to violence and language. Flying OOC'ness in characters, but it's an AU, so that can't   
  
be helped right?...hehe..heh...*cough*!  
  
  
  
PAIRINGS: TsuxSoka, and another couple is reviled!! Who? well...  
  
  
  
POV warnings, I've set it up so the only first person POV will be Tsuzuki's no one else.  
  
  
  
  
  
Also, '..' is thoughts and /../ is a memory.  
  
  
  
  
  
..........................................................................................  
  
  
  
  
  
My World of Strawberries and Cream.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A Lullaby the Rain Sings to Me  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Apple pie?"  
  
  
  
"You REALLY never tried apple pie before??"  
  
  
  
"Ahh, no, heh," a light pink touches her cheeks. It only helps serve to remind me that  
  
Hisoka's still unconscious. I look at my partner, well, he'll be my EX-partner, but it's okay to  
  
still be concerned for him... Right?  
  
  
  
"He'll be okay." The words shock me back to reality. I look back at the girl I've just   
  
met. Her eye's seem warm, and somehow, very sad. "Really, he'll be okay," she repeated as her  
  
lips pushed into a reassuring smile.  
  
  
  
I return her smile, but, it's just another fake one, just so she won't worry about me.  
  
I have an odd thought, one I push to the very, VERY back of my mind. Really where did that come   
  
from?  
  
  
  
"What?" She must have caught the look on my face as I tried to bury the forementioned   
  
thought. I look at the girl, and sum up that I like her, and will probably never see her again,  
  
so what harm can come from telling her? Besides, I felt like she was like me in some way. I   
  
couldn't quite say why. It might have just been the fact that she was tied down to that bed, with  
  
all those tubes running around her, IN her. It could have been that smile, that was hallow of any  
  
real happiness. A smile that was only good at tricking people into thinking everything was okay.   
  
It's not like she was bad at it, but it's hard to hide things from people using the same   
  
techniques they do.  
  
  
  
"I was just thinking," I admit slowly, as much to myself as to her, "I haven't seen him   
  
smile, and I don't think I ever will." We won't be together much longer, and seeing Rina smile   
  
just now... I just thought how I wanted to see him smile before he left.  
  
  
  
"Don't worry," Her words are warm, like they have been tempered with wisdom beyond her  
  
short years. I look to her and am taking back by what I find, a real smile. Warm and radiating.  
  
That smile, purifying, shown through her, making her look not like a sick, thin, pale child, who  
  
had spent more days in a hospital bed then she ever did under the sun.  
  
  
  
'How do true smiles make people glow like that?'  
  
  
  
"But... He's always mad at me it seems. He's been nothing but cold, you know? I can't   
  
even get him to make any other face besides a scowl," It almost seems like I'm talking about   
  
Hisoka like I've known for a long time. The thought doesn't seem untrue for some odd reason, but  
  
I quickly dismiss that absurd idea from my mind.   
  
  
  
Rina reaches out her small hand and places it over mine. I quickly look up at her with   
  
worry. She's positioned precariously on her bed, stretching slightly to reach me. She's still   
  
smiling a real smile at me, almost like she's warming me with that smile, a rare smile she must   
  
reserve for only when she feels it's important. I feel unworthy under it's warmth, but she only  
  
tightens her frail hand on mine when I cast my eye's away.  
  
  
  
"If, you be who you are," She says, ever so softly, barely above a hushed whisper. "As   
  
long as you are who you are... It will be okay. Trust me," Her eye's are on me still, but they  
  
have gone clouded now, like she is looking through me, beyond me.  
  
  
  
"I can tell, you are a good man, Tsuzuki," Her eye's refocus on me again, drawing back   
  
from what ever land they were before. "Don't give up on him." The last words she says are   
  
somewhat desperate on her lips, like there was so much she meant to say in those few words, more   
  
then the they themselves expressed.  
  
  
  
I was about to question her, but there's a stirring behind me. I quickly turn and get   
  
out of my chair to move to my partner's side. Hisoka's eye's are blinking slowly as he fight's   
  
off the fatigue of sleep.  
  
  
  
"Hisoka? Are you alright!?!"  
  
  
  
"Ba... Baka." Relief floods me, at his words. He still remembers me it seems. He makes  
  
a move to sit up, and I try and help him. He relaxes a little into my touch, which threw me for  
  
a loop, that was, until his eye's finished staving off the drowsiness, and he jerked away from   
  
me.   
  
  
  
"I-I don't need help!" He stutters a little as his furiously goes from pale to crimson  
  
in less then a second. I realize I'm smiling, but, it's odd, because I can't remember when it  
  
started. I actually feel... happy?? No, that's not possible for me.  
  
  
  
"Are you okay Hisoka? What happened??" I'm desperate to know just what happened, just   
  
why the boy collapsed, just why he screamed in such away that chilled my blood in my heart, and   
  
made all my hairs stand on end. I'm so concerned, that it's starting to twist and root itself into  
  
my heart, quickly becoming a spreading fear.  
  
  
  
"You're thinking... too hard." His face isn't the deep crimson as before, but a soft  
  
pink has replaced it. His tone is hard, yet there's something else hidden in it.  
  
  
  
'Am I getting better at reading him? Or, is this the first time his words aren't as  
  
cold as before?' I check my mental shields again, just to make sure he isn't going to be getting  
  
any of my distress, or weird thoughts. They have definitely been getting weirder as of late.  
  
  
  
"What happened?" I ask quietly. Hisoka gave me a look that lasted only for a second, before  
  
his mask slid back over it. It was in that second though, I hated myself. I put that look on his   
  
face. It was fear, pure fear.   
  
  
  
"It was stronger then I thought it would be," he stoically began, his voice was lifeless   
  
of all the emotions he was hiding inside himself. Only his hands, which had grasped the sheet   
  
and were wringing them with white, strained knuckles, reviled how upset he was. Even still, he  
  
didn't stop explaining what had happened, taking a slow breath, he continued. "There was... A   
  
man... he was carving into her... He enjoyed it. Tsuzuki, I don't know, but I don't think that  
  
man was completely human. Humans don't... FEEL like that. He was torchering her. It wasn't   
  
about killing," Deep green eye's raised up to mine. Memories flashed across his eye's, chased   
  
be an expression so fast, I didn't know what to make of it. "When he was cutting me, no, I mean  
  
her, he drew that circle around her body. With my blood, he drew that evil circle. He was   
  
smiling the whole time... Even, even..." Hisoka couldn't keep up the act any longer as his hand  
  
flew to his mouth. He vomited all his stomachs contents onto the hospital floor before his eye's  
  
had glazed and he fell forward. I was able to catch the boy, before he could descend to the   
  
ground.   
  
  
  
"Hisoka... I'm sorry." It was my fault. He must have known the effects of doing what   
  
I had asked him to, yet he did it anyway. Even in describing what had happened, he kept on   
  
confusing what had happened to the victim, like it had happened to him. Was that what I had asked  
  
him to do then? I asked him to experiance that horrid death? I didn't know I had asked him to  
  
take on what that woman felt as she was being killed. He belived he was the one killed in that  
  
awful way, and I'm the one who told him to do it!  
  
  
  
'Poor kid,' I can't help but think as I gently lay him back down onto the hospital bed,  
  
pulling the blankets up over him. I use what I can find next to the bed and clean the vomit up.  
  
Of course, being killed made him physically sick. I'm a horrid person. His breath evens out as  
  
he collapses into a deep sleep.  
  
  
  
"He must be exhausted..." I gently run a hand over some of his soft blond locks, an act  
  
that I'm sure never to repeat again. His face only relaxes slightly as sleep fills him.  
  
  
  
"I heard a nurse say he should be okay in a day." I return my eye's to Rina, and can't   
  
stop the embarrassed look that claims my face. 'She saw that...?!? I had forgotten she was there.'  
  
  
  
Then it hit's me, she HEARD that. I stiffen slightly, my brain quickly working out what  
  
to do.   
  
  
  
'I could kill her...' I can feel the perspiration on my brow. I don't want to. She's a   
  
good person, to kill her would be.... There must be someway to play this off, BUT HOW?!?  
  
  
  
"They're bad, huh?"  
  
  
  
"Huh?" I'm pulled from my frenzied thoughts at her unexpected question.  
  
  
  
"Nightmares. It sounds like he has awful ones." She adjusts in her bed slightly, pulling  
  
up her covers. "It's okay, if you want to stay. I'm just getting a little tired is all. If the  
  
nurse come's back in, you can just tell her that I asked you to stay, kay'?"  
  
  
  
"I thank you..." I hesitate before making my next decision. "Rina, can I ask a favor of  
  
you?"  
  
  
  
"What?"  
  
  
  
"I have some... 'Things' I need to take care of. If I'm not back, when he wakes up..."  
  
  
  
She smiles knowingly and waves me away. "It's okay, I'll take care of him."  
  
  
  
"Thank you." I warmly reply from the bottom of my heart. I bow deeply, "You're a very  
  
kind girl." A blush tinges her face, and she rubs her hand on her head, giving a nervous laugh.  
  
  
  
"I-it's okay. It's my pleasure!" I spare one last glance at my partner and head out of   
  
the room. I trust my instincts. They tell me Rina is a good person. They're also telling me  
  
Hisoka is not as tough as he likes to fake he is. I don't want him to have anything more to do  
  
with this case. I'm going to finish it.  
  
  
  
Alone.   
  
  
  
My thoughts cloud my vision, and I don't register there's a person in front of me till I  
  
bump into her. I stumble back only slightly, as does the girl I bumped into. At least I didn't  
  
knock her over~  
  
  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry, I wasn't watching where I was going." The lady shakes her head slightly  
  
and smiles, trying to ease my discomfort.   
  
  
  
"Ah, no, I also was distracted." Her voice is pure and rings like bells as she speaks.   
  
It draws me out of my daze, and I look over her again. She's a beautiful woman, barely in her  
  
twenties. She has chestnut brown hair that's been pulled to the sides into Chinese style buns,   
  
hair that matches her dark hazel eye's. She's holding a bouquet of lovely spring flowers in her  
  
arms, a handmade card placed in them. The flowers can barley hide the Chinese style red dress   
  
that hugs her body more then nicely.   
  
  
  
"Sir?" She is looking at me, a knowing gaze. I laugh nervously at being caught staring at her  
  
like that.  
  
  
  
"Sorry, it's just, I thought you sounded familiar was all," I offered in way of explanation  
  
to the striking woman.  
  
  
  
"Maybe I do," there's a small smile as she makes her way past me. I let that cryptic   
  
answer pass, dismissing the familiarity I heard in her voice; I've never seen this woman before   
  
in my life. Turning out of the hospital, once under the cover of the clouds that hung low in   
  
the sky, I pull out my cell phone and quickly dial the number to Head Quarters.  
  
  
  
"Hello?"  
  
  
  
"Yes, It's me. I'm going to need your help down here, all right?"  
  
  
  
"What? I thought you had gotten a new partner?"  
  
  
  
"I'll explain later. Can you meet me at the hotel... and don't tell Tatsumi that I called  
  
asking for your help, okay?"  
  
  
  
"I can do that, but what AM I suppose to tell him then?"  
  
  
  
"Tell him, I asked you to bring a file to me."  
  
  
  
"All right. What file do you want me to bring then?"  
  
  
  
"Anyone that you think he'd buy for being relevant will do."  
  
  
  
"If Tatsumi found out..."  
  
  
  
"It's important, please?"  
  
  
  
"... Fine, but only for you."  
  
  
  
"Great! I'll see you at the hotel."  
  
  
  
"Okay, see you."  
  
  
  
*beep*  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
**********************************************  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Rina lay in her bed wide awake. Tired as she was, her mind was too busy processing   
  
everything it had just taken in. She blushed slightly, a memory of talking to someone new, even  
  
more so, when she remembered what she told Tsuzuki. She had prophesied for him. Pulling the   
  
sheets up to her chin she silently chided herself. He probably thought she was really weird now,  
  
it was stupid of her to do that for someone she had just met. A thought crept into her head that  
  
made her skin tingle with dread; what if he TOLD someone? They would think she was crazy. Oh,   
  
it was a BIG mistake to do that! Her mind was so clouded that when a soft tapping hit the door   
  
to her room, she nearly jumped out of her skin.  
  
  
  
"Oh, it's you, Maria." Rina called familiarly to the woman at the door. Maria smiled   
  
softly, walking over to Rina and handing her the bouquet of flowers. Rina hesitated, before taking  
  
the offered gift.  
  
  
  
"I know anemones and baby's breath are some of your favorites." Maria warmly smiled at the  
  
girl who held the gift gingerly. Rina's face, was a mask, void of all emotions.   
  
  
  
"Last time I visited, it was spring, and you said you wanted to pick the flowers in the  
  
garden." Maria looked past Rina to the window that started shake lightly as thunder began to roll  
  
in on the sky above.  
  
  
  
Rina, did not say a single word of thanks to Maria, didn't make any indication that she had  
  
even heard her friends words. Shifting slightly though, she turned to the window next to her   
  
bed, opening it with care.  
  
  
  
"Rina," Maria began, her voice flooded with concern, " you shouldn't open the window now,  
  
it's going to rain~" Maria started to raise out of her seat to close the window, and stopped.   
  
Rina held the bouquet out the window, and was ripping the flowers apart ferociously with her   
  
fingers. It showered small white, pink and yellow petals to the ground below. The handmade card  
  
was the last thing left in her small frail fingers. Rina stared momentarily at the card, blinking  
  
but once, then it too she shredded into tiny pieces.  
  
  
  
"Rina..." Maria's voice was softer then before, as she continued on to the window, closing  
  
it just after the rain had decided to pour from the sky. The older woman turned to Rina, who was  
  
currently sitting on top of the bed, her arms laying limply in her lap. There was no expression  
  
on her face, no emotion that pulled at her eyes. " Look what you've done," Maria gingerly picked  
  
up her friends hands, examining the cuts that were left behind at her renting of stems and paper.  
  
"You're bleeding." Maria quickly went to the bathroom that adjoined them, returning with bandages  
  
and disinfectant. Carefully Maria opened the disinfectant, and began to dot softly on the silent  
  
girl's fresh cuts.   
  
  
  
"....."  
  
  
  
"....."  
  
  
  
"....Why are you here?"  
  
  
  
"I just finished my tour," Maria closed the disinfectant, and began to bandage the injured   
  
fingers. Rina pulled her hands away after the bandaging had been completed. Turning her back to  
  
Maria, she pulled the blankets over herself.  
  
  
  
"I was about to go to sleep." Rina coldly stated to the other woman who only smiled and  
  
nodded to her. She couldn't see the small action, but she didn't have to.  
  
  
  
"I missed you," Again a soft tone answered to the harsh one. "Is it okay if I stay until  
  
you fall asleep? I promise I won't keep you awake."  
  
  
  
Silence was the only thing that answered Maria, and silence was all she really expected.  
  
It would have been an odd sight to see, Rina curled faraway from Maria, Maria smiling warmly at  
  
the distant girl. It would have been an odd sight, to see her silently, as she hugged the book   
  
she had been reading close to her heart.  
  
  
  
Rina could not cry. No tears that would promised comfort. No tears that burned on her   
  
skin, or that left her feeling weaker then before. Her heart, had become nothing more then an   
  
empty shell, emptier then it had ever been before. Her head, which had just a moment ago, been   
  
alive with thought, and her heart alive with feeling, both now only clenched in pain. Where had  
  
it gone? Just a little bit ago, she had felt alive, alive, for the first time, in longer then she dared remember. Alive... The  
  
concept seemed a far off one now, one she could no longer grasp.   
  
  
  
Not any more.  
  
  
  
The rain fell hard that day, a constant tapping sound against the window pane, a soft   
  
drumming against the ground and the torn petals of white, yellow, and pink.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
**********************************************  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Ah, GuShoShin!" Watari rushed over to the librarian who had just passed the door to his  
  
lab. The GuShoShin turned , his small feet making a very light tapping sound as he faced Watari.  
  
The little librarian had on a small rain jacket, tall yellow rain boots, and a yellow rain cap.   
  
On his hands were small red gloves, and was sporting a child's backpack. He really looked like a   
  
little grade schooler dressed up like that.  
  
  
  
"Tatsumi said you were going to give a file to Tsuzuki that he had requested?"  
  
  
  
"Yes, I am," his high pitched young voice broke through the quite halls of the NSF head   
  
quarters.  
  
  
  
"Then, here, take this too," Watari handed him a laptop, "This will connect Tsuzuki strait  
  
to my computer here, and I can share what I've found out with him."  
  
  
  
"Uhh, but," GuShoShin's huge eye's shifted slightly. "Tsuzuki isn't good with computers..."  
  
  
  
"Oh? Really," Watari was either making a good play at being ignorant of Tsuzuki's none  
  
existent technical skills, or he really was ignorant. "Well," Watari smiled and winked at his   
  
small friend, "I guess, you'll just have to stay there and help him for a bit." Watari then did   
  
a light turn and skipped back into his lab.  
  
  
  
'Genuses are...scary.' GuShoShin concluded as he placed the laptop into his pack, next  
  
to a yellow folder marked 'Kurosaki, Hisoka'. He then proceeded to head out of the NSF.  
  
  
  
The hallway outside Watari's lab, grew darker, as though the shadows in it were growing  
  
stronger, deeper. They pulsed, as if life had awakened in them. Dark ripples pooled and wavered,  
  
anxiously awaiting a direction, a command. Their master was displeased.  
  
  
  
Tatsumi was leaning against the wall, just around the corner of where the two deceptive   
  
employees conversation had just taken place. The secretary was no fool, and he knew Tsuzuki far   
  
too well to have fallen for that, 'I'm just bringing a file,' excuse. Tsuzuki and his partner   
  
weren't getting along. That was something that was never new, it was always a constant.  
  
  
  
He had told GuShoShin to return after delivering the file, and now Watari had found a way  
  
to side step that command. Pushing up his glasses, he let his thoughts wander into ways of making  
  
the blond pay for messing into his plans like that.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
**********************************************  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
I rushed into the hotel, shaking off the effects of nature from my black trench coat.   
  
Passing the front desk, I was more then glad to note that the woman from the morning was not there.  
  
I take the elevator up to the room I'm sharing, with my currently absent partner, and stop short   
  
at the door.   
  
  
  
'It's open...?'  
  
  
  
My hand slides into the inner pocket of my jacket and a pull out two of the ofudas I have  
  
stashed in there. Quietly, I press my body against the wall, calling forth any spell from my memory  
  
that might come in handy. Once I've selected a few, I use my free hand to shove the door in. Using  
  
a duck and roll I was taught in my training to quickly enter past the door into the room. The  
  
charms, that were like normal paper a second ago, are now burning hot in my fingers, power filling   
  
them. A quick scan, and I find the room is empty, and undisturbed.   
  
  
  
'No, some one's here. I can feel it..."  
  
  
  
"Come on out," I hiss low and threatening. My stance hasn't relaxed in the least, as I   
  
stay down close to the ground, ready to move at the first sign of danger.  
  
  
  
"Hey, relax it's me!" A scared, childlike voice calls from under the bed.  
  
  
  
"wha-? GuShoShi??" I question at that voice, as a small childlike form came scooting   
  
out from underneath that red heart shaped bed. He's dressed very appropriately for the weather.  
  
I feel really bad for GuShoShin, looking at him now. He looks like a small child in the yellow  
  
rain coat. He almost looks human, if it weren't for his face, the one flaw in his disguise.  
  
  
  
I was with Tatsumi on a mission, almost four years ago, when we first met GuShoShin. We  
  
had gone in to investigate a lead on a burnt lab. The things we found there, were the deformed   
  
bodies of animals and children, all the products of mixing science and magic. It seemed as though  
  
the person who had conducted the experiments was trying to combine the traits of specific animals,  
  
demons, and humans together. It's called making chimeras I believe. While investigating the burnt  
  
ruins of the lab, we over heard some people talking about a strange animal that had taken to haunting  
  
the ruins at night. We returned again, when the night fell, and found him there, sifting through  
  
the ashen rubble of the building.  
  
  
  
He looked as a fine doll, or toy at first. He had huge owl shaped eyes, a small yellow  
  
beak, and soft white feathers that covered all the parts of his body that showed. He was dress  
  
in what looked like a China doll's clothing. Small black shoes that where covered in soot, his   
  
cloths were a bright orange, and he wore a sun colored scarf that tied around his neck. On his   
  
head was a red clothed cap that held a golden circlet around it's base. If it weren't for the   
  
spots of ash and soot that stained his cloths, they would have been warm and colorful.   
  
  
  
The little bird creature, upon hearing my approach, quickly jumped up to his feet and   
  
attempted to run. Tatsumi was faster then the small creature, as he willed the shadows to cage   
  
the creature in a prison of darkness. It wasn't until we were finally able to calm him down, and  
  
convince him we weren't there to harm him, that he told us what had happened there.  
  
  
  
He was a twin, he had said. He and his brother, were taken by an evil man, a doctor who  
  
was trying to find the way to overcome 'the human condition of death', as he liked to call it. He   
  
knew much of the dark arts and using that, with his knowledge of the human body, he transformed   
  
the brothers into their current states. Apparently something had gone wrong though, as they had  
  
taken on more physical traits in the crossing then they should have. However, the doctor had said   
  
it was a success, as they both acquired an innate talent for magic, and their new bodies wouldn't  
  
age a day. In the process, however, he had wiped their memories of their pasts. Using his magic,   
  
he strengthened the link they shared instead.   
  
  
  
He gave them both one name; GuShoShin.  
  
  
  
The man was very cruel, as they both quickly learned. He murdered at will with no reguard  
  
to human life. Often, he would take his victims into his lab to cut them apart, and experiment on   
  
their corpses. The twins were forced to assist him in his mutilation of the dead, for if ever one of  
  
them was to refuse or disobey him, he would lock that twin in a cell, then torcher the other one.   
  
With their link enhanced as it had been, it felt as though they both were beeing torchered. Neither   
  
one could bare the thought of doing that to the other.   
  
  
  
It was an effective punishment.  
  
  
  
It was the night the lab had exploded, that the GuShoShin had made plans to escape. GuShoShin   
  
didn't give the exacts as to what happened, but he said that it was because of his brother that he  
  
was able to escape. GuShoShin had come back to the lab to search for his twin, but his brother  
  
and their master, had disappeared without a trace. GuShoShin insisted that his twin was still  
  
alive, though. That he could feel him through their link. However, if he was still alive, the only  
  
reason that he wouldn't have come to him, would be if the doctor was still alive too, and he was  
  
still under that monster's power.  
  
  
  
GuShoShin signed up to help the NSF as the document keeper, our 'librarian'. If there was  
  
any clue to the doctor in those files, he wanted to find it. It's been almost four years since  
  
then. Nothing on the man GuShoShin called 'master' exists in our files, yet GuShoShin says that  
  
he still feels his brother, and for that, he will keep working for the NSF. He believes, that   
  
eventually, one of the cases we receive will lead him to his former 'master', and in turn, his   
  
lost twin.  
  
  
  
'If it weren't for that man, GuShoShin would be just a normal little boy.' I can't keep  
  
myself from feeling pity for the child like creature in front of me. He'd gone through a lot in   
  
his short life, yet even still, he was strong. He hadn't given up, and he was still fighting with  
  
a strong spirit that lit up is eye's and seemed to rub off on anyone who was near him. He said that  
  
no matter what, as long as his brother lived, he would never stop search, never give up hope. I  
  
hope that his brother IS alive still, for GuShoShin's sake.   
  
  
  
"Hey? You still with me??" GuShoShin is standing up on a chair waving a hand in front of  
  
my eyes. He lets out a small sigh, as I jerk back to the present. "Man, Tsuzuki," He starts as he  
  
hops off the chair, " you sure choose odd times to take a little mental brake." His young voice,  
  
is full of sarcasm.   
  
  
  
"Well," I get down on my heels, so I can look him in the eyes, " I was just thinking you   
  
look like a little elementary kid dressed like that!" He turns to me and taps my head with one  
  
of his fingers. An odd energy seeps into my body, first warm as it ripples through me, then it   
  
quickly changes to cold as I feel my joints ridge up. I try to ask him what he did, but my mouth  
  
won't move, I can't even blink!  
  
  
  
"I'm sorry Tsuzuki," GuShoShin grins devilishly at me, scrunching up his little feather  
  
covered face, "I missed that, could you repeat it to me." His hand is to his little ear, mockingly.   
  
  
  
"Ummmhh Umuummm," A throaty reply is all I can manage to get out through my clenched mouth.  
  
  
  
"Well, what's that?" He leans in closer to me and I try again, this time I try shouting,   
  
but the words only brake apart in my throat, making them sound like hysterical cries.   
  
  
  
"Ah, I see, so you really mean that you don't NEED me to be doing you this favor, even   
  
though I was putting myself on the line for you, facing a prickling Tatsumi just to help YOU  
  
out? So, I guess I can just go home then?" He taps my head again, releasing me from the spell, I  
  
tip over, losing my precarious balance, and end up on my side on the ground. GuShoShin, shoves his  
  
face a few inches away from mine and gives me a hard, questioning, "Hmm??"  
  
  
  
"Ahh, GOMEN!" I put my hands together and bow my head, while still maintaining my sprawled   
  
position on the floor. GuShoShin gives a satisfied look as he goes to the chair he had stood on   
  
before and begins to hang his rain coat and hat on it. I return to my feet by the time he finishes,   
  
as he turns before me, dressed as he usually is, in that same ancient Chinese style garb as always.   
  
I take a seat at the table, while Gushoshin goes back to the bed, fishing around underneath it.   
  
Finding what he was looking for, he pulls it out. I have to stifle a giggle when I see it. It's   
  
a small red backpack that has little cutesy animals embroidered on it. I clam up tight when he   
  
shoots me that warning glare. This was just getting too good!  
  
  
  
"I have something for you," he says as he joins me at the table, taking the seat across   
  
from mine. Opening up his backpack he pulls out a laptop that he slides to me.  
  
  
  
I flip it open and it turns on automatically. There's some owl wallpaper on the desktop,  
  
and an icon that says 'Click Me ^_^!' Yes, everything about this screams Watari. I click the   
  
Icon, using the built in mouse. A window starts to load, then opens to reveil...  
  
  
  
"TA-TA-TATSUMI?!!?!?!" Is the only greeting I can manage to get out at the man who is   
  
glowering at me on the computer screen. He's got that, 'I'm one step ahead of you like always'  
  
smirk of his on, a cowering Watari pops up behind him, waving a greeting from his position behind   
  
the sinister secretary.   
  
  
  
"Well, hello to you too, Tsuzuki-san." His voice is perfectly level, only his eye's which  
  
are flickering with black, and the shadows shifting in the background of what looks like Watari's  
  
lab, give away what he's really feeling.  
  
  
  
'Ohhhh yeah! He's mad.'  
  
  
  
"Y-Yes?" I've put on my best scared puppy dog face, hoping to pacify the choleric man.   
  
My hopes raise as I see him let out a weary sigh. I raise my eye's hopefully to him.  
  
  
  
"JUST WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!"  
  
  
  
"Wahh!!" I tip my chair over in fright and I go crashing to the floor. He projects his   
  
inflamed aura even through a computer screen!   
  
  
  
"You can't have other employees abandoning their duties here to go and help you, whenever   
  
you want." His tone is like ice, and it betrays no leniency on my behest. "It's a waist of funds  
  
to pull out more then two people on a mission." His tone turns deadly with his last words. Oh   
  
yeah, that's why he gets mad at stuff like this. He's always about the money in the end.  
  
  
  
"This job was assigned to you and Hisoka. You're going to just have to get it together for  
  
this mission. This goes for you too, Hisoka. Hisoka?" He pauses from his rant and I keep myself   
  
far away from the very stoic face that, now, is glancing around the room.  
  
  
  
"Tsuzuki, where's Hisoka?" Tatsumi's voice is full of warning, if I use the wrong words,  
  
I have no doubt he'll withhold my pay for this month.  
  
  
  
"Well, you see, what happened was......" I nervously begin to explain all that happened   
  
that day, hoping Tatsumi would show some compassion on the situation.  
  
  
  
At the VERY least, hoping he wouldn't forgo my paycheck again!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
**********************************************  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The sun had descended from the sky, but clouds still covered the night stars, never ceasing  
  
in their down pour from the heavens. It was this light tapping that pulled the emerald eyed youth  
  
from his deep slumber. He had slept so deeply, he hadn't even dreamt.   
  
  
  
'SO,' he remised, 'there are some benefits to being that exhausted.'  
  
  
  
Suddenly, Hisoka was aware of another presence in the room with him. Someones soft   
  
voices in a lullaby that was filling the black air around him. He sat up slowly, his eyes   
  
adjusting to the unnatural cloud of darkness the room was covered in. Across from him, he could   
  
make out, through the light of the window, two figures, two women, their faces, though, were still  
  
masked by the darkness, impossible to see. The smaller figure was leaning up against the taller   
  
one, who had her arms wrapped lightly around the smaller girl. She was singing sofltly and rocking   
  
the smaller one, who only nuzzle closer to the source of the soothing tune..  
  
  
  
"Yuma?" Hisoka questioned lightly.   
  
  
  
The rocking stopped, and Hisoka felt the air in the room change over from that of care   
  
and comfort, to that of shock, dread, fear, and then, slowely, the feelings turned again. The   
  
emotions became that of sadistic humor. He couldn't see her face, but he didn't have to. He   
  
knew she must have a twisted smile pulling at her mouth.   
  
  
  
'No, not Yuma.' Quickly the days events replayed themselves out again in his mind. He   
  
came to the NSF, met Konoe, Tatsumi, and Tsuzuki. Nagasaki, he was in Nagasaki now. An ally,  
  
pain, warm light, the smell of disinfectant....  
  
  
  
Dark, sickening thoughts pushed against Hisoka's mind. Longing, longing to cause pain,   
  
longing to hurt, longing to for the feeling just as someone gave up, their spirit broken under   
  
the will of the other. Desire, hate, and that sadistic fascination, like a cat who has found a   
  
mouse to rip it's long claws into. To bat at it, letting it run a little, then swiping it down   
  
again. Bleeding it slowly to the edge of death. A savage desire for the crimson that so easily   
  
flowed when aloud. The emotions pushed hard against his mental barriers, pressing cracking,   
  
forcing their way in.  
  
  
  
Hisoka's breath hitched in his throat, the presence that emitted these thoughts, these   
  
dark, sick feelings, moved off of the bed, and advanced toward him. Soft foot falls sliced into   
  
the night storm's rhythmic drumming against the building. Each step making his next breath come   
  
thicker then last, harder and harder to push into his lungs.   
  
  
  
She was only a few feet away from him now, only a few feet, and yet, the shadows only   
  
intensified around her face. How could he be so close and still not see what stood right in front  
  
of him?! Even without seeing her eye's he could see her mouth. A mouth where the edges turned up   
  
and pulled the lips desperately thin against teeth. Hisoka opened his mouth, but no sound emerged.  
  
He tried again, and again, only the sound of air passing out of his throat was the result, his   
  
efforts a vain attempt. The girls lips pulled into an full open mouth grin. Ever so slowly, she  
  
raised her hand to her face, a finger pressing onto that very grin.   
  
  
  
"shhhh~"   
  
  
  
Her command stilled all sounds. The world became deafly quite, quite to the point where  
  
it seemed the silence was the loudest thing in the entire world. Sweat covered Hisoka's brow, his  
  
chest constricted. Using every bit of will he had, he pushed the fear to the back of his mind.   
  
There was no way in HELL he was going to let his mind crumble under the weight of the sick BITCH   
  
that stood before him! Pushing himself away form the foreboding figure, he readied himself to   
  
fight in anyway he could.   
  
  
  
Hisoka didn't have his gun with him, and there were no objects in reach to use against  
  
the advancing threat. Quickly weighing out his options, he braced himself against the wall. There  
  
was only one weapon left to him now, one he regarded with great apprehension. He didn't want to   
  
use it, if there was another way he could avoid it.   
  
  
  
The looming evil shadow suddenly shot out it's long bony clawed hands as it leapt onto   
  
him. Hisoka could see it's eye's then, saw how pitch black they were, and saw himself grow in   
  
the reflection of those eyes, as the creature grew in his own.   
  
  
  
It wants to kill him. It was going to kill him!  
  
  
  
Flesh rent and tore as it met razor sharp claws, crimson spattering against white walls and  
  
blue covers.   
  
  
  
Green eye's dilate, clouded with shock and pain.   
  
  
  
A word escapes from shaking lips.  
  
  
  
A red light fills the room.  
  
  
  
The rain descends to the ground, a rhythmic, constant lullaby. A lullaby that drowns out  
  
all other sounds, enveloping the city in it's sad song, all the way through until the night's end.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
..............TBC  
  
*********************************  
  
  
  
My little note's-you-can-skip-over-if-you-don't-wanna-read-this-crappy-kinda-stuff....  
  
  
  
HAHAHA! A real cliff hanger, right, right?... Right?  
  
  
  
Sorry this one took so long. I had writer's block for a bit there. Gomen ne?   
  
  
  
The second coupling to be announced? How do you like a little shoujo-ai? Yes the second  
  
coupling will be a little Maria Wong and Rina Ito. Like it? Don't? Well, if you're against   
  
shoujo-ai... just relax and take it slow ^_^! Shoujo isn't such a far jump from Shounen that   
  
anyone here shouldn't be able to handle it.  
  
The GuShoShin, is himself! I tried really hard when I was making the plot to put the   
  
GuShoShin in there, in a believable way, didn't fail, did I -_-;?  
  
  
  
The cast grows! Maria, GuShoShin, and even Yuma is mentioned so far in this chapter.   
  
I'm so proud right now ^_^. only a few more to knock down, but unfortunately, that won't be till  
  
way later. Damn plot, getting in the way of my fun... well the plots fun too so that's okay.   
  
Plus, enough forshadowing to choke a horse in this one, huh?  
  
And a BIG thank you everyone for your kind words! It really helps me to write and be   
  
inspired, when my brain takes a hiatus. Really, it means alot #^_^#   
  
  
  
Again C&C welcome. Let me know of how you think the story is going so far. Like, love, hate? 


	5. Wondering if I am Lost Now

Disclaimer: Yoko Matsushita owns all of the characters in this story unless otherwise stated. For example, Rina Ito is mine. Allllllll~ mine!  
  
  
  
Warnings: This is an AU, meaning, that I can do almost whatever I want with these guys and its okay! Also, the rating may go up later, but I'll make sure to change the rating when that happens. Also, there's going to be shounen AND shoujo-ai. Consider this  
  
a fair warning.  
  
  
  
Parings: A little TsuxSoka and a Maria/Rina. More to come.  
  
  
  
  
  
POV will always be first person in when it's Tsuzuki, and only him.  
  
  
  
Note: Thoughts= '....' Memories= //...//  
  
................................................................................................................................................  
  
  
  
  
  
My World of Strawberries and Cream  
  
  
  
  
  
Wondering if I am Lost Now  
  
  
  
// "What are you doing out here Rina?" Maria ran to her friend who stood in a stupor, eyes raised to the dark clouds above her. Her school uniform hung heavily about her small toned body. The rain made her usual dark hair, become void of any other color. Maria, reaching her friend who was absorbed into her own world, moved her umbrella over so it covered Rina too.  
  
"Really, Rina," Maria knew she sounded like a scolding parent, but continued anyways, "you can't just stand out here in the rain like that, you'll get sick!" The aforementioned friend's head lulled to its side, her eyes had that odd distant look that Maria had come to recognize. Rina had lovely eyes, or that's what Maria always thought.   
  
Maria was Chinese born, but when she was only a little girl; her mother had sent her to Japan to live with her aunt, who had moved to Nagasaki some years ago. There was a prestigious all girls' music school in Nagasaki, and Maria, as her mother had often remarked, showed promise ever since she was little with the art of song. Many in her home town said that she could make the goddesses jealous with her beautiful voice that rang like pure bells in the ears of all who heard her. Once in the Japanese school, however, Maria received nothing but the worst bulling. Often she would return home from her classes with claw marks on her face, bruises on her knees, and tears in her eyes. The other students were jealous, she knew, she had out shined everyone there. Scholarships where offered for secondary education, and many people had high hopes that, with her voice, and natural beauty, she would become the next big international idol, a star. It took all she had to go to that school, that hell, everyday, and, as such, her nights were filled with sobs and tears into a pillow as her heart broke from inside her shell of a body.   
  
  
  
One day, at the beginning of class, Maria looked up from her view out of the window, pulled from her daydream of cherry blossoms, as she heard the teacher announce a new student; Ito, Rina. She was pretty, but just a notch above common. Her eyes said she wasn't paying much attention, as her gaze lazily rolled over the class, over Maria, and then, out the window, as her eyes seemed to be pulled longingly at the pink, full blossomed trees that lay just outside of the glassy view.  
  
  
  
That girl, Rina, was assigned the empty seat next to Maria, as there were many empty seats next to the girl who was being hazed by her classmates. Rina was given warm smiles by most in the class, and Maria, who saw no reason to be nice to her soon to be enemy, just turned her gaze back out her window. She had been so lost in her own world, in the effort to escape the here and now; she didn't feel the gentle prodding of a pencil. It wasn't until she saw something fly an inch in front of her nose, gently tapping the glass, that she noticed the new girl's irritated side stares and the tiny folded piece of white paper that had flicked back from the window to lie in the center of her notebook.  
  
'That didn't take long,' were her cold, agitated thoughts as she glared back at the girl next to her. 'She just got here, and already she's deciding to try and pick on me like everyone else? What? Is there a –bully me please! - sign on me and I don't know it??' Slowly, Maria picked up the white note, and she silently locked gazes with the dark eyed girl next to her. Then, Maria gingerly ripped the note into small pieces, an unspoken challenge in her eyes as she glared at the new girl, who just glared right back.  
  
After school that day, Maria went down to get her bike from where it was chained to the bike rail under the school overhang. There waiting for her, were the three girls that came off as the ring leaders in her hazing. She kept her face high; her eye's indifferent, just as she always had. Even when they pushed her down, even when they clawed at her face, and kicked her abdomen, even then, she kept her cries buried deep in her throat; her tears staved clear of her eyes. There was only one thing different now, then there ever had been before; someone was watching. It was her new enemy; Rina Ito.  
  
'Of course, it would figure. Look, take a good long look! I want you to see; see what I've shown them all a million times now. I want you to see my eyes, see my face. I will not shed tears, not in front of any of you. You can do whatever you want, but I will not break for any of you!' Resentment bit at her brow as she glared unyielding at the new student, who only looked mildly shocked at what she saw before her. Then, as if nothing was happing in front of her, she turned around and went to undo her own bike. Maria couldn't keep the chuckle from her throat. Yes, she would show them all just how tough she was, because, in the end, she was destined for more then they could ever dream. That was what she told herself over and over again. That she was more then these pathetic girls, she was born to be great, she was not born to be cursed to live in pain! Maria's eyes pressed tightly closed, trying to seal the deepest part of herself away from the world she lived in, from her hell, from her life.   
  
  
  
Suddenly, there was a crushing sound as steel met bone. Maria looked up, shocked to find out it wasn't her bones that had received the harsh assault. Yoko, one of the girls who had been attacking her, held her face tightly as blood poured out from her nose, dripping crimson through her clasped fingers. The other two girls backed away, sweat and alarm on their faces. Maria followed their gaze to find Rina, her face, a facade of annoyance, and a bloodied bicycle chain that was wrapped tightly around her fist.   
  
  
  
"You BITCH!" Yoko somehow managed between coughs of blood that had dripped down to her throat.  
  
  
  
"You low classed rat! That's a dirty trick!!" The other two lackeys stepped up, though they were very wary of Rina, who held a weapon in her hand. Rina's mask never shifted, her gaze still locked onto Yoko, ignoring the other two bullies as if they never even existed. Yoko stepped back as Rina took a slow, firm step forward.  
  
  
  
"What do you think you're doing?! Are you crazy?" Yoko's words cracked as her voice rose desperately. "Are you looking for a fight?!" Rina tipped her head slightly to the side, letting the chain drop to hang freely; a menacing stare, one that looked as though no sane person could wear it, claimed her face.  
  
  
  
"Do you want to?" The words held a simple question, a longing one, one with no false pretense of threat that played behind them. It wasn't needed, it was a guarantee. The three bullies shifted around Rina, keeping their distance safely out of reach of the metal that hung freely from the dark eyed girl's hand. Once they were switched around, the three girls snatched the first chance they saw and dashed away to safety, leaving the crazed new student and Maria, who was battered and bruised. Threats of parents in high places, and promises of expulsion came from the trio of fleeing girls.   
  
  
  
Maria turned her gaze up from them, after they disappeared around the corner of the building, and her eyes found Rina's own, staring down at her. No words were offered, as Rina turned away, and headed back to her bike, the reason she had come back to this spot in the first place.  
  
  
  
"H-HOLD IT!" Maria used all of her will as she shifted her weight to her feet, and slowly stood up, a hand clutching her tattered arm. "I didn't ask for help." Maria kept her tone full of false pride, her face, though as damaged as it was, shone through with her fake arrogance. Rina turned with her bike, and looked insipidly at Maria.  
  
  
  
"I never asked if you did." Was the clipped reply from the dark haired girl.  
  
  
  
"I WILL NOT be in your debt! I never asked for help, so I owe you nothing." It was the first time Maria had seen that distant look that she later grew to identify as a sign of Rina's uncanny ability to know more then she should ever been able to. It didn't scare her, though; it defiantly made her hairs stand on end whenever she saw it.  
  
  
  
"You," her hands released her bike; it collapsed down onto the earth. "If you're so concerned that you'll owe me," Dark distant eyes stared hard into cold hazel ones. "Then don't you think you should buy me a juice?"  
  
  
  
"J- Juice?" Maria's mind blanked as it suddenly found a simple request so hard to grasp.   
  
  
  
"I want juice." Rina had brought her face an inch away from Maria's own, her expression showed nothing but adamant seriousness at the small demand she had issued. "If you buy me a juice, then there's no way you owe me anything, right?"  
  
  
  
"What?" Rina ran back to her bike, and lifted it off the ground, dusting the seat off lightly. She then hopped up onto it, and rode it over to Maria, standing up on the pedals, and offering the seat to the other girl.   
  
  
  
"We'll forget ever meeting today, if you buy me a juice, okay?" The words were warmed by the dark haired girl's kind, radiating smile, one that made Maria feel something other then the bitter and cold emptiness she had felt for the past few years. It was odd, like her heart began to beat, slowly, as though it had stopped some time ago, and she hadn't noticed until this moment.   
  
  
  
"I…"  
  
  
  
"If you don't, then I'm going to have to remember meeting you today. Though, I wonder, would that be such a bad thing?" There was a time tested patients that the girl exuded, as if she was used to things going her way, given enough time  
  
  
  
Maria's head bent down as she felt a small smile touch her lips. She was trying to be her friend, wasn't she? She had saved her from the cruelties of her peers, and now, here she stood, a hand reached out to her, a placid smile, a calm aura that swelled around the entirety of her being. Maria couldn't help but to be swept up in its soothing power, feeling the walls in her heart, which had withstood under the most sever beatings, shake and crumble under that warm smile, and a that kind voice, one which only promised more comfort if accepted. Maria's frame shook, and trembled as she pressed her hands feverishly to her eyes. She crumpled down, her legs becoming useless under her weight. Sobs wracked her body and tears that had been kept inside, streamed down her scratched face. She couldn't tell if she was happy or sad, only that she finally realized just how lonely she was, only now that there was someone who was offering to take away the pain she didn't even realize she had.   
  
  
  
Maria gave a start when she felt someone's warm embrace around her, a soothing hand rubbing gently over her bruised back. No soft words came from Rina though, and her eyes remained closed. Words would only be false comfort; eyes would remember the broken look of Maria's face. Nothing false was offered, but a sincere warmth was conveyed in the lightest of touches. Somehow, more tears welled up behind her long lashes, and Maria pressed deeply into the kind embrace, desiring nothing more then to melt into the warmth that was given freely there. It wasn't for a long time, that she was able to stop shaking, able to pull herself away from the hug of her new friend. She hesitantly looked up at Rina, only to see what she saw before, a smile that was free of pity or judgment. Rina gave out her hand again and Maria took it, letting it support her as she rose slowly to her feet. Her eyes, that were always so beautiful, were red rimmed and puffy. Her face was cut and dirty, her body battered. Rina helped her onto the back of her bike, making sure that Maria's body wouldn't give out again. After the other girl was secure, Rina stood up on the pedals, pumping them up and down with her legs, pushing the bicycle out of the school grounds. Wrapping her hands onto the other girl's hips for balance, Maria let her eyes take in the sun as it slowly started to set in the distance over the city. The cool wind blew on her face, making her smile as it soothingly kissed her red, burning eyes.   
  
  
  
Somehow, despite how painful it had been, this was the happiest day of her life. The sound of Rina's bike tires as they pressed to meet the pavement, and Rina's strong, silent smile as she used her strength to take them away from the school, away from the hell that bloomed with sakura trees, it all only promised that there would be more days to come, more days that would top this one. This was a moment that she wanted to remember, and as long as she had this girl's kind smile, she felt she could remember it too.  
  
  
  
"Hey, wait a minute," Maria whispered as a thought pressed into her mind. "You used a chain on that other girl. They'll kick you out of school for that!" Rina only turned her head slightly, a pink tongue pushing past her lips.  
  
  
  
"Hehe, it's not like I care! This school was just a convenient way for my parents to send me away." The tone was mocking, and if there was any pain in the words, Maria couldn't hear it.   
  
  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry…" Family always tended to be a touchy subject with most people, especially with someone who was having problems with their own.  
  
  
  
"Don't be, I'm not. However, I wasn't kidding before…" Her tone became stoic, her face slack.  
  
  
  
"What?" Maria craned around so she could try and decipher Rina's facade. Rina brought the bike to a stop, giving her full attention to the nervous girl. She stared long and hard at Maria, her eyes portraying a variety of emotions. Maria gulped slightly, fidgeting under the stare.   
  
  
  
Rina finally exclaimed, in a commanding voice, "I want juice." After blinking several times, her hand flew to her mouth. It was all Maria could do to keep her poor hurt body from bursting at the seams in a fit of laughter then.   
  
It had been almost two years since that fateful day, the day they first met. Since then, a strong bond of friendship and love had tied the two girls together. In the time that had followed their meeting, Maria had become recognized as a gifted singer, even though she was still one year to graduate from high school. Many things had happened since that time so long ago, and much had changed. Maria's mind was brought out of thoughts of the past by an arm that snaked through her own. She followed it up to the soaked girl who owned it. Her smile was just as warm, if not warmer then when they had first met, because now, kindness was replaced with fondness, and the calm aura that had enveloped her, and made way to also include room for a pure love, it made her glow. Maria knew that her looks made her attractive in the eyes of many people, yet, the girl she was walking next to, in her eyes, was the most beautiful person in the world, and no one but Maria could see that. Before she knew what she was doing, Maria had lent down and kissed Rina softly on the cheek.  
  
  
  
"Maria!" The small, red faced girl looked up into hazel eyes, shock coving her expression. "What if someone sees??" Rina hissed embarrassed under her breath as her eyes took in the street around them. What few people there were who were out in the rain where huddled under umbrellas, and they had their heads turned to the ground, careful of the water that puddle and pooled there. Maria's warm eyes smiled at the flushed girl before her.  
  
  
  
"They just can't see what's in front of them is all." Her voice was calm as she wrapped her free arm around the girl who she had come to love more then anyone she'd ever known.  
  
  
  
"Maria…" The dark haired girl had her eyes turned down to the ground; her voice wavered with what almost seemed like a light fear.  
  
"Maria, don't become a singer."  
  
  
  
"What?" Maria turned to face the dark eyed girl, who looked as though she was staring death in the face. "Rina, why…? You, you always supported me in singing, right?" Black wet matted down hair whipped back and forth as Rina furiously shock her head. Maria reached out a hand to touch the erratic girl's shoulder, but Rina jumped back, away from the touch, and out from under the umbrella they had shared. Tiny hands pressed into her head, as again she whipped her head side to side, as she dropped to sit on the balls of her heels. Rocking back and forth, she kept shaking her head, as though a demon had found its way into her mind, and was driving her crazy.  
  
  
  
"Rina?!"  
  
  
  
"Don't go Maria, don't go, please!!" Distant eyes stared down at the earth, fear clouding them. Maria could only stare in morbid fascination at her love's odd behavior. She knew Rina to have dazed spells, but never had they made her do this before! Suddenly the jerked movements stopped, as the raven haired girl tipped, falling down to the muddied ground.  
  
  
  
"RINA!!" The umbrella fell to the ground, as arms infolded, lifting up the collapsed body. "Rina…?" Soft hands pushed matted hair away from the closed eyes of the one she tenderly held in her arms. Rocking the collapsed girl, Maria hummed a comforting tune to her dear friend.  
  
'Rina… What do you mean?' Maria's hazel eyes scanned the face before her, hoping to gain any sort of clue as to what made the poor girl faint. However, despite how good Rina was at such things, Maria could not discern what it was that had seemed to take over the other girl.   
  
"You must know I'd never leave you… Right?"//  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The black eyed demon placed up a hand to block its face as a powerful red energy burst from the boy's body. Its face was saved, but the arm that received the majority of the onslaught of the assault, had already begun to blister from the ferocity of the mental attack. If he had been able to keep up the attack, he could have done some serious damage to the tall, black eyed monster. However, the demon was quick, as the poison it had administered to the boy when it sliced his neck had made the blond collapse a few seconds after the wound was created.   
  
  
  
Picking up the young boy by the neck, the demon bent in close, smelling the open gash it had inflicted. A long red tongue pushed out of the fiend's lips. Licking at the blood that slowly pumped from the youth's neck, a slow, deep, satisfying smiled crept onto the lips of the creature. This time it would work. His blood was perfect for the spell. It would work, and the contract would be complete. Now, all that was needed was to find a safe place to break the boy's soul from his body. Long wiry limbs firmly held it's pray in a vice like grip. Black eyes shifted to the bed across the room, taking in the still sleeping figure of the girl who lay there. Once it was completed, there would be no more need, to bend to that 'others' will. The demon strode over to the bed, ripping the tubes and wires with long, razor claws. The heart monitor flat lined, as the sleeping girl was picked up under the opposite arm of the one that held the boys figure. Both hung limply there, as though dead.  
  
  
  
The sounds of shouting nurses and hard soled shoes grew louder as the night duty staff rushed to the room. The demon, whose body seemed to embrace the very shadows themselves, turned its dark gaze to the doorway.  
  
  
  
'Maybe there will be more fun to be had after all?'   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
There was no singing of birds that hailed the sun's return to our sky, but the lullaby that had lulled Rina in her restless dreams had ceased. She was instead; greeted by a stiff body that refused to respond to the pulling of her muscles, a sore, dry throat, and eyes that defied her will to open. Hacking, she curled her body in on its self. How was it that the blood that ran through her body burned, yet she herself felt like she was so cold? Using what will she had, again she bade her eye's to open. Her will, though, had weakened over the years; her eye's still remained closed. With nothing but the darkness, the cold, she began to feel like she had died. However, if she had died, then why was her body still in so much pain? It still hurt; it hurt as bad as it did that day. That day, when the darkness claimed her, when she felt the cold seeping into her very bones, the water mixed with her blood.  
  
  
  
It was on that day she had died.  
  
  
  
"Agggghhhhh!!" It was that scream again. Pain, pain, pain. Why was everything filled with pain? A hospital, where she had spent so much time, a bed, where she could only lay and stare out a window. Light sobs began to fill the air, and Rina felt them pulling her soul out of the shadows. Eyes that disobeyed her before, answered her in force, as she pressed them tightly closed. Will it all away, that's all she could do, just will it all away, right? Another sharp cry snapped her back into the real world, a world that she had only wanted to fade away from.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Maria!" A horse cry, filled with more emotions then the angry tone implied. Hisoka could feel them as they strongly pushed against his blurred mind. The pain the long, curved nail caused as it ran over his arms and chest, suddenly stopped. The young empath had had his eye's closed, wish, willing, praying for the monster to stop, yet when it did, he was shaken more then relieved. Since when had god taken to answering his   
  
prayers?   
  
  
  
The rain had not ceased, he realized suddenly. He could not hear the world outside of the room he was in, the whole time he lying on the ice cold floor. He didn't know where he was, yet he knew where it wasn't. It was not anyplace he had ever been before. It looked like the hospital still, yet it was warn, paint chipping away, dirt and dust doting everything in the room. He didn't recognize the place, but that wasn't where his mind had been for the past hour. He hadn't seen, or heard anything since he woke up under a searing, pain. He had not heard anything, save for the incessant pounding of blood that pressed into his ears. His mind, which was so far removed from his body at the moment, had never even registered that he was the one screaming. A chilled breeze blew lightly over his writhing body. The cold felt good to him, because the cuts the nail had caused as it had twisted and curved as it made it's way over his body, felt as though it burned it's way through his skin.   
  
  
  
"Maria." Hisoka let his eyes slid down past his tormentor, to the source of the new sound that played on his ears. It was a sickly looking, pale girl. She had dark eyes and raven hair. Her skin was more then just fair though, as it was near see-through and blue veins showed clearly in her hands. She lay in a sitting position, the dirty wall propping her up. If it weren't for the emotions that rolled strongly off the girl, he would have thought her no more then a corpse. Her eyes, which were open now, shone with more emotion then her voice lead on to believe. Hisoka tried to feel into the emotions, to grasp onto one that would help him clear his muddled mind; one that would distract him from the pain the enveloped him, one that would bring him out of this hellish reenactment of his past.  
  
  
  
Emerald eyes bulged, a hand desperately grabbing at his heart. It felt like it was breaking in two! No, it was more then that, like is very soul was breaking. Injustice, fear, pain, and so much anguish that there were no words yet invented to describe. His body curled in on its self of its own volition, until he appeared as child wrapping paled and bloody arms over his viciously mutilated form. Deep green, pained eyes hid behind dark lashes, his brow noting, in an effort to separate him self from the new pain he had unwittingly welcomed into himself. Using all his will he tried to push away the emotions he had taken on, pushing away the entire pain and heart break that had wrapped tightly around his heart, like invisible hands, crushing down upon his chest. One by one he unwrapped, and detangled himself from the unwanted feelings, until only one was left to him. Hisoka whipped his head up as quickly as his injured state would allow him. There was no way, no way this is also what the sickly girl felt, hidden in the deepest dark shadows of her heart! It was very small, but it was unyielding in his attempts to divide it up, like it was a vain attempt, just as much as it would be to split hairs with a dull blade.  
  
  
  
"Don't worry, my 'lovely one'." Hisoka's thoughts where cut into by a voice that should have been more then angelic, yet hearing it now, it made the hairs on his body stand on end. It came from the black eyed girl, one who had unnaturally long arms and deep red claws that came from the ends of the tips of her fingers, her skin shinning like it was a twin to the surface of the pure white of a full moon. One deadly hand slowly curled and brushed the brow of the sickly looking girl. The evil creature's expression softened as it gazed into the girl's dark languid eyes, "My one, who will only be beautiful for me and me alone." The dark eyed girl seemed to be desperately pressing herself against the wall, her eyes wide with worry. "Shh," The demon soothed softly into her ear, "It's alright. I'll finally be able to make you whole again."  
  
  
  
"Maria, don't…" It wasn't a scared request from a horrified child, because her voice, while pleading and pained, had no fear melding into it. The plea seemed to touch the demon, as her eyes lost some of the shade that quelled up in them, allowing the faintest hazel irises to peek through. New emotions came from the demon now, ones that were identical to what the other girl had been projecting. Hisoka knew there was something very wrong with the black eyed girl, yet now he felt a new apprehension cloud his mind. She portrayed two different sets of emotions. One was that of something that was in no way human, it was cruel and cold; a true monster. Yet the other was soft, longing, and it reminded him deeply of someone he knew. A small movement drew Hisoka from his quandary as a sickly pale hand strained to use what strength it had to rise and softly caress the demon's cheek.   
  
  
  
"Please, let me go…" It was an urgent heartfelt plea that spoke of longing, of wishing for finality, one that was desperately desired.  
  
"My Rina, you must understand," The woman with hazel eyes was gone, as they now were replaced by a tempest of black. A clawed hand gingerly reached up to the caressing one, and held it firmly, yet, not so hard as to cause the frail young woman pain. "Some things are always going to change," slowly Rina's hand was returned to her lap, as the menacing figure turned its attention onto Hisoka who still clutched his bleeding carcass, "and some things, will never change." Advancing onto the blond boy, a quick gesture, and Hisoka felt his body pulled taunt by invisible hands that pressed him roughly into the ground, a soft whimper escaping his lips as wounds, which had only faintly begun to stop bleeding, quickly reopened under the strain. Hisoka tried to use all his strength to pull himself free of the unseen forces, to no avail. Frantically, pulling what shattered parts of his mind he could together, Hisoka tried to use his empathy to discharge another mental energy attack at the advancing woman, yet it only weakly fell off of the demons shield. When the demon, 'Maria', was right over him, she began again with her cutting, carving ruins into his flesh, this time though, it felt like they hurt twice as much as before. Bitter tears bit at the corners of his eyes as he screamed out in anguish. Hisoka saw the demon's lips form words, but, again, he could not hear any sound, save for the one his screams made as they echoed in his own ears.   
  
'Please, someone help me….!'  
  
………….TBC  
  
  
  
Poor Hisoka, why is he always the whipping boy in this fic?!? I've been trying to write him as tough, yet all the sheyt keeps happening to him! He'll get his chance to shine soon enough!! ^_^; *really I'm trying here*  
  
Wizzu, challenge accepted! ^_^ actually, I'd rather that I don't have to convert, that's not what I'm out to do, yet this is who the character's wrote themselves out to be. It'd be sad if people choose not to like them just because of that reason alone though.  
  
To Rinoa, thanks for the critic, it's encouraged me to take more time on the chapters…. To also not stay up till 7am writing and then post said chapter -_-;   
  
Gommen, I won't do it again!  
  
And to everyone who took time out of their day to read/ critic, thank you ^_^!  
  
The title for this chapter is a line from the Haibane Renmei OST that I was listening to when writing this chapter. I chose it because I felt that this song depicted Maria and Rina's relationship well, as their past was highlighted in this chapter. It's called 'Wondering', and if you get the chance, check it out. It's a perfect song for these two, but it COULD be a slight spoiler for if you read into it too much. However I don't think anyone is going to get it till after they read the next chapter and re-listen carefully to the song, like, twice or something.  
  
Next chapter? Stuff generously hits the fan, and the Rina/Maria case will come to a close… Just as to WHAT that means, for that you'll have to wait and see ^_^!  
  
C&C love, love, loved! 


	6. The Eternal Whisper in the Shadow of Sur

Disclaimer: Yoko Matsushita is the creator of all Yami no Matsuei. The only thing that's mine is the character Rina Ito, any other OCs that I might create will be listed when they show up.  
  
Warning(s): This is an AU... Basically, if you've made it this far you already KNOW this warning so aren't you sick of seeing it over and over again? Well, this chapter is, uhh.... VERY violent and much tragedy is filled within, so if you don't think you can handle it, you could skip this chapter. I'll give a brief sum up at the very end. If, however, you're like me and you like this kinda stuff, please enjoy   
  


* * *

  
POV: First person POV will always be Tsuzuki and no one else; however POV will change when I feel it's best for the story.  
  
Notes: Again, '...' thoughts and //...// is memories.  
  
This is the end of the Rina/Maria case.  
  
My World of Strawberries and Cream  
  
The Eternal Whisper in the Shadow of Surging Tears  
  
There's a constant tapping sound filling my ears. A light feeling of my body's trembling. I've been trying to focus, to pay attention to what Watari and Tatsumi have been saying. What was it, something about the blood of the victims? Oh, that's what he said, he said that they all shared the same blood type; 'AB' is what he said... Or, at least I THINK that's what he said. I press my eyes closed hard a few times, as they are getting hazy yet it does nothing to help my body return to normalcy.  
  
"Well, I can see how that would be over looked, it's not like they were a rare blood type." I can hear GuShoShin speaking, and I turn to face the figure next to me. He too, is becoming like everything else in the room, softly blurred.  
  
"Well, there's still a chance that this isn't related at all to why they were chosen, it's the only thing we've been able to find so far though, even if it is a feeble connection." I can hear the words, but they don't make any sense in my mind, abstract ideas, words and meaning are so inconceivable right now. Tatsumi says something next, but again words, just words with no meanings behind them.  
  
I have a strange feeling, like I can see all of us as we sit right now, in this very room, like I'm watching things unfold in a story, someone not connected to any of it. Suddenly, there is a soft constant and growing apprehension in my heart. Reaching up to my chest, I feel for the irregular rhythm that has possessed my heart's beating.  
  
"Something's not right. Something's very wrong." The words are hard to choke out, like someone has their hand around my throat, and all my words pinched off from there.  
  
Every eye in the hotel room looks up to me with my whispered announcement. Tatsumi is asking me something from his position in the monitor, yet his words are so very far away now. I try closing my eyes, try to block out this deep shadow that is clenching hold of my heart. Something is very wrong. It hurts, a shade, a cloud of deep heart felt anguish and pain, and these distant emotions feel they are taking over me. I open my eyes, and the world has abandoned its usual perception, as every thing around me is covered in a haze, shifting slightly in and out of its usual clarity. There's a light buzzing, and a soft pressure is being applied to my arm. I try to focus on the source, yet I can barely make out the form of my white feathered friend.  
  
"Gu...Sho....Shin......?" My tongue becomes as a lead weight in my mouth, a mouth that is dryer then the cotton grown in fields of sun. I can't even focus on the words I want to speak, the thoughts I carried before have taking flight now, far from my reach.  
  
The hazed world spins before me and I feel the most light headed and the heaviest, more so then I have ever felt. Both of the extremes are pulling me to the brink, and rational thought is far beyond any point of being conceivable. The only constant thing is the increasing feeling that I'm falling, sinking into a black nothingness that is not just pulling me, but the entire world into its depths. The darkness grows, and it is all that I can see now, nothing but the black void of emptiness as the real world just evaporates like mist.  
  
Somehow, it feels so very....relaxing, to be in this flowing, rippling void, where nothing is, and nothing matters.  
  
'Wait, no, this isn't right. There's something important I'm forgetting isn't there?' My brow furls in thought, yet, the more I try to focus on what was important, the more blurred and distant the idea becomes. I soon stop in my efforts. I feel good here, here in this empty placid world where nothing exists to play on my senses, nothing to remind me that I'm alive.  
  
'Is this death then? If it is, then how? Oh, that's right; it doesn't matter,' I can feel my lips pull up lightly into a soft, pathetic grin; 'Nothing is here, just this cold black darkness. It's cold, yet, that's fine.' I wrap my arms around my body, closing my eyes and letting my consciousness slip into the darkness, letting go of any will I had left to remain me, to linger in my world.  
  
'I finally get my wish, to fade into nothing, to be nothing.... This is all I wanted for so long now. To be nothing...that would be just so...nice..."  
  
Just when I reach the point of evaporating like the world had before, of becoming one with the shaded abyss that has lulled me silently into its depths, I can hear something, something that is softly forming out of the empty black world. It's calling to me, sending warm caresses out to me. It's so soft, yet pleading so deeply. I wish it would leave me be, leave me to what I've yearned for, longed for with all my heart. In truth, I'm tempted to ignore the plea, the call, yet there is something so familiar in this warm presence, something that I know I should remember, an important thing, but I can't clear my head, nor can I find the will to challenge that dark clouds that have gathered there. I slowly open my eyes, question held on the tip of my tongue, as I'm greeted by a white light that is pushing the inky dark away into shadow. The source of the light, the warmth, is a blond haired boy who is curled in upon himself. His eyes are veiled under tightly pressed long dark lashes, with tears that are spring out from underneath the lashed viels, to fall softly down his face. He's mouth is moving ever so slightly, as though he's mumbling something that isn't meant for anyone in particular. He's talking, his mouth is moving, yet no words issue forth. A pained expression filled with sadness is infused in his visage. I move my lips and tongue, call out to him, yet, I too am muted by this dark abyss.  
  
//...There's no such thing as a promise like that//  
  
A light stirring in my mind draws forth odd memories, of times and places from when or where I can not say, yet they are spilling over from my deepest hidden memories into what's left of my hallow heart.  
  
//Words don't mean anything in the end, now do they?//  
  
I remember, these things with no recollection, yet inside my heart is the stirring of feelings that were distant at first, yet in them is something so warmly familiar. As I reach out a hand to the blond before me, I feel as though I'm doing the same to those distant memories.  
  
//Words, NEVER mean anything, then just that... Words, will always be just words.//  
  
The closer I get to both, the clearer one thought in my mind becomes, there was something important, there was something that hide, guised under all my horrid memories, something that I want so desperately to clarify, something I know I want to remember.  
  
//Then, I'll tell you again... I'll tell you, with more then words.//  
  
The importance, of what, of why, I can not say, yet this is the only time I know of, when I can say that I have touched a memory from my past, and not felt tainted by it. No, in fact it was the opposite. The memory made me feel warm, comforted, and something else, something that was so much more than could ever be fit into such simple things as words.  
  
//It's a promise.//  
  
As I reach the boy, I half expect to drift right through him, wholly expect this peace I've found, this light before me to disappear on touch. That thought stills my actions and my hand drops lightly to my side. It would be better to live in an illusion of this feeling, of this idea of peace, then it would ever be to risk destroying it. If I touch him, then that fleeting memory would evaporate, just as he would from me. I crouch before the child that is sitting there still curled in his tight ball, his knuckles strained white.  
  
'He looks like he's in so much pain...' If I touch him, he'll disappear, and so would this illusion of peace... Yet, when I see that look, those tears, somehow, I don't mind the idea of being alone in my own misery. Just as long as it would mean that he could stop crying, stop existing in pain. Gently I place a hand on his head, shocked slightly that he hasn't disappeared right then and there. His head whips up and his eye lids fly open. The emerald irises that are embedded there are wide and filled with so many emotions that pain my heart to see them imbedded so deep, yet just under the surface of the glistening tears.  
  
"...Tsuzuki!?"  
  
"Hisoka...?"  
  


* * *

  
"TSUZUKI!?!" A high and frantic child like voice jerks my eyes open to be greeted by the glaring light that has now filled in where blackness once was. I quickly close them again as it feels like this light is burning my eyes, so much different then the light from before. A soft moan escapes my lips as the pain in my head recedes ever so slightly. Carefully I open up my eyes again, this time much more slowly. I can see two huge childlike eyes that are looking back at me. Though, these ones are not green.  
  
"Hisoka?!" I quickly sit up and am just as quick to fall back down. I crash back onto a carpeted floor, my first big sign that I'm not floating around in a black void.  
  
"Tsuzuki, are you alright?!?" Multiple voices all ringing with the same question. Learning my lesson from last time, I slowly sit up. I'm back in the hotel room; Tatsumi and Watari are still facing me on the monitor, though both look as to have nearly had a heart attack... Meaning Watari is practically giving himself CPR and Tatsumi, well I think he looks to have perspired a little...or I think so, at least. The rain is still tapping at the windows to the hotel room, and the darkness outside has not been prevailed over by the sun's first light. I look back over to my feathered friend, a questioning look over my face. He pulls himself together, as he seems to have been staving off tears, a few of which still hung in his wide eyes.  
  
"Tsuzuki, you collapsed, you fainted so quickly..." Well, despite how much he didn't look it, GuShoShin was still just a human child in heart, and he could no longer fight back the waterfalls that had built up in his terrified eyes. Throwing himself into my arms, sobbing widely, giving into his emotions. I strongly embrace him, trying to reassure him that I'm alright.  
  
"You got really pale, and you wouldn't wake up!" GuShoShin tried to continue between the sobs that racked his small body.  
  
"GuShoShin, I'm alright, I'm okay. You should know that just a little thing like fainting would NEVER hurt me!" I'm smiling and trying my hardest to calm the little guy in my lap, yet he just quickly shakes his head from side to side furiously.  
  
"NO!! No, Tsuzuki, you weren't okay. You're heart had STOPPED!!" I can't hide the shock that hits me at his words.  
  
'Does that mean... I really HAD died then? But that doesn't make any sense, because why would I see Hisoka there...?' Dread crawls slowly into my heart, feeling as though a long sharp claw is running itself up my spin, making my skin crawl and all the hairs on my body stand on end.  
  
"GuShoShin!" I yell at the young librarian, determination seeping though out my body. He looks up at me, startled out of his sobs. "You brought it, right?"  
  
"It...?" The little bird meeps out, his eyes are wide with a strange kind of expression that has taken over them. I think its fear, yet I don't have time to explain myself to him, I'll fully apologize later.  
  
"Hisoka's file, you brought it right?"  
  
"Y-Yeah..." His eyes doge away from me and seek the school bag he was carrying before. He quickly shuffles it open and returns with the file for me.  
  
"Hey Tsuzuki," the GuShoShin fidgets slightly, almost whispering, "You just wanted this as a cover I thought. I mean, so that ol' Tatsumi would let me come here, right?"  
  
"GuShoShin," a menacing voice projects from the open screen still sitting up on the table, "I CAN hear you. Besides, I already knew that's what you were doing, so you don't have to whisper about it. I'll also have you know I'm not THAT old." Tatsumi is rather prickling at the implication of his age, but a jolly Watari comes up behind the man and begins to pinch and pull at his cheeks. Watari really likes doing that to people.  
  
"Of course he's not 'that old'! LOOK at this face; does this look like an old person's face??" I can hear Watari's smile in his words, my eyes though, are taken to the task of reading the file, so I don't see what happens next, but it sure sounded like something snapped.  
  
"Uhh, Watari, I don't think that Tatsumi-san likes that..." GuShoShin nervously began, trying to point out the scientist's folly to him before Tatsumi composure broke.  
  
"Pish-Posh! How would you know if he doesn't like it, have you ever tried to do it?"  
  
"Watari~~" The name was spoken with such rage, one that I've heard in old samurai movies, you know, when the evil shogun is speaking? The threating voice was quickly followed by the sound of loud crashing, and threats of death, or no funding for a month. Quickly flipping the next page in the file, I scan down it till I finally find what I was looking for, all the while oblivious to the extent of the chaos around me.  
  
"I HAVE IT!!" I exclaim, yet it's not one that is attributed to relief. I had a hunch, and this might just have confirmed it... It and also what was now becoming my worst fear.  
  
"What?" Two faces turn to me, Watari, currently can't as doing so would break his neck, that is, judging by the neck lock Tatsumi has him in. It doesn't seem to be stopping him from trying though.  
  
"Watari," I begin, trying to fight off the desperation in my voice. "You said that their blood type was all that they had in common, right?"  
  
"Yes," The blond tried to crane his neck ever so slightly as Tatsumi loosened his grip on the other man, but by no means let go. "The only reason it was over looked before, was because it didn't really come off as odd. Type AB blood is not rare, and the only reason that I know it's really connected, is by the translations I was able to get off the spell. The spell was designed to release a 'pureed, living, free heart' from its victims. It was specifically written to only work on type AB blood. Though, that's rather an odd thing to purposefully write into your spell, don't you think?" My head sinks down and I can only look at the picture Hisoka in the folder before me.  
  
"I've done it again, it's my fault."  
  
"Tsuzuki?" The scientist's voice is filled with curiosity, no doubt at my words. My chest is becoming stiff, and I can't seem to draw breath to answer him, so my next words come much quitter then I meant for them to be.  
  
"The hospital," I begin, my brain finally catching up to me, "this area of Nagasaki only has one hospital."  
  
"What?" I stare up to find a bewildered look on everyone's face. Yet, I can't explain right now, there's no time.  
  
"I have an idea," I shout back at my friends as I rush to grab my coat and run out the door, my face turned from them. I can't let them see my face now, not now, when my mask is breaking with all my fear and guilt. There is only one hospital in this area of Nagasaki, the area where all the bodies were found. All the victims had to be known to have type AB blood. The blood of every patient is taken when administered to the hospital, and that's probably how the killer knew who type AB was. I quicken my pace, once I leave the lobby. I'm standing in the rain, and looking at were my car is. I blink away the drops of water that have fallen from the sky, and turn away from the car.  
  
"I need to go faster then that..." Picking up an Ofuda from my pocket, I chant a spell, one that calls out to the spirits of wind. Unseen, they gather and swirl around me, gently picking my body off the ground, and granting me flight into the stormy night's air.  
  
"Please," Quietly I chant to whatever god can hear me, to whatever god will take my words as though they were a spell, and infuse them with power as such, "Please, let me be wrong. Let him be okay"  
  


* * *

  
Deep green eyes blinked twice, staving off the remnants of the odd dream and returning to the real world. He knew that place form whence he came; he had been there many times before. This, however, was the first time he had ever seen anyone else inside the shaded abyss. Of all people he could have seen, too, it had to be that man. Something inside Hisoka laughed at his own remark. He knew why too. He was glade to see him there, he was glad for the calm and giving emotions he had felt from him, as though he was really there with him. As though he had really placed his hand on the boys head, and tried to dispel all the pain that he was in. It brought a very soft smile to the boy's lips, though; the smile quickly became a hissing scowl, as the last of his consciousness returned to his body. He felt the pain again, with the wounds now covering the whole of his body. Red blood seeped from still fresh wounds, crimson was now puddled below him. It was always an amazement how much blood could come from one person, or at least, how much could come from him. With no strength to even move his head, Hisoka let his eyes wander the dark, damp room, searching for the one who had inflicted the pain on him, the one who had answered to 'Maria'. He found her, just to his side, as she looked to be embracing the sickly girl who had called her by that name. Hisoka understood this one, the one with the dark hair and eyes, to be 'Rina' in turn. At least, he could say, he knew the names of the ones who had killed all those other people. He had solved the case, yet he really, REALLY wished this wasn't how he had come to the knowledge.  
  
Brief fluttering of pain rolled off the girl named Rina. Her body trembling ever so slightly inside Maria's long demon arms. Hisoka looked closer, and saw that Rina had her shirt undone, and Maria was carving runes, much like the ones she had given him, over area where the sickly girl's heart rested. Maria was taking the gentlest of care, trying to inflict as little pain as possible to the smaller girl. This didn't surprise Hisoka too much. Well, he was surprised by the fact that Maria was also carving into Rina, that wasn't expected. What didn't surprise him, though, was how Maria cradled the other girl, as gently as her dark red claws would allow, how she whispered a comforting tune to the other girl, how it pained Maria to cut her. Hisoka had known from the time when he felt into both of their souls earlier; both of them carried a strong love for each other, stronger and more pure then anyone Hisoka had ever seen before. It remained there, pulsing strongly in that demon woman, whenever she directed her attention to the dark haired girl. Yet, once away from Rina, her emotions turned volatile, very much fitting to the demon façade she bore.  
  
"Maria, please don't. I don't want it...!" Weak words broke from the sickly girls lips. She was trying not to cry with all her might, yet a few tears leaked out at the corners of pressed lashes. Maria, however, kept on cutting, as though she had not heard her love's plea. Hisoka tried to move, yet the invisible force that had chained him down before had not dissipated in the least. Trying to focus his mind to allow him to attack with his mental abilities proved futile, his mind only growing weaker with the effort. This was the very reason he had held off on using his mental abilities to attack, he still wasn't strong enough to control or release them properly, so, in the end, it always only left him in a worse position then he started out in; His mind disjointed, and muddled. He could also become physically ill, or injure himself if he strained to attack too hard. With his body already this worse off, he knew there was no way he could attack like that, yet he still had to give it a try. He had to fight, to keep on fighting, for himself. In the end, it would always be him; he needed to survive, because he didn't know how to do anything else.  
  
Maria finished her work on Rina, and gently laid the weaker girl down on the ground. Her cuts on Rina weren't ones that covered the body like Hisoka's did. They were centralized over her heart, and no where else. Maria buttoned up the shirt half way on the dark eyed girl, granting her some sense of modesty by covering most of her naked chest. Maria returned her attention to Hisoka, who caught a glimpse of hazel, before it was over run in a tempest of black.  
  
"Why are you doing this?" Hisoka mustered up all his strength, as the demon approached his prone form. He soon regretted even speaking, as the small action, a hand pressed firmly to his chest, sent jolts of pain all the way down his body. The demon stared in slight annoyance at the boy, many of its thoughts ran briefly through the surface of its mind, and Hisoka caught most of them, all of which involved ideas that were in no way beneficial to the blond boy.  
  
"I was a grand demon once," Hisoka was caught off guard slightly, with the thoughts he received, he never expected an answer. The demon's mind was full of menacing thoughts that didn't lighten even in the slightest though, remaining much as they were. "I was given a great name, and I had a place under a strong elder. However, one day, I was killed. My spirit is very resilient though," The demon came in close, her face an inch from the empath's own, gently caressing his features with a clawed hand. Hisoka quickly tried to wall up his psyche, tried to block the horrid emotions, and awful visions from his invading his mind. However, exhausted both physically and mentally, he could not keep the images of the past that were running through the creature's own mind, from taking over him, running thought him. Hisoka's eye's dilated, and he verged on blacking out again, only the pull of the demon's physical touch kept him in this world, anchoring only halfway in reality, while mentally, images of a past not his own pressed hard into his mind. The demon's words melding with the images, becoming a sort of narration for the story unfolding to him.  
  


* * *

  
"It's a great book!" A young woman's voice echoed around Hisoka, "It's about God's of death who take people to the other world."  
  
"You're lending me your manga?" another feminine voice answered the first, "I usually don't read these kind of things, but if you're going to be so pushy about it, I'll give it a try."  
  
A raining day, a side street, and a woman with hazel eyes waving goodbye to a girl with raven hair and near black eyes, eyes which looked on at her friend with worry and care. Hisoka felt like he was watching a black and white movie from long ago. Looking at the parting friends, he could tell that they were the same age, and the young hazel eyed girl greatly resembled the demon who held him down, yet, the dark haired girl was hard for him to see at first, focusing and squinting his eyes, though it were blurred, he willed the picture to become clear for him. It wavered slightly, as it adjusted, finally becoming clear, and reveling the other girl to be a healthy Rina. Hisoka's eyes became wide in shock. While it was obvious Maria was younger now than she was in the present, the other girl, besides being healthy looking, appeared exactly the same, as though her body hadn't aged a day!  
  
Rina stood in the rain, holding the umbrella and the book her friend had given to her, watching the other woman sprint off into the down pour that covered their world. Hisoka noticed how he could feel no emotions from the girl, nothing as she had her hand clench tightly around the umbrella; eyes focused dead center on Maria who was fading into the misting blue down pour. Finally, she turned, and started to walk in the opposite direction. Hisoka's vision could not follow her though, as he was pulled forcefully to follow the retreating form of the young Maria, who had her school briefcase over her head, trying to prevent her eyes from being clouded from the rain.  
  
Maria rounded a corner and went down an alley. She was desperate to escape the chilling rain, and through this ally there was a short cut that she had taken often to get home. Jumping the puddles that marred the way, and dogging the trash cans that lined the ally, her mind was filled with reflections on her joy, her happiness, and more than anything her fully blossomed feelings love. She was happy at present, so many possibilities stood before her, her life was going more perfectly then she had ever dreamed it could. She had swore once a long time ago that she was not born to live a life cursed with pain, and right after that vow, she met Rina. Rina made all this happen, had turned her world around from hell, to heaven. A soft smile graced her warm features.  
  
'It's good to feel this alive!' The school bag was held out far to her sides, as her long arms stretched, and she twirled in the rain. Letting it fall to her face, letting herself feel the drops as each one touched her skin, making her fell more alive with the tapping, cool sensation it sent through her body. Taking a light, graceful jump, Maria exited her passageway.  
  
Maria's shoe softly tapped down onto the hard stone of the ground on the other side of the alley, and at the same moment, she was illuminated in a bright light.  
  
Hisoka saw everything, as though the world was placed in slow motion. The sound of the rain slowed, the tapping as it hit the ground grew longer in between its loud murmurs. Maria's long, brown hair, lingered slightly as it felling down around her shoulders. Her face, still a visage of joy, slowly turned toward the direction of the light, becoming that of curiosity, and finally horror, as she saw the car to her left, as she saw it grow closer. It bore down fast, as it was nearly already on top of her. Hisoka tried to move to help, to reach out to the girl, the girl whose life flashed and reflected in her deep hazel eyes. Hisoka, though, was unable to move rooted in his spot, just inside the mouth of the alley. Suddenly, there was dark shadow that passed in the corner of Hisoka's eye, one that passed through his body as if he was a shade that haunted this dim, rain soaked world. It ran through him, and hurled straight into Maria, who was harshly knocked out of the way of the oncoming car. Maria's body crashed hardly down to the cement, rolling a few times, her arms and legs taking a brutal assault from the hard concrete before a light pole made contact with her back on the opposite side of the road, stopping her frame's swift momentum, knocking the breath from her lungs.  
  
Hisoka suddenly found himself behind the scraped, and bloodied girl, his eyes following where her shifting vision lead; to the scene before them. Blood mixing with rain, a maroon tint in it as it streamed down the street, it source was a few feet away from the car, the body, thrown from where it had absorbed the impact of speeding metal. Hisoka's hand flew to his chest, unbidden horror shot deeply into the root of his being. The heart felt agony was not his own, yet it was so strong, it crashed into his core, filling him to the brim. Tears streamed from his eyes, tears that belonged to Maria, as she gapped, coughing, and wide eyed at the scene before her.  
  
"No... No... No," Maria kept chanting over and over again, her voice a chilled whisper. Picking up her scrapped body, the girl stumbled to the one who had saved her, the one who lay steeped in her own blood, and the one whose dark eyes stared widely up at the clouded heavens.  
  
"Rina...?" Maria gingerly reached down to the girl who lay there on the street, fingers brushing lightly over a face that had paled far in comparison to the deep red that flowed freely from parted lips. Maria gently brushed her fingers at those lips, lips which she knew to be warm, to bestow more warmth when touch, had already become as ice. Hazel eyes searched dark clouded ones, looking desperately for a sign, an indication that the one loved was still here, still with her.  
  
"RINA~~~~~~~!!!" Maria flung her arms around the stilled form before her, as she saw no signal from her love. She somehow gathered the crumpled body into an embrace, one that was more fervent, more needy, then Hisoka had ever seen. He felt the girl's pain turned cries inside his mind as the emotions she had pushed into him. He could see everything in Maria's heart as if it were as wide open to him as his own. Rina was her one, her everything in this whole messed up world. She was the one who saved her from hell, brought her to heaven. She loved her, with more feeling then a heart can ever posses. She had experienced the epitome of rapture when those feelings where returned to her in kind. She NEEDED her! Every part of her being, even her very soul cried out to attest to this simple truth. Rocking back and forth, Maria sobbed and wailed as she held the most precious person in the entire world in her arms.  
  
"My love," Rina sobbed into the mated black hair that now was stained with dark shaded crimson. "I had sworn to never leave you, so you can't do this. I swore my whole being to you, so, so you can't leave me. Please my love, my one and only, please, I swore to be with you always. You can't leave me. RINA PLEASE STAY WITH ME!!!" Desperate pleas were answered with a mouth which remained silent, the only sound being the dripping of blood, with eyes, that had no focus on any point in this world. "Rina, aren't you even going to say...something, anything? Not even a...goodbye?" With the silence, Maria turned shocked wide eyes onto the one she held, "No. Rina," The reality of the situation grew with the heaviness that encompassed the girl's heart.  
  
"Please, it's all meaningless without you here." Maria's sobs had stopped, yet Hisoka could feel as though the girl's very soul had broken in that clam sentence. He couldn't tell if she still cried as she continued, though, for she was dripping from head to toe with the storm's down pour, one that went unseen in her eyes.  
  
"Rina... I can't live in this world without you. I'll give up anything, everything, my body, my soul, if only you would come back to me."//  
  
"Finally, I heard a human offering up their very being in a bargain."  
  
// "It's all YOU'RE FAULT!!" A frantic, woman with dark hair and green eyes howled as she crossed the street toward the two girls. She wore a blue and green Chinese style dress, her heals falling heavy in determined strides as she approached the two bodies that lay strewn in the blood soaked street. Her eyes seemed crazy, full of anger. Hisoka noted the direction she approached from and found that it came from the car which had crashed into the side of one of the buildings that gadded the alley. This woman was the one who had been driving the car, yet her words were screamed, menacingly down at Maria, fear twisting firmly into her face. Maria looked shocked at the older woman, before recognition finally hit her.  
  
"...Aunt??"  
  
"IT'S YOU'RE FAULT!" Maria's Aunt continued, unbidden by the question, confused face before her, "I too came to Nagasaki when I was young, and I worked so hard." The woman was quickly becoming more and more hysterical with each word, her voice raising and her right hand flailing through the air. Her left hand never left its place at her side, but Maria didn't take note of this small fact, she couldn't take in anything in her current state.  
  
"I worked to become a singer all my life, it was my dream, it's what I lived for. It's why I left my family and everyone I ever knew to come to Japan. Even yet," The older woman's eyes filled with amusement and scorn as she looked down at her young nieces, "Nothing ever came of my dream, nothing ever came of it. But you," all amusement was lost from her now, as eyes flashed with long hidden anger and hatred, "You come here, and everything is given to you so easily! It's not fair! It was my dream!!" With her last words she raised the black gun up from the hand she had let lay hang at her side before. Its aim came to fix at confused, pain stricken hazel eyes.  
  
"Maria, I was only trying to kill you, not her," Her crazed tone turning accusingly at the young girl, "It's you're fault she's dead, not mine. Everything, everything that's gone wrong, EVERYTHING IS YOUR FAULT!!!!" A single shot rang clearly in the tears that fell freely from the heavens.//  
  
"So, I grasped onto the opportunity, as soon as it presented its self."  
  
// Hisoka's eye's pressed closed of their own volition, trying to keep the gruesome scene from scaring his memories. A sickening thud as a body fell heavily to the ground. Hisoka's eyes snapped open, beckoned by a dark evil laugh filled the air around him. Turning his face back up to the world before him, he saw Maria: alive and still wide eyed, holding a bloodied Rina, as she looked up at a dark shadowed shade that took a misty, incorporeal form before her. It laughed menacingly as its hand passed though the fallen Aunt, reaching into the woman's chest. The Shade was garbed in black tattered cloths, a hood coving its head, one which had no eyes, or even a face that shone through, to speak of.  
  
"Do you really mean what you said?" A deep voice hissed out from underneath the black hood. Maria could only stare on dumbly at the sight before her, unable to answer or think straight in the face of so much evil.  
  
"Tell me that you mean it," Again the dark being almost purred out it's request, "Tell me that again, let me hear the words from your lips, that you would 'give up anything, everything, my body my soul,' in exchange for life to be granted to the one you hold in your arms." His free hand gesturing over to the lifeless form of Rina, "This, I can not help you with, unless you say such words in accord to me."  
  
Maria gasped, breaking free of her mind's stupor, as she realized that the ghostly figure before her was real, and even more so, that he also meant what he said.  
  
Maria didn't even blink, she couldn't find the ability to do so anymore it seemed. Her eyes stayed trained on the black creature, which had saved her life, and in doing so, had killed her Aunt. Hazel eyes traveled again down to the lifeless form of her aunt, she had not even seen how he had killed her, as she herself had been bracing to die. Maria fully took in the gruesome scene that lay before her, as she slowly lifted her head up to the faceless phantom.  
  
"You're... a demon?"  
  
"Don't start to speak of such human notions of demons or angels!!" The black figure roared out, his tattered robes billowing like living snakes at his fury. "Don't speak of God, or Satan, right or wrong, not now. Right now –I- am the only one who is here. I am the ONLY one who was willing to answer your call. No one else cares for your misery, no one else cares if the Seer lives or dies." The Demon's free hand shot up to point its long dark clawed finger at the quaking girl. "Right now, child, your friend is DEAD, this is it, and there is nothing anyone of this world can do!" Maria's eyes flooded with tears, her arms pulling Rina's lifeless body into a tighter embrace, the act was desperate, as if by holding onto her body tightly enough, she could keep her soul from drifting off. It was impossible, as Rina's soul was nowhere to be seen in her eyes, eyes that had once seen so much more then the world around them allowed most people to see. Her eyes had once gleamed, as if she held in the mysteries of the universe in that calm gaze. Maria wanted that look to return, to dissipate the blank, empty one they now held.  
  
"There is no one who cares if such a girl as her lives or dies," Maria turned her gaze away from the blank eyes that had held her own. The demon's anger subsided slightly, pulling its incorporeal, clenched hand from the chest of the lifeless aunt. The shade of a demon it held it clasped closed before Maria.  
  
"I can take this, you're aunts still beating, yet soulless, heart, and with it, cast a spell that will grant your friend life once more, pulling the Seer back from the land of the dead." Dark mist rippled off of his hand, in time with the beat of the heart he held there. Hisoka could hear it's beating, pounding heavily against his head. Placing his hands up to his ears he tried to block out the sound, yet the rhythm only increased with the attempt.  
  
"The choice is yours."  
  
Maria's large, wide eyes fixated on the offered fist, the deal set before her. Hisoka still stood from the sidelines, looking on as it all happened before him, watching in forced silence, as Maria accepted the offer, as black energy rippled around the shade, around the heart he held inside his hand. Engrossed in wonder and horror as the energy took the essence of the heart, twisting it, and then finally shooting its power into Rina's stilled chest. Upon impact with the energies, Rina shook, and convulsed in harsh seizures. Rina's mouth dropped opened and out of it issued screams that pierced throughout the echoing reality, slicing deep into the core of this world of memories. Rina's body mended unnaturally fast, broken arms and legs righting themselves, her eyes returning a faint shimmer of life, yet the entire time, the blood chilling scream continued. It was the scream one gives when they see their worst nightmare materialized before them, one of pain, beyond the knowledge of the living.  
  
"Rina?!?" Maria tried to hold down the violently shaking girl whose face was twisted in terror. "RINA!!" Maria pressed all of her weight onto the other girl. Finally, after sometime, her tremors lessened, and her screams stopped, only to be replaced with a light sobbing. Maria turned her eyes up to take in the sight of her friend, returned to her from the dead. Shaken at what she beheld, Maria's heart clenched as Rina was clutching her body, sobbing softly. Her eyes missing the light that they once bore so easily, now were clouded in pain, her skin, paled, almost see through, as though death had touched it. Maria ran her fingers, over her love's face and recoiled slightly as she felt the slight chill pushed into her touch.  
  
"Rina?? W-What... WHAT DID YOU DO?!?!" Maria turned, enraged at abyssal creature before her, lunging for the shade, and passing through it, falling hard to the concert on the other side of its incorporeal form. "What have you done to Rina?!?" Maria sobbed, fury building deep within her small form, causing it to shake slightly. The demon laughed callously, as though hearing a good joke.  
  
"Human child, I have done as promised, I have returned your friend to you," If there was a face hidden in all that darkness, Hisoka knew it must have been smiling. Proud in it's deception of a girl who was as he had said; a child. Hisoka's fists clenched at his sides, not for anger of compassion for the girls, but out of anger at the twisted game the demon played, at the way his voice smiled as he spoke so easily, while the another person's world crumpled at his hands. It was getting to him, the emotions of Maria, the human Maria, the CHILD Maria. Her innocent soul was being crushed, torn and it all was far too familiar a scene for him to bear to see it happening again, as though fate enjoyed the painful game of repetition that it loved to play on the people of this world.  
  
"Your friend is alive, her soul is returned to her body, yet, even I am just a demon after all. I can not cast a holy resurrection spell that would return her wholly to this world. However, I cast the strongest resurrection spell in all necromancy, allowing life where death once ruled, pulling the soul into its former shell, yet, it can not pull all of the soul in. With its limited power in such areas, the body will remain close to as it was when death claimed it; the pain of death, will always haunt her." Maria remained as she had landed, on her knees with her hands clenched tightly into fists on the cold hard ground. Nails pressing into flesh, pooling blood that slowly seeped from her self inflicted wounds, Her body trembled, racked with burning hot tears. "It does have a benefit though," The shade moved toward the shaking girl, his robes shifting weightlessly around his form, "Something the holy resurrection spell lacks, for you see," the demon leaned in close to Maria, whimpering into her ear, "Those who are to receive THIS resurrection, will not die so easily as humans do, nor will their bodies age a single day. Your Seer will live on, forever, with you."  
  
A black hand pressed down onto Maria's back, and her mouth fell in a scream of pain as black energies pushed into her body from the contact.  
  
"The contract has been fulfilled," A sneering voice laughed at Maria, who collapsed forward onto the wet ground. The demon's body became as dark mist, as the turbulent purple energies wrapped around the girls body, the black mist entering her body through her eyes and mouth. Maria's beautiful hazel eyes clouded over with tempest black, and her face, which was a second ago, a mask of pain, now twisted into a sickening smile. Once the shade had completely entered her body, and the thrashing hued forces died away, Maria pushed her self up off the ground, and turned her now black clouded eyes over to the sky above. Water poured over her face, and down her neck, it seemed as though heaven its self was crying for the girl, who gave up everything, everything she had and was, to this deceitful demon.  
  
"A body, for my very own," Casting the inky eyes toward the sound of consistent sobbing, the smile faded slightly, and hazel shone ever so lightly under the shades of black.  
  
'I will find a way, a way to make her whole,' a voice echoed deeply with the body that moved under the foreigner's will.  
  
"You're able to resist?" The shade's voice announced in shock through the girl's own lips.//  
  
"It was the first time I ever cast such a spell."  
  
//"How?" Suddenly a great hacking cough broke through the demons thoughts. Turning Maria's head, he cast his eyes down onto the girl who still held a prone position on the rain drenched ground. The black eyes watched, in slight horror as blood burst from the straining mouth. "It can't be..." The demon ran over to the girl's body, turning her onto her back, and pacing Maria's hand, HIS hand, onto her chest, just above her new heart. Hisoka moved in, trying to focus on the scene before him, yet the closer he tried to get, the more unfocused and distant the world became.  
  
"No..."//  
  
"The spell I cast was flawed. The heart was not taking properly, so the spell is only just keeping her body alive. I was not aware that it required someone with the same blood. My contract," the demons words became clearer, as the shadowed world of Maria's memories faded, and the demon's hand let go of the boy, "was left partially unfilled, and as such, I have to bear sharing this body with that girl."  
  
Hisoka's eyes focused in on the ground around him, noticing a change in the blood that had pooled on the ground. Squinting his eyes, he strained to see just what was different. Eyes became wide with terror as he took in the scene before him: He was lying in the magic circle drawn from his own blood, just like the ones he had seen in the crime photos. Casting his shaken eyes around the room, his focus on this world going in and out between shadows. Maria, no, the demon that possessed her body had pulled back away from him, seeming to admire his handy work. Letting his head fall to its side, Hisoka saw the prone and pale form of Rina, only the slight shaking of her body showing any sign that she was alive.  
  
"You're wrong...."  
  
"What?" Black swirling tempests narrowed on the bleeding boy who lay before the fiend. He was trying to fight off the binding spell that held him down again, and again, he failed.  
  
"You're wrong, my heart..." Hisoka turned only his eyes to glare at the demon, as he had no strength left to even turn his head. His body felt like it was covered in ice, and gravity was trying to push him through the earth it's self. Even the words he had meant to say, somehow become a hazy inpalatripale thought, dieing in the back of his throat. A dark curtain was falling over his thoughts and mind. The demon saw the light flickering in the boy's emerald eyes, a slow smile creeping to its face.  
  
"No..." a firm command followed by a sudden movement, and a blood soaked hand covered the boys face. "I can't let you fall away into the dark sleep just yet... I need your heart; I need your soulless heart." The contact of the possessed girl's flesh against his skin knocked Hisoka out of his muddled thoughts. It felt like the demon was melting into him, spreading thought his body. Every muscle tensed, every hair standing on end. He felt as though the essence of the demon was encompassing his eyes, his mind, his heart.  
  
The demon's energies wrapped around and in the boy, constantly moving, searching for something that was hidden in him. Finally they stopped and concentrated, finding what it was looking for, deep within his heart. The energies caressed it gently, as though trying to awaken it, old memory, or feeling, that was hidden deep within him. Slowly the emotion rose to the fore front of his mind, it was just like what he felt when he was in the alley the first time, when the dead woman's emotions had taken over him.  
  
It was that same fear!  
  
........................... To Be Continued  
  


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Author's lil' note section  
  
This is actually the second loading of the chapter, noticed a few stupid mistakes when I re-read it again, sry!  
  
Ahhh, okay so this is the chapter when I will end the Maria/Rina case, I had had the initial ending for the case planned out, but two things happened. First, the chapter started to become FAR longer then I had intended. Second, the ending has been, uuh... well I thinking about changing how I planned the case ending, it's going to be one of two, but.... Ahhh well I'll decide shortly, can't give any hints now can I? ;P  
  
Noticing how sad this story is going, kinda depressing.  
  
For this chapter I get to tie in a lot of the lose ends AND start setting up some more things that wrap into the main plot.... Damn plot's starting to get fun.  
  
Well that's it for part A, part B is already started. I'll try and update with the new chapter as soon as I can.... Later tonight...? Well here's hoping   
  


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So, just what do you think so far? Good, bad, ugly? I really appreciate the time you all have taken to read and follow this story, thank you so much   
  


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Arigato Gozaimasu!! 


	7. Farewell to You, My One, My Love part B

Cutting out most warnings and disclaimers as this is a continuation, and same warnings and disclaimers apply.  
  
HOWEVER, there is very, VERY much in the way of violent, bloody, and containing some hintings to adult situations. This part of the chapter falls almost on a R rating, however since I won't draw too much detail into it, I think most of these things will be okay as PG-13, but if you would feel offend at such content... Well, just don't read it.  
  
I've promised a sum up at the end of this chapter, and yes I will deliver.... On that note, PLEASE don't skip down to the author's notes unless you want to spoil the ending of this case!  
  
Again, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!  
  
Rina and Maria's story draws to an end. Will it be a happy ending, a sad ending? Or maybe even...  
  
((((~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*(( ))* ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~))))  
  
The Eternal Whisper in the Shadow of Surging Tears  
  
(Part B)  
  
Farewell to You, My One, My Love  
  
"No..." the whispered fear comes unbidden from my lips. The smell attacks my nose shortly after I come upon the scene. Pressing my hand to my mouth I choke down the bile that has risen in my throat. The smell, the smell is far too familiar. Just as much so is the sight of the decapitated bodies of the nurses that are lying strewn across the floor. I feeling the wall pressing against my back, but I can't remember back stepping from the massacre before me, or when I first started to shake so badly. The room, the heavy air that hung within; red that splattered the walls, and the smell. Familiar, it's all far too familiar. Backing out of the room, I shove my body against the wall outside the door, using the surface for support. I keep the hand pressed to my mouth, taking in determined, deep breaths. Steadying my body, I turn back to the room, looking at all the scattered bodies that have littered the floor before me. Carefully I enter the room, making sure not to step on any of the corpses. As I proceed, taking in note to make sure Hisoka is not one of them, and being slightly relieved when I don't see him. I start to move toward his bed, but stop as I step over a name tag that had been ripped from one of the uniforms.  
  
"I'm sorry, Michiko-san." It's all I can muster up for the girl I had argued with not but a few hours before. Remembering the cause of the argument, I continue further into the room.  
  
My eyes fall over to the vacant bed that should have held Hisoka's body. There's some blood on the wall and on the sheets, but the boy is no where to be found. I cast my eyes away; I can't stand to keep looking at that empty bed; an empty bed stained with blood. My vision changes from one bed to another as I am now looking at the other hospital bed that's positioned next to the window. A flash of memory; a warm smile, a dark eyed girl... That's right! Rushing over to the bed I turn over the covers that are laying in a mass there. Yes, this bed too was vacant, cords that were once running through her body, were cut lying uselessly from the machines around the bed. There's no blood on the bed though, and I had not seen her small body mingled among the other corpses that had lined the floor.  
  
"What... What am I going to do?" Really, I don't know! My thoughts keep wandering back to that dark void, to that crying, pained face. I had seen him when my heart had stopped, when I had, for lack of a better term, died. I don't really understand it all, but that can only mean Hisoka's de-... No, no yet. He can't be dead yet, he has too much of a stubborn spirit to just die...right??  
  
I need to find him.  
  
"Down this way!"  
  
"When did it happen?"  
  
"We don't know! It was after the heart monitor on one of the patients flat lined. All the nurses, they... They're...!"  
  
The multiple clicking of hard soled shoes drew closer to the blood steeped room. One of the men was issuing orders to lock down the hospital. 'The police...' Quickly I shift over to the side of Rina's vacant bed, and open the one window that adorned the room. Using my arms for leverage I throw myself out the window. Chanting faster then my mind can think to cast the spell that allows me flight back into the storming night's air.  
  
The rain beats down harshly on me, but I use the spell just as skillfully as I have a million times before, soaring quietly up the wall of the hospital to the roof. Letting the spells energies slowly leave me, my shoes gently touch down onto white top of the roof. The rain continues to tap around me and over my body. However, I can't feel the rain around me. There is something else that has me in its grip, as my body has become ridged, each muscle, each cell, awakening under a foreign, familiar, power.  
  
'There's a demon near here,' it's not a matter that I question, I know it. I know for a fact that this familiar feeling. This evil power emanating so close near by was that of the energy of the hell spawn. Closing my eyes, I let my body focus on the power the demon is sending out, letting it pulse within me, slowly connecting with it. I feel it pulsing inside me now, as it keeps growing, stronger and stronger.  
  
I didn't expect for the second pulse, the soft, weak one, to beat in turn with it. Gasping for breath I force myself out of synch with that dark energy.  
  
"Tha- That's too much...!!" Gasping with my hands on my knees, I struggle to steady my now weak body. Calming my breaths with all my will, I finally to regain my composure and righten myself again.  
  
"I almost...," More images of a past I never wanted flood quickly to the front of my mind, so fast, I could see everything and nothing all at once. Breath becomes labored again as I fight off the memories that seem so desperate to free themselves from the recesses of my mind. 'I can't do it; if I concentrate on that demon's power, then...then I might...'  
  
Thought's of before, of the void, of green tear filled eyes, and white strained knuckles return to me. The idea that he could be in so much pain... I don't know why that idea makes me do what I do.  
  
I don't know why this boy I've barely met, makes me risk remembering my past, as I again synch with the demon's energy. There is only this feeling, this feeling that I know that it's not an option for me to let him suffer. Just as I was willing to reach out to him in that abyss before, not caring if I destroyed the one thing that made me not feel alone, I reach out to the evil that flows in the air, and for some reason, again, all of my fears and all of my pain leave my mind. There is nothing more important in right now, in this world filled with fake smiles, false promises, and the cruelty of reality, then to make sure that he is alright. A need to make sure that this dread I've been carrying with me is nothing but an over active imagination, my own illusion, one that has no premise on reality.  
  
Letting myself slip easily into the flow of the power that is pulsing in the air, I relax, and feel it fill my body, guiding me to its source, to the cause of everything. I can feel myself being pulled to the west end of the hospital, to the wing that's under renovation. Somewhere, in the back of my mind, I have one reoccurring thought that pushes just as a light, yet firm, whisper into my concentration.  
  
'This will be the end of it.'  
  
((((~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*(( ))* ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~))))  
  
// A window hung suspended in the air, no wall surrounding it. The sky was the type of blue that only existed in perfect paintings. Dark eyes watched as the ideal, small, white puffs of clouds lazily rolled over head in that bright, faultless blue ceiling. The warmth of the sun shown from all angles, yet that bright yellow orb was the only thing missing from that beautiful sky. The sounds of animals, birds, quietly sung out tunes, ones that only their hearts could echo into natural's lullaby.  
  
"Hey, Ri~na!"  
  
The dark eyed girl turned to look at the source of the call. Rina noticed she herself was sitting in her white hospital robes, on her hospital bed, in a wall-less room that had a small set of stares that lead down to a huge flowering garden. So many different flowers grew so brightly in that sunless warmth. As far as her eyes could see, the garden expanded all around. Shifting as best she could she moved on her bed, and pressed her self against that window, wanting to be in that garden before her; to touch those petals, and lay in the bright colors they held. Her eyes finally caught sight of a small white gloved hand that waved to her, in the midst of the rainbow that swayed lightly in the gentle wind. Maria sat there, a happy smile on her lips, a white, long brimmed hat upon her head. She wore a dress Rina recognized as one she wore when working in her garden. Her own hand pressed to the glass as a small smile crept to her lips.  
  
The wind picked slightly, and Maria returned to what she had been doing; trying to cut a small, bright yellow tulip with her gardening shears. The wind kept moving the petite stem, swaying it in and out of the girl's reach. Maria tried again and again to grab that elusive flower, yet another deep purple tulip's stem kept getting in her way. Finally, Maria reached out and held the yellow flower's stem firmly in her grasp, descending in quickly with the sheers, she cut the flower. The yellow tulip fell to the ground, shortly followed by the purple one that had slipped in at that last moment, and it too had been cut with the same stroke. Leaving the purple tulip where it had fallen, Maria picked up the yellow flower she had sought, and hurriedly ran up the steps that lead to Rina's bed.  
  
"Rina! This is it. The one and only flower that can heal you, and I found it!"  
  
"Maria?" Rina couldn't keep the slight confusion from her voice. Just now, what she had seen, what was that? It was sad, but it wasn't a horrid thing, to cut down a flower. Yet, somehow, she couldn't help but feel a great pain in her heart as she held that small yellow flower in her hand. It was as though she knew, it was wrong; they had done a horrible thing, killing this young flower. Maria didn't seem to see, or care about Rina's hurt expression. Quickly taking Rina by her hand, Maria pulled the younger girl off her bed and to her feet. Rina stood there for a few seconds, confused at the blissful air her friend held, that is, until she realized she was standing. Her body, freed of pain, her legs working, and the person she loved guiding her down the steps, leaving behind her that white bed, and that sole window, full in it's reflection of colors.  
  
Standing in the middle of the garden, Rina watched in fascination as she felt the flowers brush against her legs. Maria twirled in that rainbow of soft fragrant color, arms spread wide, as though she could capture the whole world with this act.  
  
"You see?" Maria laughed in her musical voice as she danced, "I searched through all these flowers, because I knew that there was one that would make you well. I found it!" Bright, gleaming eyes tuned to the girl who stood dazed in the mix of life around her. She stared out at the world, picturesque as it was; as beautiful as heaven must be.  
  
Dark eyes shadowed slightly as they caught sight of the fallen purple tulip, the one that had fallen with the small one she held. The flower's once bright colors faded way, and the flower started to curl, browning on its tips. A strange panic filled Rina, as her eyes shifted to find the small yellow tulip she held was also giving up what bright light it held, and it too gave in to a brown death.  
  
"Maria?" The flower fell from the girl's hands, disintegrating before it even hit the ground. Maria stared on at Rina, through eyes that now no longer reflected the garden around them.  
  
"It had to be this way,"  
  
Rina turned her face up to the woman before her. Maria stood, her head tilting ever slightly, and a sad look pulling on her face. The wind picked up again, and the white hat that was keeping long auburn hair under its brim flew away with the breeze.  
  
"I know this was the price I agreed to pay, I just wish," Maria moved lightly forward, lifting her white glove to reach for the pale girl's disorientated face, a petal falling from that out stretched hand. "I wanted to be with you a little longer was all..." her words croaked out, with a quiver and tears that threatened to break her voice. Fear quick rose inside Rina, as more and more petals formed and fell away from Maria's body.  
  
"Maria?!!" Rushing toward Maria on her new working legs, Rina reached out with both her arms, throwing her self toward the sadly smiling visage as the body before her quickly melted, blowing away in streams of pink sakura in front of Rina's own terrified eyes. Arms quickly wrapped around Maria, but just as she gripped around her love, Maria fell way into a cloud of soft fragrant petals.  
  
"MARIA!!!~~~"//  
  
"No...!" a harsh voice quietly whispered. The sickly, and now bleeding, girl didn't even realize it was her own hoarse whispered plea that pulled on the edge of her hearing. Her weak body, slowly coming out of the sleeping spell that had been cast on it.  
  
'Yes,' Rina mussed to herself, as her eyes refocused out of the disturbing vision of her dream, to the horrid reality of the present. 'I can see, and I understand this. It was another one of my premonitions, wasn't it? Even still it happens; bits and pieces, in dreams, or when I'm wide awake, scattered as though someone has dumped a huge puzzle before my eyes. Small things, irrelevant things, even the life altering things. It's a constantly changing puzzle, the future, one that bends and shapes anew when someone goes against the prescript plot...Even for me,' Rina remembered it clearly, the day she had went against the foreordained, when she had saved Maria, even thought Maria was suppose to die.  
  
The pain of losing Maria would be too much to bear, and yet now... Was she any better off now? The devastation caused by a new script being thrown in to fill the one that had been destroyed; Maria, who was supposed to die under that car, living on. If that had happened like it was suppose to, if she had just kept on walking, leaving fate unchanged, then Maria would have died that night and Rina herself was to follow shortly after. Rina was supposed to commit suicide out of grief a year after Maria's death. This was the plot as she had seen it. This was the way it was suppose to be.  
  
Rina was going to die no matter what.  
  
Now, however, both she and her love lived on, or not quite so, if these sad lives they lead could be called that. Maria, possessed by a monstrous demon who killed others, and Rina, a hospital bed ridden girl who only could sit in pain day and night. Fate had a way it seemed, of punishing those who went against its set plans.  
  
Rina's eyes fell on the sight of the young blond haired boy, and the demon, which had his hand pressed firmly to the young boy's face. Dark red and purple shadows flowed from the monster to it's pray, causing the boy to twist and jerk in the most painful ways possible.  
  
The power the demon was trying to attack Hisoka with, was one that dug deeply into its victim, pulling up the person's greatest fear, one that they would rather die then go against. It causes people to die of fright, or at least, it allows their souls to pass on, ripped and broken from their bodies. Someone under its influence would rather die then go on facing with the horrid demons of their own mind's creation. It was what the beast had used on all those other people, before finally taking their hearts. It had failed each time, however. Their blood had been the same type as Rina's, but it takes more then just that to make the spell work correctly. It was almost as if they needed to share the same essence for the casting of the spell to work properly.  
  
'Even still...' Dark eyes stared hard at that now demonic face, 'I will still try, for a better ending then what is scripted. I still have something I can do.' Her gaze faltered, becoming unfocused, settling on something not in the past, but an event that lied on the horizon, one that was quickly approaching.  
  
//"I thank you...Rina, can I ask a favor of you?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"I have some... 'Things' I need to take care of. If I'm not back, when he wakes up..."//  
  
'And I still, I still have a promise left to keep!'  
  
((((~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*(( ))* ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~))))  
  
Pressing my Arms firmly around my head, I hear the splintering of glass as it gives way to the force of my body. The chiming shards flow with me through the air, and I can feel them fall around me as I land hard on the floor of the dark room. Very little light filters into the shadows that fill the room from the shattered window of my entrance. It's dark, true, but that has never been something that I have ever been concerned with. My vision is that of one which improves under such conditions, and right now, I can see everything.  
  
A writhing small body, gut wrenching screams that make my heart skip a beat and send chilling waves down my spine. Long, bony arms, pinning their pray, and a wide ruthless smile that showed long gleaming fangs where those red lips parted. The room wreaked a stench of fear and blood.  
  
I know this scene.  
  
I don't remember rushing on the creature that had my partner pinned to the ground. I don't know when I gathered those dark, purple energies around me, or when I used my fist to drive them into the demon that had quickly became all I could see. Anger was all I knew, blinding and white, burning any thoughts from by mind. My body moved without me telling it to, ducking the clawed hand that sliced past my face.  
  
\'Kill, kill him.'/  
  
Another clawed hand shot out for my stomach, but it cut through empty air as I ducked and rolled under its reach, twisting, then using my momentum to land another strong plow into the side of the fiend. The creature twisted and flew to the side, falling hard to the ground.  
  
\'Kill him.'/  
  
\'Kill him!'/  
  
I could hear the loud echoing of my soles and they approached the fallen demon. Long, brown hair flipping out of its face, as it struggled to its hands and knees, blood bursting from its mouth at the exertion of inner tissues and vessels that had burst under the trauma I had caused. My hand shoots forward, as it buries it's self in the deeply into brunette hair of the abyssal creature. Using a quick jerk, I yank its head around, forcing its face toward me. Black storming eyes smile at me, red, crimson lips part, letting way for the humming sound that bubbles up from that long throat.  
  
"Hahaha!" The struggling form before me laughs, smiling at me with arrogance burning deeply into every feature.  
  
"What's so funny?" The tone of my voice is foreign to my ears, not mine at all. I don't know who is speaking these words, or who is controlling me, making me raise my other hand as more dark, violet energies gather around my fist, coming to me, as though to answer a call, one that I can't remember giving. They are surging in me, wrapping around every fiber in my body, feeding and growing on the hate that is welling like a spring inside my body.  
  
"I laugh," The demon's true voice hums behind a female one, "because, you can't even see, can you? You dumb, bastard of a hell hound." My fist drives toward that smirking face, letting all my strength release into the blow.  
  
A sudden shift in his position and the demon drops just below my fist. All my strength is still driving me forward, and I can't stop, even as I see the long outstretched talons that are being thrust toward me; I didn't even feel the blow at first.  
  
"You can't see," the duel layered voice is humming softly into my ear. The gentle voice is a great opposite to the strong, violent claws that have buried them selves into my stomach. Pain splinters and drives through me, cutting deeply through my muscles as the demon thrusts the blades even farther into my gut. I can feel a hot, sticky liquid flowing out of my body from the wounds. The hot fluid runs in red rivers down my stomach and legs, pooling quickly on the ground before me. I can't stop the shutter that enwraps my being as the claws are removed. Pressing all my strength and my will into my legs proves to fail and I fall, dropping face first to the ground. There's a slight tingling and numbing sensation that quickly starts spreading through me from the wounds. More then just blood loss, I know this feeling, it has to be poison, a very strong one. I can already feel it as it moves through my body.  
  
"I've already won." The demon declares in a mocking tone before he moves just out of my line of sight, which, as of current, includes the floor and area before me. There's a movement I can't see, but I know what has been done, and even though I can't see it, my eyes grow wide with horror. I can feel the power that had led me to the room, which before, while strong, was scatter. Now it has shifted to join and connect; the demon has finished his spell. Quickly, I press my arm around my abdomen, desperate to lessen the flow, as I use pure will to lift my body to its feet once again. Following the energies to the point of their focus, I know what I'll find; Hisoka. Purple energies have now moved to fill in the cuts that flow as incantations carved into his small body. The power of the spell is enough to illuminate the room, and the horrid circle glowed in turn with the writing on the boy's body. He's green eyes while open, are blank, and no scream leaves his lips, not even when his body wrenched, as his chest gave way to the spell.  
  
I can only watch in horror as blood burst from his mouth, as the spell takes effect.  
  
I can only watch as I see him die before my eyes.  
  
'What was it again?'  
  
The strength I had felt before, the anger, that blinding rage, flow out of me in that same instant. My legs suddenly buckle and give way, becoming useless beneath me. My arms too, lose their strength and drop limply away from my stomach.  
  
'What was the point?'  
  
It's not real; not at all.  
  
Yes, all of it, it's all a dream or maybe even a performance, a staged play? Not real, and I am just a part of this fictional act too; not real, not alive. It must have always been this way. Oh, maybe that was the point? That's right, there's nothing in here; it's all fake anyways. Then, that means, there's no reason to stay in a pointless act right? It's alright then, if I just let it all fad away, right? There's no one here to say any differently.  
  
I'm tired of acting in this play where I am always alone. I don't want to play this part anymore. I can't think of a reason to.  
  
"Tsu...zuki-san," a soft voice lifts the air around me as a small, cold hand slides up my back, stopping in the center. My eyes shift open and to the source of the voice. I find a young, and very pale dark haired girl sitting next to me, one hand on my back and one hand pressed firmly to the ground, bearing all her upper body weight. I know her, I'm sure. That's right; she was that girl I talked with, before, her name... What was it? I can't seem to draw the strength to search my mind for that piece of information, so I let it slide away from me. I really don't care too much at this point.  
  
With the look I'm receiving, I must have scared her somehow, as dark eyes fidget on my face, and the small pale body shakes ever so slightly next to me. Her eyes blink twice and her face become firm as a secret inner strength is tapped.  
  
"Tsuzuki-san," the hand presses firmly into my back, as though the contact could grant me whatever strength she held in doing so. "It is not as you think!" Her eyes look on past me and I can only stare at her, my mind muddled. There's a loud shriek of shock that jerks my head to follow Rina's gaze as cries issue forth from the target our eyes have become fixed on. The demons long brown hair shifts from side to side, following the shaking of its head.  
  
"What is it?! WHY??!!" The demons enraged and confused voice fills the air. I stare past the trembling body of the demon, down to the focus of the demanding questions. He's there, sitting up with his arm wrapped across his chest, green livid eyes burning into the demon's own gaze defiantly. The purple energies that had enwrapped him before, where pushed away from his body, swirling pressing as they tried to get closer to him, yet laying just out of reach.  
  
"Hisoka?" He's body is still glowing, intricate ancient demon writing still covering his form. However, now it's red and not the violet hue as it was before. The writing itself has taken on a different pattern. No, more then different, this is a completely different incantation then the one that had been carved onto him before! Blood still ran from the previous spells marking, yet this new, burning red glow, did not follow them, these glowing marks that were etched just under the surface of his skin.  
  
"Now you must do as I say, Tsuzuki," The young girl besides me speaks in a way that commands attention to every detail of her voice. I try to turn to face her, only to have my body dip slightly under the attempt. If I hadn't been what I am, there's no doubt my body would have succumb to the numbing feeling the poison is spreading through my veins. The poison, instead of rendering my limbs useless, only slows their speed, making each movement an effort. Those dark eyes look on me with empathy of understanding running through their gaze. Leaning in closer, she spoke quickly in a hushed voice, yet every word she spoke rang clearly into my ear. I pulled away form whisper of those lips, my eyes widen with the new horrid understanding of what she had said. I press them shut, and shake me head rapidly.  
  
'There's no way, no way I can do that!' Just before those thoughts settle into resolution, I feel two small cold hands gently pressing onto my face. Those hands are so very gentle, and yet so very cold. I open my eyes slightly, and she is all I can see now, as she holds my face, so very gently, yet leaving me no room to pull away.  
  
"Tsuzuki, it is what I want." Dark pleading eyes are searching deep within my own, "You are one, who would understand that, and I am the one who also understands; there is no other way."  
  
"But...!" A small finger presses to my lips, cutting off the words that are ragging inside me, yelling at how wrong it is. 'This isn't right! There is another way, there's always another way!' Yet she hushes me ever so quietly, a small smile brimming to her lips. Leaning in, her face is just inches from mine as she whispers and places a gentle kiss on my cheek,  
  
"Thank you..."  
  
((((~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*(( ))* ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~))))  
  
"What is it?! WHY??!!" The demon's enraged and confused voice fills the air. The breath he drew into his body was labored, yet he couldn't stop the small chuckle that found its way out with the outraged cry of his enemy. The frustration and confusion mounted, building onto of its self with every second that past, and it rolled off in waves from the demon. Hisoka let his gaze lock with the demon's own. Shifting again slightly, despite his wounds, Hisoka moved so he was on his knees and heels, letting his legs support his upper body which bobbed ever so slightly out of sheer exhaustion.  
  
"What is this?!" The demon screamed, eyes following the red markings that pulled over the boy's body. The demon had cast the spell, and just as it was to rip the heart from the boy, these new writings sprang to life over his skin, instantly dispelling the demons own energies from the youth's body.  
  
"I tried to tell you," Hisoka's own face twisted into a mocking scowl, much like the one the demon had worn before, "you couldn't. My heart, my heart is not one that would work in your stupid spell." A long brunette brow furled, and he didn't have to be an empath to know the confusion that was written over the creature's face. Hisoka let his hand trace over one of the glowing crimson marks that burned just underneath his skin.  
  
"That spell is..." the demon's eyes narrowed then grew large with understanding, revulsion and even a small hint of fear. All of these emotions were emanating from the being that stood now rigidly in it's place as small beads of sweat formed over its brow.  
  
"Yeah, that's right," Green eyes bore down on the creature before him, "I'm already dead."  
  
"What trickery! It's a lie! That sort of spell none can cast anymore." Fear brimmed and over flowed from the demon, fear which feed into the rage that was quickly consuming the creature's entire being. The demon lifted it's razor talons, preparing to attack the boy, the one who had all the he needed to be free; to have what he had longed to have for centuries so close and yet to have it still impossibly out of reach.  
  
"Go ahead and try, but not even something like that," the blond indicated with a nodded to the offending claws, "will be able to kill me."  
  
An animal growl burst from behind clenched teeth, the female voice drowned out by the rumbling monster that she held inside. The demon descended down on Hisoka, who, for all his audacious talk, was still too weak to doge the assault. Raising his arms, he braced for the blow that was to follow, squeezing eyes shut tightly against the attacking visage. The slicing of flesh and bone, and the pain that was promised to follow, never did reach his body.  
  
A scream of agony, one that had not come from his own lips, snapped his eyes open. Emerald gaze fell upon a clawed hand that extended centimeters from his face, frozen still in the air. Staring up at his assailant, Hisoka gapped just as he saw a tear roll down from wide hazel eyes. The demonic features, that had possessed the woman, dissolve as foam on water. The cruel and sinister nature that had been so strong just a short while ago, weakened, and dissipated, leaving to where, Hisoka could not say. However, what he did know, was that the woman in front of him, the beautiful and tall woman with chestnut hair; the woman who silent cried in front of him had no trace of the demon in her anymore.  
  
"...Maria?" Hisoka questioned, hesitantly knowing now this girl as the one who was in that shadowed vision of the past. Maria did not answer him with words, yet she broke down even further into sobs. Hisoka reached out with his empathy once more for any sign of the evil that had tried to claim his, well, sort of, life. The volatile emotions he had felt before, now were no longer, the dark purple energies that the demon had born too had dissipated with his presence, a testament to his strange vanishing act. The only emotion he could feel right now, was the aching sadness coming from the woman who collapsed in front of him. She sat, her legs useless beneath her, with her hands pressing hard into the floor in front of her. Her eyes, while still streaming with tears, were focused not on Hisoka, but on the scene behind him. Turning his head he could feel the heat lick his face, and emerald eyes could see the orange and red flames that burned on the other side of the room.  
  
"A fire?" Hisoka was couldn't believed he hadn't noticed when it started, though, in all fairness, he had been a bit distracted he supposed. A shadow in the midst of the flames caught his attention, though he could not see what it was, he couldn't miss the extra warmth and peace that emitted from the blaze. It was more then just the physical warmth emitting from that blaze, a strong sense of peace welled deeply in his heart, unconsciously making him sigh as the contented feeling filled him, overriding that sorrow that was born by the crying woman so closely beside him.  
  
"...Rina," the woman began to quake violently, as the words left her lips.  
  
Hisoka knew it then, that calm, that peace; dark eyes that looked on from an inferno that surrounded them. A memory of a face, times and things that didn't belong to him. Rain, an umbrella on a muddied ground, bits of times and places, all imbued with the same feeling, the same persona having touched each and every memory.  
  
Maria still had the tears on her face, yet she wasn't crying anymore. Her deep hazel eyes looked on, as a child would, unable to understand the how or why things happen. She just stared on, her sorrow melting into confusion. 'Why, why, why?' This single thought projected from the woman onto Hisoka over and over again.  
  
A dark form stiffly lifted itself to its feet before them, it's back to the two who sat, looking on confused at what had happened. Turning to face them was Tsuzuki, his deep violet eyes cast to the side. Tsuzuki did not give off any emotion of shame though, as what Hisoka had come to expect from such an action. Instead, what Hisoka received unnerved him more then any other reaction could have, he received nothing. It was as though he was straining to see a chalkboard that was black, void of all writing. Even as Tsuzuki stepped closer to the boy, he still couldn't feel any emotion from him. Mechanically, Tsuzuki bent down on one knee in front of Maria, placing a small tattered book into the woman's hands, whispering some words to her, he tuned himself then so he was facing his partner. Eyes, just as empty of emotion, stared blankly at Hisoka. The blond couldn't help but to fidgeted slightly under that stare.  
  
What was it? What had changed so quickly about this man? Last he had seen him wasn't he skipping with joy like a fool? He was not so naive to believe that was the only emotion the man had, in fact, his power had laid that bit out for him long ago. Hurt, fear, and a deep loneliness lurked under that happy face that smiled endlessly. He had felt all these from the man, who's mood shifted and turned as a rainbow of feelings. Where had they all gone? Even the most boring person feels at least something. Why had he been erased of all that was in him?  
  
"Hisoka," Tsuzuki moved in closer to the youth, eyes never changing from that scary blank stare. "You'll have to forgive me," Hisoka skirted back as the taller man continued to advance on him.  
  
"W-What--?!" Before another word of protest could leave his mouth, the shocked empath was swept up in one quick swooping motion into strong arms that easily lifted him off the ground. Hisoka didn't hesitate to yelled and struggle, fighting back against any sort of contact. Touching people was always an open invitation for their minds to flow into his own, and sometimes he didn't even know who he was anymore. Despite how much he squirmed and pushed against the hold, Tsuzuki's arms kept him securely in place. It took several seconds for Hisoka to stop and realize that he was still in complete control of his faculties; the other man's mind and thoughts weren't swarming into his own. In truth, he could only feel a slight murmur that lay deeply hidden from him, only enough to show that Tsuzuki really was alive, not a soulless zombie like he was currently portraying. Weighting his options, aka, knocking out the man who held him, no doubt falling to the floor himself, or letting himself be carried; knocking out the man who held him was starting to look pretty good right about now. The not so distant sounds of sirens and horns stopped his fist from flying straight into the older man's face.  
  
"We're leaving," Tsuzuki announce, receiving a deep blushing scowl in reply. Two ofuda slipped out of his jacket sleeve into his hand. The paper folded in on itself, as though it was being pressed into origami. The ofuda formed two birds that flew once around the two, and then burst into a flash of blinding light. When the light cleared, Tsuzuki and Hisoka were gone.  
  
A room which was quickly being consumed in red and yellow, where a girl sat, cradling a book closely to her chest, only these remained.  
  
((((~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*(( ))* ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~))))  
  
"I still can't believe it. How did you live through that?!" Watari exclaimed as he finished re-dressing the last wound on Hisoka's body. He sat on a small infirmary bed, white bandages wrapped across him. Hisoka decided that the blond haired scientist must be good for something after all, as he had treated his wounds with a knowledge and expertise one would only expect to find in a hospital. He had also applied a salve to the wounds that removed the pain the cuts had caused, and in short time he had promised that it would heal the wounds with no residual scars. Hisoka decided to ignore the last part where he slipped in something about having tested it and not having had another raccoon incident.  
  
Better off not knowing, right?  
  
It had been three days since his first mission. The odd killings had stopped, so, in that way, their mission was a success... right? Pulling his black tee-shirt over his head, he still couldn't shake the feeling that it wasn't. They closed the case in just under twenty-four hours, yet it seemed like more luck then real work had brought about its end. He had his physical wounds still to deal with, though, with Watari's care, he was healing nicely, and he had no doubt as to his own recovery.  
  
The girl, who had been possessed by the demon, was apparently a singer who was just hitting it big. She had disappeared after that night, and the news of her vanishing, though at first was all over the news, had already starting to dwindle in the public eye.  
  
Rina, the sick young girl who's body would never age, and would never truly heal, died in the blaze. Tsuzuki had told of how he had 'canceled' the contract the demon had over Maria by killing Rina. The deal with Maria was for Rina to live, and with the death of Rina, the demon's power over the singer fell away instantly.  
  
And then there was Tsuzuki...  
  
Yes, that was the last thing that bothered Hisoka, his 'partner'. It was like looking at a two sided coin, on one side was that confident and powerful man who took on an ancient demon head on, even if he was wounded in the act. Tsuzuki had shown real power then, though Hisoka didn't see all of it, he saw enough to know that his partner was indeed very powerful. However, even still, Tsuzuki walked around smiling, whining about paper work, and acting like a spoiled brat sometimes. He was like two separate people. Also, more then that...  
  
"His~oka-chan!"  
  
He was really annoying as hell sometimes too!  
  
"Shut up, BAKA! I told you not to call me 'chan' didn't I?!" Green eyes shot daggers into the happily waving fool who had peeked his head through the infirmary door. At the boy's words though, the happy face dropped only to be replaced with sniffling and huge watering eyes.  
  
"But, I can't just call you Hisoka-kun," Tsuzuki's nose scrunched up a bit as though he had tasted something very bitter. "That doesn't fit at all."  
  
"And just how does 'kun' not fit??"  
  
"Now, now Hisoka, if you scowl like that too much you'll get wrinkles in no time."  
  
"Shut up! Stop saying such stupid things." Green eyes closed as a hand went to rub that one spot on his temple that Hisoka was silently dubbing the 'Tsuzuki's an Idiot' spot as it always started to pain right there when he got on the boy's nerves, which was every time he saw the man.  
  
"Well, come on in Tsuzuki!" The scientist greeted his friend placing the last of the bandages in a drawer. "I just finished changing the bandages, and Hisoka looks to be healing rather fast, too!" Watari beamed behind his glasses, his ever pleasant mood a constant and unwavering thing. Really, Hisoka was starting to wonder if this man had any other feelings. Not that an ever pleasant happiness was something that bugged or hurt him empathy wise, but what kind of person smiles all the time? Turning to Hisoka, Watari gave a gentle pat to the empath's shoulder, one of the few places he wasn't injured.  
  
"Bon will be healed in no time," The blond exclaimed, using his new nickname for Hisoka, who, in turn, scowled back at the use of such a name.  
  
"Ano... Uh, Watari-san?" Tsuzuki timidly placed up his hands trying to calm the air in the room, or more like the furiously red boy who looked like he was going to kill the scientist; Watari of course remaining oblivious. "Tatsumi said he needed to see you, something about the 'pigeons you were keeping'?" The diversionary tactic worked wonderfully as Watari's mouth dropped, as a realization dawned on him, and he ran as fast as his legs could carry him out of the infirmary.  
  
"...."  
  
"...."  
  
The silence that filled the room was very unnerving and for the life of him, Hisoka didn't know why. It wasn't that Tsuzuki made him uncomfortable, so why did he feel this way? Turning his eyes to the man who stood quietly before him he saw the nervous fidgeting of thumbs and fingers, eyes that averted his own, and a tiny shuffling of feet. Hisoka tried to concentrate, to increase his own mental shields against stray emotions, and that when he noticed that nervous feeling he had felt wasn't his own, but Tsuzuki's. The emotion was extremely powerful, and even as he tried to keep up his shields he felt it pressing down on him.  
  
"Dumb ass..." Hisoka murmured, pressing a hand to that 'spot' again. Tsuzuki looked up at the remark, and upon seeing the pained expression on the boy's face, the anxiety quickly succumbed to guilt before it lessened behind Tsuzuki's own mental shield he walled around them.  
  
"Sorry."  
  
"..."  
  
"...."  
  
"Well?" The silent game was really starting to ware on Hisoka's nerves, even if the Tsuzuki's emotions were not pressing into him anymore, his own anxiety was starting to grow. He didn't want Tsuzuki to see him like that. He didn't want anyone to see him weak in anyway, especially not this guy.  
  
"Hisoka," Tsuzuki cut into the empath's train of thought before he had a chance to analyze that last notion.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Well..." Violet eyes were looking more at the floor then at Hisoka's own face. He hadn't really seen the other man since the end of their first mission together, and it occurred to Hisoka, that this was the first time the two of them had been alone since that incident...  
  
//"Yeah, that's right, I'm already dead."\\  
  
"Just what is it?!" Hisoka turned his head down, bursting out in anger at the purple eyed man who jumped at the harshly toned words directed at him. Hisoka didn't look up, his face was hot, and he knew the blush that stained it. Embarrassment and anger welled up inside the youth as he remembered what he had said in front of the other man. He had let out his secret, he was indeed already dead. No doubt this was why the man was nervous around him. What a monstrous thing he must seem to the man that was his partner. A weak child, one who wasn't even suppose to be among the living. Of course he would be consumed with anxieties. He was talking to a corpse! No doubt he was going to question this; no way was he going to over look it. The 'how' and 'why' quickly making Hisoka's stomach turn, memories of his death floating to the surface of his mind. Anger ragged inside him as he unconsciously balled up the sheets into clenched fists. So consumed within his own world, he almost missed the words that Tsuzuki spoke next.  
  
"I don't want to be your partner."  
  
.................................................TBC  
  
Lil' notes and commentary from me;  
  
YAY! The end of the first ark of the NSF story! (Dogging stones from angry readers) Ouch! Sorry, sorry, sorry!! Really sorry this took so long. Actually I wanted to continue the story for awhile now, but it had been some time and I thought no one would care to pick it up again, *Thank you 'fan' who mailed me! You know who you are ^_~!  
  
More of a cliffy then I wanted to do, a lot is still left open, a lot is presented, but this case is closed. Might do an omaki but that's not necessary as most things will be clarified better a little later on.  
  
As on that note, yes, I will continue this story *through all 4 archs... well there are 3 left so... ^_^* And as to anyone wondering where the heck is all the Tsu-soka stuff? Welcome much more to come in the second arch. They had to meet, get a feel for one another. Romance isn't always at first sight, well, any who, their romance will pick up, fluff and angst is on the way~!!  
  
Thank you for reading this story, I hope you enjoyed it, and the kinda' open-endedness of it. I will work hard and try my best to make the next chapter and post it as soon as possible, no more long breaks I promise! ~_~; (sorry) so ahh, please let me know what you thought off the end of this arch, C&C, even flames if you like. If I've really messed up let me know so I can try harder! Thank you #^_^#  
  
((((~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*(( ))* ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~))))  
  
As promised the quickie-sum-up for those not liking blood and violence,  
  
Hisoka is captured- spell is cast on him- Tsuzuki busts in and is unable to stop the finishing of the spell- the spell fails because there is another spell already over Hisoka, Hisoka is already dead (??) Rina is burned by Tsuzuki which breaks contract with demon who has possessed Maria- Tsuzuki teleports himself and Hisoka away- 3 days pass- Tsuzuki tells Hisoka he doesn't want to be his partner.  
  
It's better in the long version *I hope _* but please this is really no substitute for reading the last, albeit VERY LONG, chapter. 


	8. Under Swaying Clouds of Pink Sakura

Disclaimer: Yoko Matsushita is the creator of all Yami no Matsuei and all its characters. OC(s) so far include Rina Ito, and that's it. More will follow.

Warning(s): WARNING WARNING WARNING!!!! There will be more of what happened in the previous chapter by way of violence and blood and... uh, much worse stuff, and implications of so said much worse stuff from this chapter on. If you can NOT stomach this, stop reading this story now! It's all a downward spiral of angst, pain, and horrible things. I'm sorry but this will be the last time I post such a general warning on these things so PLEASE continue at your own risk.

Pairings: TsuxSoka, more reveled below.... (Hehe!)

Plot starts to simmer heading towards boil

POV: First person POV will always be Tsuzuki and no one else; however POV will change when I feel it's best for the story.

Notes: Again, '...' thoughts and ...is memories.

You knew it would come to this,

Under Swaying Clouds of Pink Sakura

"What?"

'_White bandages.... Your arms are covered in them...'_

"It's what I told Konoe-san. If we're both against it, they can't make us stay partners anymore."

'_It's too late to do anything about them now, but..._'

"What do you mean?"

"Well, we'll both be assigned to another temporary partner until they can find a replacement. There are a few different agents in the section, but I think you'll be partnered with Tatsumi." There's a pain that shoots through my arm. A tiny glance down reviles my left hand's death hold on my own wrist. Carefully I force the hand to release it's vice like grip over _that _wrist. Swinging my arms behind my back, all I can do it seems is smile on at that blank face, that face, void of emotions. "You'll like Tatsumi, I'm sure. He's very strong and a MUCH better agent then I am."

'_If it was him, then you wouldn't be sitting in that bed right now...'_

"What about you?"

"Wha... W-Well, I'm sure that they'll partner me with Watari until a new agent is found," This isn't good. "I mean, there's no way they'd partner me with Terazami..." I can feel the barrier I've placed up beginning to crumble. I can put it up rather strong for short periods of time it seems, but only for short periods of time. He's eyes are still searching me, behind that cold face of his, and the barrier that is stopping those searching eyes from reading my soul like an open book is quickly weakening.

'_I can't even do this right, can I?'_

"...Is that all?" The tone is cold and unfeeling. He doesn't sound angry, or upset. Had I hoped he would?

"Y-Yeah, I just have to go and tell Tatsumi about the decision," Turning to leave, I make sure to keep my hands from his eyes. I can already feel the warm liquid that is slowly dripping down my right hand; it's nothing I want him to see.

"Well, I'll send Tatsumi by so you two can get acquainted!" Happy, happy and smiling. That stupid happy face, that smile, that voice. I give my all into it, that fake mask, as I turn my head just over my shoulder, all the while keeping my red stained hands in front of me, out of his sight.

'_Its okay, if I stay like this.' _

"Fine." He isn't looking at me, the horribly smiling fool, as emerald eyes seem to have found the window across the room a far more interesting sight.

"I'm sorry." I whisper the apology just under my breath as I leave the room; more then sure no human ears could have heard it. I know it's not something I have the courage to say to his face, but it's more important for me to even say it. To make it real, I need that at least.

I can hear the door closing, far away from me, my feet having carried me as fast as they could away from that room. My legs refuse to stop as I ascend the stairs of the NSF headquarters, until I have reached the roof of the building; the greenhouse.

Reaching the top of the last flight of stairs, without missing a beat in my steps, I swing the green tinted door open, and let it fall closed again behind me as I enter the foreign realm of plants and animals. The greenhouse is huge, and it covers the entire roof of the building, some would even say it was the top floor, except it there are no offices and it doesn't really seem like it belongs as a part of the NSF building. It holds unnatural trees, mostly pink sakura, which never stop blooming no matter the season. Also, there are a few animals that Watari keeps inside, some of which I was pretty certain don't exist anywhere except inside the greenhouse.

From the outside, anyone would think it looked just like another level of the building. However, the inside was transparent, letting you see the sun, sky, and the city all around, as if there really were no walls surrounding this misplaced Eden. In truth, it was very much its own man-made habitat, or more like Watari-made. I don't think any normal man could make a more perfect garden then this greenhouse. As to how he did that, well, he did tell me once, though I never really retained that knowledge.

Ever since the greenhouse was created, though, it has been my favorite place. It's where I've come whenever I want to escape from things. Needless to say, I've been coming here more and more recently. Today seems no exception.

I don't know how long I stood there, in the middle of those forever flowering sakura trees, before I let myself fall back, my body landing on that soft grass littered with little pink petals.

I like the smell of the sakuras.

It's nice to come here, to just lay under the blue sky, in this perfect little paradise, and just forget about rest of the world. I always come here; somehow it seems easier to forget everything, when I'm surrounded in the un-aging flowers, under that sun that also has never showed signs of its true age. Time seems to stop in here, bringing everything and nothing with that possibility. To stay forever in this state; never changing. If only I could let all of the horrible things that taint this world stay away from this perfect Eden.

However...

"...What is it?" My voice is louder then I mean it to be, it's tone breaking the spell the silence has cast over this world.

Even here things have a way of finding me.

"How did you know I was here?" I didn't need to even hear that voice to know who was watching me. There was such a familiarity in the feeling his eyes always gave as whenever they followed me. As for myself, well, I guess I got used to it.

"The shadows," turning my head to the side, my eyes follow the length the pink flowering tree a few feet to my right. Standing there with a hand pressed against the trunk is the man with deep sea blue eyes that hide behind bright glasses; Tatsumi. "They got darker."

"I'm sorry if I'm intruding on you Tsuzuki-san." His words are genuine, and I know he only means well. Normally, I suppose I would tell him, 'No, it's alright!' and smile and offer him the spot next to me. Smile, and talk about everything, everything except what was really bothering me. Right now though, I don't seem to have the capability. To smile, to say that 'It's fine', to pretend to be happy just so that the others won't look at me any differently; I don't have the energy for that right now.

Just this once, I can't find the strength to be happy.

Tatsumi must have taken the silence as cue to leave as he turns his back to me, heading towards the door. The air in my lugs escapes my lips as I watch him go. Had I been holding my breath?

Returning my own eyes up to face the blue sky, that holds soft pink clouds, hanging out of reach and lightly swaying with tiny cherry petals raining down from them.

'_I like this place.' _

If I could stay here in this place forever, I could be bathed in the sent of sakura forever. The gentle feather like caresses they make against the skin, the sweet, soft sent that warms and lulls you into their dreams. I would want to stay in a world like this until the end of time, and I could be content to stay in this dream alone...

'_Forever alone?' _

That's not what I meant; I really don't want to be left alone, but I think it's better if I'm alone. If being his partner means he'll end up getting hurt so badly... Oh, great! Here I come, all trying to escape the world, and the one thing I desperately need _not_ to think about has already wormed its way into my head. Well, actually, I don't think Hisoka is someone who would worm anything, but...

'_Why does it have to be like this?' _

Pressing eyes closed, I only want to block the pink swaying clouds from my sight. Though, in the darkness of my own creation, I can't keep the vision of my partner from my mind. Okay, scratch that, EX-partner. It was going to happen sooner or later. I know I've heard those words many times from many different people. So many now I think I've lost count. Just one more time, I don't think I could stand to here them again... Right?

No, that's wrong too. I know that hearing the rejection again won't bother me. I resigned myself to the idea that I'd be alone all my life, so being told that again, it doesn't bother me. It's from him, his mouth, that soft and strong voice telling me 'I don't want you,' that's the problem. If he told me that, I can explain it, if he spoke those words to me, somehow I know my existence would end right there. There would be no point, no point in having lived, no point in waiting this long for...

Waiting? That's right, I know, I was suppose to wait. Wait... what was I waiting for? It's the one feeling I can say I've held onto since I awoke, since I became an agent. For as long as I can remember, I've had this anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach. Exited, and yet scared at the same time. It feels like I've been waiting my whole life for something to happen. I've lived this long, but what was the point? There was a time I stopped waiting though. It's hard to wait for something to happen, something you know is important, when you can't even remember what that thing was. There was a time, when I gave up, and all I wanted to do was disappear. That doesn't seem any different from now though. I wanted to disappear. I tried to end it all, yet...

That's not important. I don't want to think about that. What was I thinking about?

Oh, that's right; green eyes, angelic features, and a cute red blush. Things that seem so precious could have been erased from this world. Even though he made me smile, a real smile, in that short time we spent together, I was inadequate to protect him. I know that the reason he's hurt, the reason he almost died, the reason he's sitting wrapped in those bandages, all the horrible things that happened to him, all of it...

"...It was all my fault."

"How do you mean?" My body arches and my head jerks to the sound of that tranquil voice, pulling my mind from the requiem that it was unable to attain inside its own thoughts. Tatsumi is standing just above me, holding a silver try that catches the rays from the sun ever so slightly.

"Tatsumi-san?" The question of his return is silenced as he sets the tray down on the grass. My eyes are greeted with a small assortment of pastries cradled on a plate in the center surrounded by two cups of steaming tea. On the tray's far side is a small flower painted glass pot that matches the cups and plate.

"You were looking a little warn out there, this should help give you some energy. Besides," Tatsumi continued as he gracefully lifted up one full cup that was on the flower painted saucer, one of his other skills asserting themselves. "I came out here to take my tea alone under the trees, but I've noticed it tastes better when there are two sharing it."

Using my muscles in my stomach, I easily lift my body up right. I really can't make out what Tatsumi means by that, but hearing those words with that reassuring voice somehow make me feel better, making the troubled thoughts that had been taking over my mind become distant and hazed. Extending both my hands to retrieve the offered drink my finger tips touch that cool, white painted glass. However, just as I touch it, the saucer and cup slip away from my hands, falling and smashing on the ground in front of me, the hot liquid quickly being soaked up by the earth. I can't stop my own eyes from staring in shock at the broken cup. Quickly turning up to Tatsumi, pleading words fueled by guilt at my clumsiness for not taking the cup soon enough welling up and spilling from my lips. It was my fault; Tatsumi would never just drop a glass cup like that!

"I'm sorry Tatsumi, I didn't mean-," His face is a visage of shock and what even looks like anger. The words of apology quickly choke in my throat. Tatsumi's face is never that un-composed, not unless...

Catching the movement of Tatsumi's hand shooting out at me though the corner of my eye, my reflexes kick in, raising arms to cover my face. The hand doesn't strike, but grabs my right forearm pulling it with strength I had forgotten the man possessed. My body, losing its balance, falls forward. Quickly dropping my knees down into the earth, I stop just inches from the face that holds those blue, tempest filled eyes before me.

"Tsuzuki?!" That always composed voice unhinged from its usual calm and calculated speech, almost on the verge of yelling.

"Tatsumi-san, I-," My tongue unbinds, this time fueled by fear more then guilt. I stop just short when a small wave of pain shoots up my right arm. Crying out, my body crumples under the throbbing that is racing in from the pressure of Tatsumi's grip. My left hand grabs onto the pain filled arm, trying to somehow stop the agony that is pushing up it. The throbbing lessens slightly as the other man relaxes his grip just enough to not hurt, but not enough that I could pull my wrist free. There are gentle, yet strong fingers prying my left hand away from my arm. Looking up, my eyes find the opposite of what I had seen not but seconds before. Sad, sapphire eyes looked on as his hands cradled my wrists within his grasp.

"Asato, what did you do...?" The hurt in that voice as he uses my given name drew my own gaze to follow his. The unbidden gasp escapes my lips as realization dawns on me. Yanking my wrists away from the secretary, I pull them into my chest and tug the sleeves of my suit down as far as they would allow, trying my best to stop him from seeing the mutilation I must have inflicted just a little bit ago.

"Asato, you're not...?" Panic quickly fills me at the unasked question. I turn wide eyes to the man next to me, feverishly shaking my head 'no' as hard as I can.

"No! It's not what you're thinking. It's not _that_!" If they think I'm doing _that _again, then they won't let me be an agent. They'll make me go back to that place again, or worse. Fear quickly rips into my heart, the pain forgotten as I reach up desperately to grab onto Tatsumi's arms. I can't go back there!

"Really, that's not it! I just didn't realize wha-," A hand comes to my mouth, stopping the hysterical explanation that was bursting out of me. Blue eyes smiled kindly at me, as again hands gingerly pulled my wrists into that calm gaze, scrutinizing my self-inflicted wounds. My right wrist is swollen an there are deep red and bleeding angry nail marks left from my other hand, which, in turn, bears the crimson stains of those marks.

"Can you turn your wrist?" Obeying the request, silently I try to turn the purpled wrist with only a whimper breaking through my lips in response. "I think you fractured it."

My eyes turn pleading up to the deep sapphire ones before me.

"It's alright," Tatsumi lifts his hand to my face, brushing away a tear that was pulling at the corner of my eye. "Go to my office, I'll be there shortly with some bandages, okay?"

Carefully he returns my injured wrist to me and I don't lose a second as I pull it in close to my own body, again, hiding it as best I can under my sleeve.

"...Tatsumi-san...?" He only turns his head slightly over his shoulder in response to my unasked question, letting a small smile fall on lips that others rarely see in expression of such kind feeling.

"You're always far too clumsy Tsuzuki-san, spilling hot tea over your hand like that. We need to wrap it up to help it heal faster." These are his last words to me before he exits the garden. The entire time my eyes are unable to leave that retreating form.

Tatsumi-san has always been too kind to me. He has always looked out for me, even after he was no longer bound as a partner to me.

Yes, sometimes we partner up still on missions, as I am in permanent want of a partner it seems. However, at one time, we really were partners. That was until... the incident.

He really shouldn't be this nice to me.

Keeping my arm close to my side, I raise my body up, and head toward the door. It's best if I try and avoid running into anyone right now. Instead of taking the main hall to Tatsumi's office, I take the most round about route there is. It's also the least traveled one.

Hisoka sat in his bed, fingers still knotted up in the white sheets around him. His face remained composed, yet inside he was anything but. As to what he was feeling after hearing that, those simple words from that smiling face? He really didn't know what to feel. What was wrong with him? He should have been ecstatic, right? He only had to be partnered with that idiot for one day. That was nothing. He had tried his hardest to be cruel to that man, and through it all, he had never been angry with the boy. He had never even become upset with him! His personality, all the horrible things he said, the cold glares, none of that had made Tsuzuki turn away. The thing that must have, the only other thing that could have made Tsuzuki say what he had, to not want to be his partner anymore, must have been...

"...It's because he knows." Hisoka's hand slowly freed itself from the sheets to cover his mouth, which parted ever so slightly in realization. Yes, that must have been it; it's because he was dead. Back then, after he had let it slip in front of Tsuzuki, his partner had clamped up his emotions rather strongly when he had pick Hisoka up and taken him from that hospital, and even just now. The empath had always tried to drive away the people he had to interact with by being, for lack of a better word, a horrible _brat_. Tsuzuki though, it didn't work with him. It must have been due to his undead state, that the man had so quickly rejected him.

"Someone knows what?" A voice painfully familiar pulled the boy up out of whatever train of thought he had been carrying on. Green eyes darted to the sound of that voice, and standing in the corner or the right far corner of the room, was the one thing that made his stomach curl the bile rise in his throat on sight. Silver hair swayed slightly around glasses. That smooth, pale face, turned ever so slightly to the side; as it directed its unnatural right eye at the young boy. A tiny smirk pressed upon those lips, as he must have been enjoying the fear and confusion that drew so easily on Hisoka's face at his mere presence.

"Muraki...?!" The words were barely a whisper, a fear that to utter them any louder would cast a horrible spell, summoning the real man if the one before him was only a mere trick of his mind. Muraki just dipped his head slightly, smiling at the entire exchange, dispelling any fools hope as to the fictitious state of his being. He shifted from his spot against the wall, his pristine white trench coat billowing just slightly at his advance on the fear stricken boy.

"Yes that's right," That voice hummed unnaturally inside Hisoka's ear as Muraki leaned in close to the boy, raising a hand to caress paled skin, and smiling at the small quiver that ran through that young body on his touch.

He really was enjoying this exchange.

"I wanted to see you.," He offered at first by way of explanation as to his presence. Hisoka's brow still stitched itself in confusion. That reason, while so very simple, was defiantly not the reason why he would risk coming into the NSF Head Quarters. This wasn't how the plan was suppose to play out...

'...Was it?'

"Now, before we talk about 'what someone knows'," the silver haired man began, his eyes reveling more a menacing edge to them. "I must say, I'm disappointed in you. Barely gone from my sight and you almost let yourself die?" Wide green eyes could only stare on at that calm smiling face, the dark, angry emotions that pushing into his skin through the contact of those hands, revealing more behind his intentions then that smile.

"The plan was not for you to die, boy. I could feel your soul waiver. Even though you are dead, that does not mean you are immortal. Were you trying to commit some kind of suicide?" The silver eyes that shown unnaturally bright behind those glasses focused in on the sight of Hisoka's own vivid green ones. The caressing hand slid behind the boys head, coming to rest just at the back of his neck, turning those fear ridden eyes to look back into his own. "We have a problem now, don't we?"

"Wha-What do you mean?" His voice was quivering under that touch, as that dark essence that filled the man, draped in white, pushed into him. He knew this touch. It was not something that he enjoyed; no, it was not something he could have ever enjoyed. He knew this touch, these emotions, as he had known them for some time. This man, this horrible being, who looked as though an angel draped in white garb, was truly the worst monster to walk the face of the earth. It was a creature he could never escape, even now, inside this place, he knew. There was no place that was safe, not from him.

There would never be an escape.

"My beautiful doll," that sick humor that lulled behind those lips pulled them into a smile, as he leaned in closer to the boy. Hisoka froze, knowing that approach, reflexively his head went to back away, but that hand behind his head kept him from escaping. Green eyes widened even more as those lips drew even closer to his own, stopping just a breaths touch away from meeting.

Muraki whispered low, words only meant for Hisoka to hear. "You've caused me a great inconvenience, making me come all the way into this place just to prove a point to you. Once you were no longer under my direct sight, did you think I wouldn't, or couldn't come if you tried to destroy what is mine? You are mine, your body..." a hand ran down the boys torso, the effect on the empath was just as if ice had slid down his chest. His body became rigid, stiffening under that man's touch. Muraki, for his own part, acted as though he was unaware of the effect his touch had on the boy, how his eyes hazed over, and even the trembling stopped as every muscle in the Hisoka's young body tightened. That roaming hand came to rest over the boy's heart just as a great pain shot through his body. Hisoka's body jerked, overcome with spasms, slamming itself back against the headboard of the bed. Tears welled up deep in pained, emerald eyes, his mouth opening to give way to the scream he could not keep down. However, the scream was muffled under his attacker's hand as his skin glowed red. The ancient spell that was written over his skin flared to life again through the old scares that covered his body.

'_Even your soul is mine.'_

"Do you doubt I could come to you at anytime, in anyplace?" The question was one that would never receive an answer, the subject of his inquisition unable to stop his own body's spasms as it wrenched and shook as the pain came in waves washing over his whole being, reaching down into his core.

"I'll have to show you just how untrue that is." Before the fake angel's lips claimed his own, a soft tapping at the infirmary's door broke the dark spell Muraki's presence had enveloped the room in. Two sets of eyes looked on as a man's voice broke into the room, wide fear filled green and enraged steel blue eyes turned to face that white door as it opened.

"Sorry to disturb you Hisoka," Tatsumi's calm voice entered the room as he opened the door. A cool breeze washed over the shadow master. Hisoka sat on the bed, looking a little disheveled, curtains from the open window blowing lightly in the breeze. "I just came in here to get some supplies." Tatsumi stated as he strolled over to the cabinets opposite the beds.

"S-Sure," A tiny quivering voice answered, making the secretary's usually smooth motions falter slightly. Calm deep blue eyes turned to take in a better look at the boy. The empath's green eyes that Tatsumi had only seen as vivid, now were dulled, turned down to look at the sheets he gripped in his hands, his skin even more pale as slight perspiration drew on his brow. Tatsumi placed the bandages he had come to retrieve on the counter and turned to the boy.

"Are you alright Hisoka?" His tone exposed no worry, and Hisoka couldn't feel any emotions coming from the man, who supported a very strong and secure mental barrier what seemed at all times. The empath cursed under his breath, this one time wishing he knew just what the other person was feeling. Had he heard anything? Was this man suspicious of him, or had he really just come to get bandages and was truly worried about him. The thought of someone actually being worried about him would have made him laugh out loud, and he quickly dismissed the last option from his mind. Hisoka tried to gently reach out with his empathy, to read anything from this man. Yet, to no avail, and trying any harder would make Tatsumi, who was very mental conscious, aware that he was being probed. Uncertainty of where he stood always made him nervous. Desperate to drive attention away from himself Hisoka grabbed onto the first thing that came to his mind.

"Did Tsuzuki send you?" The question was cool and controlled, his voice not betraying the fear his white coated visitor had instilled in him. If Tatsumi had seen Muraki, he would have said something about it, right? Muraki's exit from the room was swift, his skills and power once again were demonstrated before Hisoka.

That wasn't such a good thing though mind you.

"Tsuzuki?" Hisoka's diversionary tactic was working as it had stopped the questions about him; however he seemed to have even more of the secretary's attention directed his way. "What do you mean?"

"He said that you were going to be my partner now..." Emerald eyes looked over the man before him, unable to clearly read the older man's reactions. "Oh, or maybe you haven't spoken to him yet?" It was rather unnerving not being able to read the emotions of this man, and Hisoka was actually for once wishing his gift was stronger. He wasn't sure which way to drive the conversion so it would equal the other man saying, 'good bye', and him walking out the door he came in from without flat out saying 'Get the hell out!!'. Though, the thought slowly started to occur to him, with this man here, there was no way Muraki would dare return. After all, he wouldn't want to be discovered would he? The wheels in Hisoka's mind began turning quickly, the only real draw back was that he couldn't let Tatsumi suspect anything was wrong with him, or let the man know why he was as shaken as he was. Blaming his behavior on his injures would work, if he tried to ask if he was okay again.

"I'm going to be your partner? Why would that happen?" The question was expressed with only a very dim interest behind it, only slightly affecting his tone. This man really was a master over his emotions and actions as that was all Hisoka could graze from talking to him. Though he must not have seen Tsuzuki, because he didn't seem to know what Hisoka was talking about. Finally getting his footing on the subject, Hisoka's own cool mask slid back into place. He liked to know what he was dealing with.

"He told the Chief that he didn't want to be my partner anymore," Hisoka's own calm voice explained to the secretary as the other man leaned only slightly back against the counter top, letting his hands come up on his sides and press down on the smooth blue surface for support. Tatsumi let his full attention rest on the boy before him. Hisoka continued with that same calculated and uncaring tone as he finished his explanation to the older man. "He said that you would be the one to be my partner until a new permanent one could be found." Green eyes turned away from the secretary, quickly becoming distant as they looked at the billowing translucent white curtains next to the window.

"Oh, I think I see now..." Tatsumi turned his back to the boy, as he gathered up the white rolls of cloth, scissors and bandage clips he had pulled out of the cabinets. Taking the supplies he headed to the door, though the boy's voice called out to him with one question.

"He hasn't said anything to you about why he would want to stop being my partner, has he?" Tatsumi stood in that spot, just in front of the door, his gaze directed at the floor in front of him. A few red drops of blood lay just in front of the door. Shifting the supplies to one arm, the sapphire eyed man took a handkerchief out of his inner breast pocket of his suit, rubbing away the small spots on the floor. Hisoka, who had not seen the blood, could only stare on in confusion at this act, until the man finished, and returned upright. Turning to face the boy, deep sea blue eyes looked into the confused emerald ones. Hisoka fought with his will to control the fidgeting that was taking over his body under that strong gaze.

"No," Tatsumi's well trained voice calmly answered the offered question, his gaze taking in the full sight of the boy whose body was wrapped in bandages. "Though I don't think that it was a wise decision he made, I think I know him well enough to understand why he did that."

"Huh?" Confusion stole over the boy's face, his eyes focusing on the man before him, trying to understand what it was he meant. Tatsumi looked on at Hisoka a little longer, before nodding his head, smiling ever so slightly as he had come to a decision. The older man turned again to leave and Hisoka found his eyes cast down to his hands, which had again somehow knotted themselves in white sheets. The calm voice he had not expected to hear answered back to him from the doorway as Tatsumi stood just inside its frame, his eyes looking on into the shadows of the hallway.

"I could be wrong, however," The older man began, keeping his eyes directed still into the shadows, "I would say that he blames himself for your injuries. He no doubt thinks it's his fault what happened to you. That he failed you. It's so typical of him." Hisoka couldn't see Tatsumi's face, but even if he could, he knew he wouldn't have been able to tell if that last thought made Tatsumi happy, or upset, as even his voice carried a mask that could not break under the empath's scrutiny.

"Hisoka, I know he may not be the partner that you had thought you would receive, however," Sea blue eyes finally turned over that shoulder, letting them rest on the empath, confusion dancing across his young face. A tiny smile touched the older man's lips, "I think you should know. Tsuzuki has had numerous partners over the years. Not one of his partnerships has lasted very long, they've always broken up. Most of them left after only a few months. However, this is the first time he has ever refused a partner." That blue gaze shifted off the boy, as the older man exited the room letting the door close behind him.

"So, it's because of me." It wasn't a question. Hisoka's fear had just been confirmed. Judging from Tatsumi's testament, and his own knowledge as an empath, Tsuzuki was a really good guy. Sure he was rather slow on the up-take, but he was kind. He had never told another person he didn't want to be their partner. He was a really nice person who never told someone, 'I don't want to be your partner,' even though he himself had heard it over and over again. He was never the one to reject another person, it had always been the other way around.

What did that say about him then? Small hands twisted the white cloth that gathered in his lap, anger and frustration furrowing his brow. Tatsumi thought it was because of his injuries, but that was stupid. No one could be like that. It was because he was little more then an animated corpse, wasn't it? He didn't like him because he wasn't alive, right? Well now, what the hell was he suppose to do about that?! It's not like he wanted to be this way. It's not like he had a choice! Flopping down on the bed, jade colored eyes searched the white ceiling above him. A deep sigh breaking through his lips.

"This is what I wanted anyways, so it shouldn't be a problem..." Okay so he knew it shouldn't be a problem, so why was it bugging him?

The white ceiling, the color, quickly drew images of Muraki again into the boy's head. Hands pressed against green eyes, trying to shove that image out of his mind. He knew, no matter what happened now, it really didn't matter, did it? That's not why he was here, it really didn't matter if Tsuzuki liked him or not. No, it was _better_ if he didn't like him. That would make it easier, right? That would make his mission easier. After all, he wasn't here to make friends with these people. He was not here of his own volition anyways.

Just as to how Muraki had managed to make his way into the Headquarters was beyond the boy at this point, but, then again, not much was out of reach of that man.

I really screwed up just now, didn't I? I didn't realize I had been squeezing that wrist that hard. Though, considering my strength, I'm not too surprised I was able to fracture it. Side stepping a small pile of crumpled papers that has littered the dark and dusty hall, a small silver light catches my eye. Turning on the ball of my heel quickly, my eyes scan over the area. The darkness has no hindrance on my sight, though I can see nothing down the hall. Great, so now I'm seeing things??

Returning down the direction I was heading before picking up my pace again, I continue my way to Tatsumi's office. It's childish, this feeling you get when your alone in dark places...That feeling like someone's watching you.

It's childish.

.............................tbc

Author's note and a little ranting:

The rant? Updates are a bit spaced, right? Actually I don't have internet and haven't had it for quite some time know.... (like the last time I updated ) this chapter has been sitting on my computer so I finally got it over to my mom's house where there is internet so I could post it. I'm going to use her comp from now on for this as I'm really doubting I'll ever get it back.... This SUCKS!!!! 

Okay, so the notes....

Hope I got more relationship foundation going on in this chapter. There were two more introduced in there, a lil' TasxTzu and MurxSoka. Both not uncommon. More will come by next chapter I think...?

What's the whole thing with Muraki showing up?? THAT wasn't planned. He wasn't suppose to come for another 2 chapters or so but the damn bastard worked his way in there 

Spotlight hog....

Well, I hope this will make up for the lack of updates, that's right folks! Two chapters for the price of one!! I hope this helps... (sorry it took so long!! ;;)

Thank you to everyone who encouraged me on the last chapter!! (throwing chocolate hearts to everyone)


	9. Return of Shadows Long Since Past

Disclaimer: Yoko Matsushita is the creator of all Yami no Matsuei and all its characters. OC(s) so far include Rina Ito, and that's it. More will follow.

Warning(s): Nothing new here.

Pairings: TsuxSoka, TasxTzu, and MurxSoka. More later...

POV: First person POV will always be Tsuzuki and no one else; however POV will change when I feel it's best for the story.

Notes: Again, '...' thoughts and ...is memories.

"Watashi no Otouto....

yasashi otoko no ko....

demo....

Sono warui roku-nin wa

....watshi no Otouto-chan o

....kuroshite

'ano gohan o tabemasen'

atashi wa shiki desu.

Sou... atashi wa atashi no Otouto-chan mohou desu.

Sore kara atashi wa jahito o kirai

Daikirai

Sore kara mina wa atashi o kuroshite

Mina wa shin daiyo

kore wa tsukuri-banashi janai."

.....

......

......

The harsh sounds of flesh bruising under assailing feet and fists echoed inside the empty halls of the school. The body that received the attacks crumbled to the ground. His legs had not worked for some time after the assault began; however the ones betting him had not let that stop their attack. Instead two of the boys had held his arms firmly as the third boy, Kishima, had relentlessly barreled his fists into the trapped boy's torso. When Kishima had finished, the two lackeys released their hold of the boy, letting him fall to the floor.

"I told you, didn't I?" The arrogant voice of his assailant filled the deserted hallway. Kishima was more happy then angry right now, as he had his enemy battered and spitting blood on the floor in front of him. Smirking, he bent down, grabbing a hand full of hair, and roughly yanked the boy's head back, letting him see into two pained, and still defiant, green eyes. Those eyes were ones that would never submit, no matter how many times he was to be beaten. The defiance and strength that filled them once again lit the anger that had stirred on the attack. Kishima brought his fist down onto that face, bashing the boy's head onto the floor in turn.

"Keep your eyes to yourself, Hijiri!"

Hijiri lay still on the cold tiled floor, his blood pounding loudly behind his ears, fighting the darkness that was threatening to overcome his sight. He couldn't allow himself to pass out, no matter how they beat him. He couldn't fight back now, but he wouldn't let them get away with this. Every fiber of his being swore to this, as his assailants mockingly laughed at his injured state, and left him to lie in his own blood.

They were going to pay!

"We just received this," Tatsumi's voice filled the darkened room. He clicked a button on the control for the slide projector. There were three bodies, old men, all hanging inside a hallway, their heads tipped to the sides. "This is taking priority due to it's... Troubling circumstances."

"Suicide?" I voice the question to Tatsumi, who shakes his head and pushes his glasses higher in silent reply.

"Why would the NSF be interested in some old men hanging themselves? I thought we only handled things that went beyond the realm of the police." That voice, sounding irritated as usual, came from across the table, causing me to flinch unconsciously. I can't help but be grateful for the darkness in the room. I have my hands on my lap too, to help me keep the bandages that are around my right wrist well out of sight.

"This was no suicide. To start with," Tatsumi raised his hand to the projected screen, indicating to the area below the bodies, "there is no way these men could have hung themselves; there was nothing for them to stand on anywhere near the scene." Clicking the control again, he flipped to the next slide. The next picture was a close up of the fine fishing-line string that held the bodies suspended in the air.

"That string is so thin, it should have cut through their skin," Watari pointed out from his seat next to me. He really was the analytical type.

"Yes, however," Tatsumi turned his eyes to the blond, "This is no sting." His voice seemed a little off of its usual cool and controlled speech, or was that just my imagination? Maybe I'm one who is over analyzing now.

"It's hair. They were each hung by a single strand of human hair."

"That must be some shampoo."

Ohh, okay I didn't mean for that to slip out!! Definitely not the thing to say, especially with the looks I'm getting from the entire room. I'm just going to shut up now, and see if I can get my body to shrink down any lower in my seat. There's a faint cough as Tatsumi is trying to return attention back to the front of the room.

"This hair, while strong, also has another interesting property."

"Besides breaking the laws of physics?" Watari is way to chipper, considering that we have three hallow looking eyes staring out at us on that big screen. Well, I can't be any better; I'll bet that the ghosts of those guys are going to put a hex on us for taking their deaths so lightly. Oh, no, wait! Tatsumi just said something and everyone got wide eyed and really quite. What was it? What did I miss?! This can't be good. Ahh, crap, there's no way I can ask him to repeat what he just said.

"That's impossible!" Watari's metal chair scrapped against the floor as the blond stood up, slamming both his hands on the table.

'What did I miss??!!' I'm so stressed on worrying about what was said that I almost missed the hushed words that came across from me.

"Watari's right. Even if you say that those three are 'sixteen year old high school students', how can that be?" Hisoka finishes his question to Tatsumi, and shoots me a quick look before returning his eyes to the front. I can feel my mouth drop. There's no way, did he...

Did he just do what I think he did?

"Their DNA matches that of Matsuura, Akihisa; Yamaguchi, Ryota; and Kishima, Keiji." Another click changed the picture from the corpses to the school photo of each of the students. All were young, healthy looking boys, nothing like their withered, dead bodies.

"But how?" Watari is sounding rather amazed, or was he impressed? Either way, I just know that it can't bode well.

"We have a theory on that, and it would tie in with the cause of death." Tatsumi moved to the light switch, flicking it on before he passed out folders to each of us. Inside was the autopsy report for each of the victims. I really hate trying to figure these things out, but luckily...

"They died of a complete system failure? They didn't die of strangulation?"

...Watari always bursts out with a quick translation.

"Total cellular failure. Every organ in their body shut down at about the same time. Death was not due to lack of oxygen in their blood, and not a single one of their necks was broken. Every part of their body shut down due to, as best we can tell, old age." Tatsumi moved over to the projected that sat near me at the end of the table, clicking it off. "We are going with the assumption that they're life force was drained from their bodies, and possible through that hair. This would explain their aged state, and would follow with the preliminary test results we have preformed on the hairs themselves."

"We also have reason to believe there will be three more victims in addition to these three." Tatsumi isn't looking at us, and I can't help but feel he's dodging something. I try waiting for him to continue, however he's giving no indication that he has anything left to share. Opening my mouth to ask, however, another voice cuts me off.

"How do you know three more will die?" Tatsumi looks on at Hisoka, yet he is just staring at the boy, he doesn't even look like he's deciding if he wants to answer or not. He's lips remain closed, his expression unreadable.

"That is classified," The Chief voice fills in the muted Tatsumi's stead, bringing the cup of tea he's been holding onto up to his lips.

"Wait, what do you mean 'classified'?!" Watari bursts out, not bothering to even try and hide his shock. I have to admit, I'm shocked too. There is rarely anything they keep a secret from us when it involves a mission. All information is important for solving the cases as quickly as possible.

"It means just that."

Watari tries to protest that last bit; however the Chief gives one of his 'evil eye' stares and the scientist meeps a little before pulling his seat back under him.

"I'm going to need all of you in the field on this one. If the next three are going to die it will be within the next week or two max." Konoe pointed at Watari, getting a puzzled look from the scientist, who questioning blinked several times and pointed at himself in return. "You're going out too."

"Wha- Really??" Now THAT is odd. Watari is an agent, true, however he hasn't been out on a mission in the last six months. Normally he stays behind and works on solving any clues or problems that arise while we're out in the field. This is defiantly becoming very strange. There's a solid tapping on the table drawing my attention to Tatsumi who is actually tapping the folder in front of him, and not the table.

"Each of us has been assigned roles to play out. This case will require us to investigate the school where the murders occurred. We will need to be able to freely talk with all members of the staff and student body." Flipping into my folder I find I'm supposed to play out a nurse. I can't help but fell they might be giving me the wrong role here. I mean, I really am not that good with things like how to treat sicknesses or anything. Why couldn't they have made me the janitor? I know how to clean, that's easy. Watari seems happy with whatever he was assigned as he is practically beaming and singing 'science is the spice of life'. I know I shouldn't look, but I can't help my curiosity. Casting my eyes toward my par-... Hisoka, I can't really make out his reaction as he reads his role. Well, actually, he looks pissed, but he almost always looks that way. "The one who killed those three boys will either be casing the school, be a member of the faculty, or even the student body."

"So they could be anyone." Hisoka's irritation at the all inclusive category of suspects is evident in his tone.

"You have two hours before you have to leave," Konoe began, un-phased by the last comment and rose up from his chair. His eyes looked each of us in turn. So many emotions had filled those tired eyes before he shook whatever thoughts had been filling them away. "You should all familiarize yourselves with your cover and the case... Good luck." The last of his words where hesitantly added, his voice portraying something that I couldn't quite put my finger on, yet it worried me deeply.

Each took our folders with the information we were required to study and made our way out the door. Watari headed for his lab, still singing, Tatsumi gave me a small nod, before following Konoe to his office, leaving just me and Hisoka. I try to smile; it's not a comfortable situation and it's the only thing I know how to do.

I don't want to be around him right now. It's been only three days since I last talked to him, or even saw him. I've been making a point to avoid any place he might go, like the break room, the infirmary, and our office... Tatsumi shares an office with Konoe, and Watari's office is his lab, and I'm the only one who has an empty desk so even though we aren't partners anymore we still have to share the same small office.

"You don't have to get so fidgety around me..." Hisoka's harsh tone knocks me off my train of thought. He's staring at me, agitated again. Not a big surprise. "It's not like I'm going to bite you."

"No-no, it's not that at all," Rubbing my head and offering a laugh as best I can; it comes out sounding rather pathetic. I must seem really stupid to him, that's what his eyes are saying at least, though...

"Hisoka, you look really good."

Something very hard hits my head, rocking it with a quick wave of pain that then leaves me to step back and stare wide eyed at a very pink and very, very angry face.

"W-WHAT WAS THAT FOR??!"

"YOU IDOIT!!"

Our outbursts where simultaneous, leaving both of us to just stare confused at each other. I thought it was uncomfortable before, but this silence is defiantly the most awkward it's been since we've met. I've decided to keep my eyes averted, maybe this will help make it a little more bearable, you know, if I don't see him he can't see me thing? What I really didn't expect was for him to be the one to quietly break the silence that had engulfed the void around us.

"...What do you mean?" His voice is very hushed, and when I look at him, questioning with my eyes, I find his own turned down and to the side as mine had been. It takes me just a little time before I catch onto what he was referring to.

"I... I don't see any bandages on you." My hands are up and in front of me, just incase he decides he wants to throw another blow. His reaction is a complete one-eighty of what I had expected though, as his head whips around to look up at me, a face with shock filled wide green eyes. For a second, I could swear there was a deep seeded sadness in them. However, his expression quickly melts away, his eyes growing hard and narrow as anger reclaims his voice.

"What... What would you care about that?!" His tone rising and becoming more enraged with every word. I can't help but pull my arms over my head for my own defense, noticing how tightly his hands have curled into fists.

"I'm sorry!"

'Why is he getting so mad??'

"I was hopping you were feeling better!!"

I really am expecting him to pummel me; I'm waiting for it. My eyes squeeze shut too, waiting for the blows. It's not that I can understand why he is going to do it, but I'm more then sure I deserve it. I end up standing in that position, for quite a while with no fist striking out at me. Lifting up my head to open just one eye to see what was happening, I can only stare on at a very cute and confused red face that is so close in front of me.

"Idiot..." Hisoka's voice has no edge with the insult, his face quickly hiding his emotions that had been so clear just a moment ago. Keeping his file under his arm, he shoves his hands into his jeans and turns away, leaving me to stand there arms still raised over my head. Letting my arms drop down after he takes a corner, I can only stare at the spot he disappeared.

That's when it started.

A strange warm feeling was slowly building in my chest. Even though it was small, it felt...safe; peaceful. My hand unconsciously moves to my chest, to see if it could be felt on my skin. However, the pleasant sensation was short lived.

The soft, warm feeling is quickly replaced with one far more dark and painful then the soft lulling emptiness that usually fills me. The small point of serenity that had lit up inside me only cast darker shadows then the ones that had existed before. The pain increased and my hand began curling into the fabric of my shirt, my muscles tightening in response. That small amount of warmth only served to show what the whole of my being was filled with. Straitening my composure, I head up to the nearest staircase to run and hid in my one impenetrable haven; the garden on the roof.

My mind, unbidden, races as I ascend the stairs; each foot step on the cement echoing in my ears timing it's self with my heart beats. I know this emptiness I feel was always there, it's not something that I haven't felt everyday, every minute. Now, though, I know this new feeling that had flickered in me was different. It was pleasant, and it only served to show just how much the void that had long since consumed me hurt by comparison.

The source, the cause of this painful calm eludes my mind; as my mind was already forcing the new, now unwelcome, sensation away under the same haze that has encompassed it ever since I awoke. I don't want to fight it either, it's better this way.

It's better to forget painful things.

Do not get Hisoka wrong on this point! He wasn't trying to be nice to that dolt. He just didn't want to hear his stupid question about 'what was said just then?' And not hitting him when he most defiantly deserved it? Or even just talking to him? No, it's not that he was being nice to that idiot. Being too mean to that fool was going to blow his cover! Tatsumi had already told him that he was the first one that that man had ever rejected, ever! That meant that he stood out to an extreme. If it ever came down to it, and he would have to stave off suspicion, something like that would only help to set him apart from most normal agents...right? Those were the lines his mind was running over and over again. That fool was going to blow his cover, and he hadn't done anything to him. He wasn't even the one to injure his wrist. Really though, what did he care if that fool was hurt? Hisoka had seen the bandages around Tsuzuki's wrist when he had raised his arms to block his blow. After all, what business of his was it? He wasn't Tsuzuki's partner. Never wanted it; glad it's gone!

Hisoka stopped in 'his' office placing his folder on 'his' desk. Suppressing a huff of indignation, the blond rested his head on his hand, eyes turning to stare at the empty desk just to his left. Amending that last bit, the chair was empty; the desk was covered in papers and files. Green eyes spotted a few wrappers that never made it into the trash can under the desk, and an open box of taffy that rested on the corner. The desk it's self was very full, but no one had occupied it for three days now. That 'no one' who had been avoiding him, the one who tried to avert his eyes every time he was anywhere near Hisoka.

That no one who said they didn't want to be his partner...

Leaning back in his chair, it gave a slight squeak under the change of pressure on its hinges. Hisoka flipped open his file, grimacing once more at the cliché roll he was going to be asked to play; transfer student. This whole case was starting to play out like a bad scripted detective novel. Sure it was logical for him to play a student, he looked the age and all, but... Pressing his eyes closed, the blond let out a sigh, releasing some of the pent up anger with it.

".... I really don't like people."

The words were a voice to a deadened room; confiding his thoughts within the four walls. Everyone needs to talk to someone; everyone needs to share things about themselves. Hisoka's choice in whom, or more like what, was based on the fact of if it couldn't talk back. If it couldn't share those private words he spoke with another living soul. This left him more then not confiding in animals, or, as in this case, with inanimate objects or empty rooms. He truthfully would not, or could not, speak in confidence with another human. He couldn't trust them. As an empath you would think that he could understand humans very well, communicate openly with them. However, the problem was he _could_ see into people too well. He knew their hearts, and the dark fingerings that stirred in them. He had yet to like what he had seen; he knew humans far better then anyone else. He hated people. It was their disposition to hurt others, their intolerance, their lack of understanding of the consequences their own selfish acts caused. There was very little he could say he did like in people, so he would rather simply avoid any type of interaction with them.

With that understanding in mind, the thought of parading through a school as a student, trying to wean information out of the kids there, was not something he looked forward to. Not in the least. There was no doubt in his head this assignment was going to be hell.

Hisoka thoroughly read through the cover he had to take. He may not like people, however, there was no way in any level of the 7 hells he was not going to give everything he could into the investigation or anything else he attempted; his responsible and serious side taking over. After he had the cover memorized front to back he closed the folder, left the stilled office, and headed to Watari's lab where their identifications and cloths for this job were being kept.

In truth he had never been to Watari's lab. His grand tour of the NSF had failed to show him where that particular room was. Konoe had only shown him to his office and the break room. Turning another corner lead the empath to a stairwell and a dead end. Spinning around, the boy was mentally cursing the NSF and all the people in it. You would think they would at least show you all the places you needed to go. Especially in this maze of a building! Just how was he suppose find this lab? A tiny voice in the back of his head put in its own two cents, telling him that he probably would have known if he were with Tsuzuki. His partner was the one who was suppose to show him the ropes as it were, ere go, the layout of the NSF... right? He couldn't suppress a small chuckle at the irony of his situation.

"Well, if this isn't fucked up..."

Hisoka continued his search of this level the building, when he passed by a door that was ajar; the rapid flight of fingers of a keyboard pulling his attention into the room. Deciding it would be better to ask for help then wander around for half an hour; Hisoka pressed the door open, eyes searching the room before him. Actually, it was more then just another office room. It was a massively huge library! Books that filled the shelves to the ceiling, and many more that didn't even fit inside the shelves lay in stacks on the floor. The center of the room also had bookshelves rowed through it. There was an old fashioned wood desk directly to his right, covered with papers and pens. The seat behind the desk was empty. However, the clicking of keys revealed the location of the occupant of the room as being on the opposite side of the entry away from the door, but the shelves were limiting his view of the operator of the computer. Hisoka gave a slight cough to announce his presences. At first there was no stop in the rhythm of the clicking keys, so the empath decided to raise the octaves of the cough a few levels, bringing a halt to the typing that echoed in the room.

"Hello?" Hisoka let his voice be carried into the room, just loud enough to be heard, but not so much as to destroy the serenity that enveloped this room cresend with the written words of thousands, if not millions of individuals. Emerald eyes searched the room for any signs of movement. Straining with his eyes to focus around the area, the empath began to use his gift unintentional to scan the room for emotions to pin-point the location of the individual in the room. He's sixth sense easily picked up on the other person who, if his senses were right, was very close to him.

With a start, green eyes widened and feet quickly jumped the youth back so as to place distance between him and whatever had just jerked on his cloths. Looking down at the source of the effect was a sight that made Hisoka became as pale as the moon when the mist covers the expanse. The happy smiling face that stood no more then a couple feet above the ground, the waving feathered hand, and the doll styled cloths, all made Hisoka's blood drain to his feet, leaving his brain muddled and running in the same circle of un-reasonable questions.

"You're... what...??" Not even a full sentence could find passage between his lips, the creature before him, a child who wore feathers, merrily smiled as though he had expected no less from the empath.

"Don't look too shocked now, I could take it the wrong way." A high pitched voice echoed throughout the room. Hisoka blinked twice, again trying to reason the scene before him in his mind.

"Take it easy now," The creature motioned away with his hand, moving around Hisoka who was still frozen in place. The creature moved behind the desk near the entrance, standing in the chair behind it so he could stair the boy in the eye. "My name is GuShoShin, and you are Kurosaki-san, correct?"

"What... Why are you here?!" The agitation at his new circumstances bursting out, his hands slamming on the desk that stood between him and his new, very big, in actuality very small, and feathered problem. GuShoShin looked on only puzzled into those hard and jaded green eyes.

"I'm here just as you are," GuShoShin began, not fazed by the hard stare he was receiving. He had not yet met the boy, though had seen his picture that one time when he took his file to Tsuzuki. Plus, there was a lot of talk in the Office about the one that even the ever loving and forgiving Tsuzuki couldn't stand. At first when GuShoShin had heard that Tsuzuki had refused the boy, he hadn't believed it. When the paper work crossed his desk for the partner change though, the reality that Tsuzuki had found someone he couldn't like finally began to sink in. Hard to deny reality when the proof was staring him in the face.

Face to face with this very same young man in question, the chimera was beginning to understand just how rude the boy could be. However, was that enough to turn Tsuzuki away from some one? That thought made GuShoShin feel a bit disappointed in the older man he had come to revered.

"It's not like that!" GuShoShin was taken back from his revien, left with a start. The sight of a very red, and even more agitated, green eyed boy who was staring hard at the feather covered child. Puzzlement at the words took over the chimera's mind, until he remembered what made this boy a canedte for the NSF. Hisoka continued, anger coming in clearly over his voice, "He's a stupid, oblivious, fool who cares about others too much, but..." Hisoka clamped his hand over his mouth, shocked even more then GuShoShin was at his outburst. Regaining some of the composure he always relied on, Hisoka hide his emotions behind a mask of indifference. He was good at that, he had done it often.

"Anyways, it's not important what you think of him," The boys voice was also masked as he continued, his emotions reined in tight, hidden so well it almost made his words empty of any hint of his soul, "So, are you going to tell me why you are here?"

"I'm the librarian, GuShoShin." The bird child's eyes squinted slightly, trying hard to figure out just what this kid was getting at. "I'm not really an agent of the NSF, if that's what you're getting at. I'm more like the record keeper." GuShoShin gestured to his own body, brushing lightly against his white feathers. "I know I don't look like much," the childlike voice spoke out of the chimera's body, "but if it came down to it, I could hold my own in a fight," GuShoShin's bitter feelings, infused with a sick humor at his own situation flowed freely over Hisoka. At first the empath resisted the emotions until something inside his head clicked, and all of his anger and frustration washed as quickly away as it had come with this new understanding.

"You're different..." GuShoShin looked shocked up at this boy, and then quickly broke into a laugh that racked his small body.

"Oh come on now! That's obvious right?" The little librarian fought to contain his laugh to a chuckle as he watched the boy's muscles tighten again. "Let's just say I'm the unfortunate out come of a horribly messed up childhood." Pointing to his chest, right above his heart, GuShoShin smiled with a strength that had only grown through opposition. "Believe it or not, I'm a human, same as you. Even underneath all these feathers."

"Oh..." Hisoka didn't want to ask about details about GuShoShin's past. Besides, he had a fairly good idea just where his origins lead.

"Now," The librarian stood up tall, gesturing to the boy before him, "how can I help you? Did you come for a document? You'll need clearance to view anything that's in the back, but anything else in here is fair game."

"Ah, no, that's not it," Hisoka replied, his mind quickly adapting to this new turn of events. "I'm actually lost. I need to find Watari's lab." GuShoShin smiled and nodded in understanding before he quickly began to run through directions to the lab. The happy smiling creature... child that was before him knew nothing of the weight that now bore down on Hisoka, or the decision he slowly, yet firmly, came to at that time; a decision that would change the fate of everyone in the NSF forever.

.............................tbc

Author's note:

Yep, this chapter up too. There's a twee bit of confusion maybe in this chapter. More relationship stuffs, all really confusing no? End of this arch will make sense though, I promise (after all there's enough foreshadowing to kill a horse ) Anyways, I'll update much sooner. No promises, but maybe next weekend...? (when I can get to a computer with internet )

Again, and it can never be said enough, thank you to my critics!!! (love for all!!!!)


	10. Breaking Dolls

Disclaimer: Yoko Matsushita is the creator of all Yami no Matsuei and all its characters. OC(s) so far include Rina Ito, and that's it. Another gets their intro in this chapter

Beta reader: Ochika (let's give it up to Ochika!!!! :D)

Warning(s): Nothing new here… except a WHOLE lotta angst

Pairings: TsuxSoka, TasxTzu, and MurxSoka. More later…

POV: First person POV will always be Tsuzuki and no one else; however POV will change when I feel it's best for the story.

Notes: Again, '…' thoughts and …is memories,

(((()-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------())))

Breaking Dolls

The voice over the loud speaker was cracked and muffled, showing the age of the equipment in the auditorium. They had been trying to raise the money to buy new ones, but that was hard with the economy being as tight as it was in their small town. Pressing his hands deep in the pockets of his blue school uniform, Hijiri stood, face forward, the same as all the other kids. He blended in with the crowd fairly well; they all looked alike from where he was standing. Blue uniforms and school crests everywhere you look, though, it didn't really bother him too much. After all, as boring as the sights and the daily announcements were, at least he could listen to his music. A casual move to run his hand though his dark brown hair was a guise for him to check that the earpiece headphone is in his ear, and make sure it was still well hidden. The speakers in the room were loud, and annoying to say the least, however the words that came over them were far worse, or that was his view of it.

The Head Master was announcing the daily same old mantra, and then gesturing to some people seated behind him. It must have been an introduction to new faculty members, as Hijiri had never seen any of them before. On cue, each one came forward, a short statement was made, and then they stepped back. When the last man stepped forward, Hijiri's heart skipped a beat, his interest quickly leaving from the violin music in his ear to the man who stood in the front. Another relaxed movement of his hand, and the earpieces where gone from his ears, now placed deep into his pockets. The man had deep chocolate brown hair and very vivid purple eyes; a color that he didn't think eyes ever came in. The man had a great smile that earned him a few coos from some of the girls, ones that where well deserved, noted Hijiri. He was tall, with broad shoulders and a well-built body that lay not so hidden under his suit. Even a few of the boys were getting hearts in their eyes. When he spoke, his voice only increased the spell that was already cast on the group.

"Hello, I am Tsuzuki, Asato. As your nurse, I hope to serve you all to the best I can!" Short and sweet were his words, even over that horrible speaker. A few giggles scattered around the crowd, as more then one was determined that their stomach was defiantly going to hurt and require a quick trip to the nurse's office. The other teachers that stood around the room whispered hushed demands for quiet to the students. Among the giggles and hushed demands, Hijiri heard one voice that stood out. Not with the love-struck whispers, or the elders that where demanding obedience; it was one that ran through and through with agitation.

"Idiot."

The words where spoken so close to him, however a quick glance in the area around him did not reveal the identity of the one who carried the cross remark. Ignoring that, Hijiri again turned his attention wholly to the front, as the new nurse, 'Tsuzuki', returned the mic to the Head Master and reclaimed his spot next to the other new teachers. Hijiri ignored the rest of the announcements, his attention better served to the man with purple eyes. There was something about him, about those eyes that made Hijiri want to know… As to what, even he wasn't too sure. However, whatever that thing was, Hijiri wanted to know, and it lay somewhere in those eyes.

The Head Master wrapped up whatever he was saying, and the students quickly milled out of the auditorium and directed to go to their classes. Hijiri decided that he too might take a trip to the nurse's office today. At least to satisfy his curiosity. Everyone had started to head back to where they needed to be, until there was a high pitched shriek that echoed deeply though the halls of the school. Everyone turned to the source of the scream. Hijiri was the only one though to run through the throng of people; he knew that voice.

Pushing past the horde of people, Hijiri saw Sukeko, a girl he had known for a little over a year, quivering in the middle of the hall. His classmates all had created a circle around her and another male student; his view of whom was blocked by Sukeko who stood directly in his line of sight.

"Sukeko!!" Fear and anxiety rippled though his voice, as Sukeko's only reply was another high shriek. Quickly, without thinking, Hijiri ran in front of the girl, arms poised wide offering protection from the one who ensued such high screams.

"What do you thin-!!?" Hijiri's angered words stopped dead on his lips. In front of him, stood himself. Almost a perfect mirror image of who he was now, the color was off though. The boy before him shared his same height, same features, and almost the exact same build, though this guy was a bit slimmer. The only real differences were his skin, which was paler then Hijiri's that had tanned a little under the summer sun, and his hair, which instead of a chestnut brown, was a soft blond. Another contrast was his eyes, which where a vivid, cold, green, unlike his deep brown.

"What the heck?" Hijiri was torn between confusion at this new 'twin' of himself, and his instinct to protect his classmate.

"Who are you?!" When left to decide whether to be angry or curious, the best bet is to stick with anger. The boy before him twisted his lips into a frown and delivered a glare that shot daggers at Hijiri, causing his body to dip slightly under that piercing, almost deadly gaze.

"NO!!" Sukeko's words were filled with rage, as she quickly pushed her 'protector' to the side with such force that Hijiri had to skid a little to stop from hitting the crowd that had gathered around them. "That's not fair Hijiri!!" Sukeko, who was now no longer quivering, stood firmly before Hijiri, hands placed strongly on her hips.

"What?" The dumb response was the best the brown eyed boy could deliver, his brain completely clouded with confusion.

"I'm the one who gets to ask him his name FIRST!!!" Sukeko shot one final, scorching death glare into those deep brown eyes, before turning sweetly to green ones.

"What's your name??" Sukeko's shrieks where now making sense to Hijiri as he finally recognized them for what they where; squeals of delight. Her face, as she gawked over this new kid, was completely overcome with the kind of infatuation that claims someone when they find a cute puppy. The love struck girl was practically drooling over the boy, trying to touch, and caress the arm of her new 'puppy'. However the 'puppy' in turn was doing his best to avoid her caresses like she carried the plague. Hijiri could only grunt slightly, annoyed at his current situation.

Besides the fact that now Hijiri looked like a total ass in front of everyone, whispers were quickly spreading all around him in hushed tones. He didn't catch all of what the others where saying, but he wouldn't have had to catch any of it to know what they were talking about. Sukeko was not his friend. He never talked to her, never really enjoyed anytime that she was around. Why? Because she was ALWAYS around! She had been self-nominated to create and lead his own personal fan club which, as crazy as it sounds, the Head Master had actually approved and made an official club! She had taken to stalking him all around the school and even to his house to get pictures and film of him. All of which she said she sold in order to fund the club, however that didn't explain her 'secret album' which was covered through out with his face. She was defiantly not the fickle type, and had been his loyal 'supporter' for the last two years. However, now she had just pushed him out of the way to gape at this guy who no one had ever seen before. Well and fine for Hijiri, true, but now he was beginning to question his attraction as a man. It's never a good outcome when a man starts feeling like he doesn't measure up, especially when that's all he's ever been revered as! A tiny shift in the crowd caught his attention, as a familiar scent drifted next to him. Hijiri's full attention dropped quickly from his 'twin' and his stalker, to a small figure that turned away from the crowd to leave the scene behind.

"That's it!" Hijiri huffed as he reached his fill of humiliation for one day. Fully prepared to storm away from the loud scene, however, his feet only carried him three steps. He stopped dead in his tracks, turning to the loud and terrified scream that was so close to him. Sukeko was screaming at the top of her lungs, blue eyes transfixed on the ground. The boy who she had been dotting over lay limp on the floor before her, even paler then he was a second ago.

"What happened??"

"He just collapsed!"

"Hurry, someone get the doctor."

"Someone, take him to the nurse's office!"

"Hijiri!" The one frantic voice he could distinguish amongst the others was Sukeko's, who was trying her best to lift the boy off the ground. "Help me!!" The events that had transpired only a few minutes ago where completely forgotten as Hijiri rushed to Sukeko's side, aiding her in lifting the boy. Wrapping their arms around his back, and under his shoulders, the two carried the boy as quickly as they dared down to the nurse's office.

(((()-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------())))

So, Watari gets to be the science teacher, and Tatsumi the P.E. teacher. Both of them get to have interesting jobs, and here I am; bored and alone. I had opened the window to the office they had assigned me. The wind and birds where my only entertainment, the only other sound, inside this entire room. I had taken a seat in front of a desk that also held a medicine cabinet on its backing. There where four beds in the room, all white and clean… Okay, so that's not what I want to be looking at right now. Did they even think about what they where assigning me to here? Lying back in my chair, I've decided to keep my gaze transfixed on the ceiling. Soft blue tiles… Strike number two. I can already feel my anxiety growing rapidly. I don't like this room. There's something about it, I don't know what… No, it's everything about it. The entire room; I hate it. Swiveling my chair, I turn so I can still lie back in my prone position and look up and out the lone window. Blue sky, not a cloud in sight. There's a tree not too far in the distance. A soft singing reveals the position of a small yellow bird perched on a branch. It's a good song, I suppose. If I died… would I come back as a bird? A small yellow bird, singing hymns to the morning sun? Probably not. More like a crow, or vulture. Something ugly that picks the flesh of those who once lived…

What difference would it make anyways?

Looking at the cabinet, a gleam catches my eye. Opening up the glass door I find a small scalpel. That's an odd thing to keep in a school's nurse's office, isn't it? Picking up the small blade with my left hand, I let my other lift to reveal the white bandages that are wrapped around my wrist. The bandages were more than a nuisance now then anything else; my fracture having already healed. I'm more then just a quick healer, as that wound would easily have taken a good month or more for normal people. Then again, I'm hardly normal.

Lifting the blade along the wrappings it easily slices away the fabrics, revealing the bare skin as white cloth falls away. Turning it over, my eyes search along the base of the wrist. The cuts my nails had left also had disappeared; no scars, no marks. At least none that where left after that day. Digging into my pocket, my hand slips around the wrist watch I was looking for. Securing the black banded watch over my wrist, a strange thought creeps into my mind.

Why did I do that again?

Why did I break my wrist? I know I did… Thinking about things that happened before is becoming harder and harder. I've always had trouble remembering things, that's not new, but now... I shouldn't have to try and think about something that happened only a few days ago to try and remember right? Setting the blade down on the table, I prop up my head on my hands, readying myself to dig just a little bit into my memories. This isn't something I would EVER normally do, but normally I don't forget why I broke my own wrist in a few days. I remember Tatsumi wrapping the wound after I did it. There was the garden... Did I do it there? I might have, but I know I wasn't trying to hurt myself. That doesn't make any sense, stupid! If I wasn't intending to hurt myself, then why would I have done it in the first place?! Frustrating. It's not like it's a big deal anyways.

"HELP!!" A shrill voice breaks apart my thoughts as the door to the room slams open. Quickly leaving my chair, I go to aid the girl who is hauling in a boy under her arms. Moving quickly I go to take the kid from her, as she is struggling to hold him up, even though there is another kid helping her carry the blond in. I don't know what I thought at first, or if I thought anything at all. It was…Hisoka! His eyes where closed, and he looked paler than I could remember. Trying my best to hide my shock, which was increased two fold with a sudden burst of memories that flooded to the surface at seeing him, I easily lifted him up in my arms and took him to one of the beds.

"W-What happened?" I know I was the one who spoke those words, I know it was me. The answer that came was high and frantic. Something about talking, taking his arm, and then he collapsed. I'm not sure if that was all that she had said, however focusing on anything right now was growing extremely hard.

I had forgotten Hisoka.

Thoughts and feelings where quickly returning, along with the reason I broke my wrist, the reason I had let everything that was Hisoka slip away from me. With the return of the memories of those green eyes, red face, and angered glares, also came a pain that reverberated deep inside my heart. I can feel my body shake slightly as I try and hold myself together so I can take his pulse. It's there. Lifting open one of his eyelids slightly, I can see his pupils shift to adjust to the light. A quick once over with my hands shows no broken bones or other injuries. Stepping back after completing the check I let out a breath I hadn't realized I was holding.

"Well? Will he be okay?" Turning to the girl, I gave a smile, and a small nod.

"Yeah, he should be fine. It just looks like he passed out."

"Passed out?" The boy who helped bring Hisoka in sounded rather annoyed by the simplicity of the issue. I was about to say something to him, until my mouth ceased to work. Instead, it has decided to hang there, while I am left to stare wide eyed at…A HISOKA CLONE??

"Huh-? Oh, no! I know it looks weird, but we're not related or anything!" The boy who shares the same face as Hisoka quickly tries to explain away the resemblance that is practically giving me a coronary.

"Actually, that may not be true, Hijiri!" The pale haired girl, who before looked scared out of her wits, chirped in loudly, a smile suddenly going from ear to ear. "You where adopted after all, so…" The look she is giving both Hijiri and Hisoka is like one of a hungry predator who has just had a feast placed in front of it. Is she really drooling??

"What?! But we don't even really look alike!" The boy 'Hijiri' defiantly does not like the idea that he could have a twin or maybe it's the suggestion that Hisoka would be it. The two start to take on a heated debate about long lost brothers, and something along those lines. I can't keep my attention on them though as I have a much bigger problem than 'who is whose twin'. Returning my gaze down to the boy who is sleeping on the bed, I know that there is something else far more important for me to worry about.

"Uh… Doc?" Remembering who is suppose to be a doctor, or nurse, here, my head whips around to implore the question I can hear in those words. The girl has moved to stand next to me, or more like Hisoka's bedside. "So, should I stay? You know, to make sure he isn't alone when he wakes up?" The words are sweetly spoken. However, if this girl's touch was enough to make Hisoka pass out then there is no way I can let her stay.

"No, its okay," Giving my warmest smile, I try to reassure her that everything really is okay. This performance not only for my sake, but also for the unconscious empath laid out in front of me. "I'll be here, and besides, he needs rest."

"But-," Her words of protest are cut short by an arm that has wrapped around her neck, pulling her towards the door.

"Common'. You heard the doc; no visitors!" Hijiri does a quick wave as he literally drags the protesting girl out of the room. Closing the door behind them, I turn back to again dwell on my current problem. Pulling my seat next to the bed, I prop my elbows on my knees, resting my chin on bridged fingers.

Somehow, I had forgotten Hisoka. That definitely wasn't a good sign for more than one reason. I had seen him yesterday morning, at the briefing. Then I went with Watari and we registered into the hotel, and got set up for the case. The meeting was the last time I had seen him, I think. The one and only mission we had done together I had not forgotten, but it was like he wasn't even there. Thinking back on it, it was odd, the way things went. I know what happened, but all things that related to him where hazed out, as though someone had taken an eraser and specifically tried to rub him out of my memory.

Fear and anxiety are quickly ripping at my stomach. I had done that. I had tried to forget him, and any interaction that had occurred between us. He was kind to me yesterday, and made me smile. He made me feel… Happy? Is that what that painful feeling was? Of course it hurt, that's why I wanted to forget; forget anything that is painful.

But… It's not like I wanted to. It's not that I didn't want to remember him! If anyone was to find out that I was starting to have selective amnesia… I don't know what they'd think; what they would do? A small voice deep inside my head starts then; quietly whispering an answer I don't want to hear.

They would get rid of me.

Either sending me back to that place, or simply disposing of me. I can understand why though; they wouldn't want an unstable monster on their hands. Not if there was a chance they couldn't control it. A small, pathetic smile pulls up on my lips at the irony of that thought. I already am unstable. I have been for some time now, and this last instance of memory laps is only one example of that. How did things turn so wrong? When did I get like this? Was I always this way?

I don't know when it had started, or if it slowly built up over time, but more and more I could care less if I remained in this world. However, I still smile, I still laugh. Not really, but close enough so they won't question; I hate those questions. 'How are you?' 'Are you alright?' They aren't for me, it's not like they care. It's all to make sure that I am still able to function, to carry out the duty they have given to me. If I can't, then I'm of no use to them. So I smile, and they don't ask. I laugh, and they don't stare at me with those eyes. If only I could end it all.

Whatever my reason was for hanging on so long; that reason, the only reason I had to keep living has slipped far away from me now. It would be better if I could just fade away.

'_What are you talking about, you coward!_' A familiar voice rings softly behind my ears, a mocking version of my own.

'I'm a coward? But, it was just for _that_ reason I held on. I wasn't afraid of letting go of this world.'

'_Then what's so wrong with now?_' The voice in my subconscious banters at me, mockingly. '_You already are useless. This was just proof of that. You can't even remember someone you haven't seen in less then a day?_'

'I didn't mean to forget him. Really, I didn't! I didn't mean to…'

'_That's the same excuse you've used over and over again already, isn't it?_' Pressing my hands down on my ears, I try and drown out the voice that is so very cruel. However, the attempt only serves to strengthen it. '_You didn't want to remember, just like everything else. You choose to forget, running away again from anything that is slightly unpleasant. That's why you're a coward; in every aspect of your excuse for a life. Why ARE you even hanging on? You're useless to anyone._'

'No, I'm not completely useless. They needed me. They came for me, because they could use me. They have kept me for this long…'

'_They weren't going to. The only reason you're still there is because Tatsumi and Konoe pleaded on you're behalf. After you_-,'

"SHUT UP!!" Shoving my hands even harder against my ears and pressing my eyes shut, I shake my head violently side to side. Desperation to dislodge this voice from my head taking over the entirety of my being.

'_You are a coward. Look! You're trying to deny anything unpleasant! But more then that…_'

"Stop it…" I can feel the words cross my lips, broken, like a child's. 'I don't want to hear it.'

'_You ARE useless, to anyone around you_,' my eyes, as if on command, open and look down at the boy in front of me. Hisoka, the proof of those words of contempt, lay on the bed. I couldn't help him then. I failed him, I left him alone and he was tortured, nearly killed, and it was entirely my fault. I failed him. That thought alone was enough, but now that I really was starting to question my sanity, or every other aspect of my existence, I have come face to face with just how utterly pointless it is. My waiting was useless, and my existence was only causing pain to everyone around me. The chief, for all the problems I have caused, and continue to cause through my work in the NSF. Tatsumi, for that horrible sin I committed against him. Watari who is always trying to show me happy smiles, and in return I can only mirror and offer hollow words and lies. Hisoka…

Hisoka is the one I betrayed the most.

I was suppose to be there for him; to protect him. As his partner it was my obligation, but through a stupid decision I left him alone to face all those cruelties. He made me smile a real smile, the first in more years then I can remember. He made me feel something other than the loneness. Even though he's still here, alive, there is nothing I can do to repay him for what he's done. I doubt he even knows the gifts he's given me, and in return there is nothing I can do for him. The only thing I have ever been able to do, to give, was pain.

It's not even that my existence doesn't matter; it's that everyone would have been better off without me if I had ended it a long time ago. If I had finished this, then it wouldn't hurt like it does now either. I wouldn't be broken and totally useless like I am now.

I wouldn't be alone anymore; I wouldn't be anything…

"_Then come with me..._"

"What?!" Spinning in my chair, I look over my shoulder. This wasn't the same voice, it was different then the one just a second ago. Words spoken as if on the wind, bidding me, drawing my attention to something. Looking around the room I find, that besides the blond on the bed, I'm alone. Am I hallucinating now too? There is another soft noise, this time in front of me. Turning back around a sharp pain shoots up my knee.

"Ouch!"

"Shut up…" Those words follow a different tone than the ones that had called to me a second ago. I know this voice, normally so full of agitation and anger, though now is dimmed, is filled with both. The fist that hit my knee has not moved from the spot where it landed, still curled.

"Hisoka…?"

"Just… Shut up." His body is turned away from me so I can't see his face. I don't know how long we stayed like that, in the silence, with his fist still in the spot where it had landed. Eventually his arm retracted, giving me one more punch with a well placed 'idiot' before pulling away. He never looked at me, not once. I was glad; I needed to be able to put my self back together. If he had seen me, if he had looked at me when I had fallen apart, I don't know what I would have done. I do know that I wouldn't have been able to pull back into myself, putting up the proper 'Tsuzuki' façade. I don't know why, but I know if he had seen me like that, I would have remained broken forever. A long time passed before I could even begin to put back up the usual face, the voice. Even longer before I dared to say anything else, afraid that my voice would break and expose me for what I really was.

"What happened?" The question is a tentative one. I know he doesn't want to answer, I knew that before I had even asked, so I was a little shocked to even hear a response.

"I was the center of attention in a crowd," The words aren't irritated as they have always been, just a statement of facts. "I wouldn't have passed out like that, but when that girl touched me…"

"It was just a little too much?"

"If that wasn't the understatement of the year," He sits up and looks at me with his last words, a little cockiness in his voice.

"Did you want to stay here for a bit longer?" What am I doing?? First of all, the question is a cover. Not so much asked for his well being, but because I want him to stay. Of all things, I shouldn't be asking him to stay like that. I should be alone right now. I just realized how completely crazy I've become, I shouldn't want anyone to be around me for the fear of if they realized it too. However, right now, I'm scared of myself, of what I'll do, but more then anything else…

I don't want to be alone.

"Stupid, I can't," Using his arms he pushes himself to the other side of the bed, letting his feet slid down to the floor. "My mission is to interact with the students and see if I can find the killer. You already have this aspect of the school covered."

"Ah, of course…" That's right, I have a mission. It doesn't matter how unstable or insane I am. There's a killer running somewhere around the school. Peoples' lives are in danger this very minute and I'm thinking about myself? I'm selfish. Hisoka stood up, and moved for the door, yet stopped before leaving, letting out a soft sigh.

"You know though…" There was a slight hesitation in his words, as though he wasn't sure that they should be spoken. "I can bring you some lunch later, if you want?"

"That… would be great." I do my best to smile then, as he turns those eyes to me. He looks right through that smile. Even though I've been trying to shove up as many barriers as I could, it's as if they aren't even there. However, if he has any clue as to my current state of mind he doesn't say as much. He just nods his head carefully, and leaves, quietly closing the door behind him.

All life, sound, everything leaves this room with the click that resounded in the air when that door shut. I know now, even if he returns, no matter who else walks in; I am alone. Nothing has changed that, and nothing ever will.

I will see this mission through. I will do everything to stop the killings, to save those last three marked for death. Once everything is finished, and everyone is finally safe again, I'll end it. I know I can, as hard as it is to kill this body, it is possible. Everyone will be better for it; as will I.

'This will be my last mission.'

A small sense of peace fills me at that thought.

(((()-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------())))

Hisoka was really trying hard to concentrate as he passed through the halls, attending the various classes. Feeling as far as his empathy would dare, he searched the school for anyone who stood out. The problem was _everyone_ stood out! Teenagers, it seemed, ran very high on the emotional spectrum. Also, he was not used to being surrounded by so many of them either. It was really giving him a migraine to try and keep all the emotions that pushed so strongly against him from taking over. God forbid he should jump up and declare his undying love for whoever the girl sitting next to him has a crush on. He'd much rather die… again!

Currently he was in his science class, and was being taught by a very bubbly and up beat FREAK of a science teacher.

"OKAY KIDS!!" Watari's arms where flailing about as he tried to imitate a plant during photosynthesis… if that was even possible. Looking at him do it though, apparently it was. Not really trying to pay attention to the lesson, Hisoka kept only his pencil in hand doodling all over his notebook. He appreciated art; however was a horrible artist, as all his drawings where of a very unhappy stick figure. Realizing it needed hair, the empath quickly sketched some in.

The drawing was to help keep him grounded, and help him concentrate while his empathy was taking on the barrage of the entire class. In the end he really wasn't paying attention to the sketch, until he had finished it. The stick figure alone didn't look like much, but somehow with that hair he had added it looked just like Tsuzuki. Blushing profusely, Hisoka turned the page over, hopping to hide his unintentional art. Well, he had been trying not to think about that either. Normally it wasn't hard for him to completely write someone off, especially when he wanted to. And right now, more then anything, he did not want to think about that man.

It was disturbing to say the least.

He had been unconscious, and he thought he was dreaming. He was standing in a black void, full of nothing. Somehow though, he knew he wasn't alone. Looking around, he saw a child. He was curled up, with his arms wrapped tightly around his knees, weeping and begging for someone to stop. Another child was yelling at the boy; a child who was little more then a shadow. The boy who was curled up only cried as the other shadow covered child kept yelling things, things Hisoka could not hear, but whatever they where they only made the sobbing child shake harder as tears streamed freely. Until, in a small moment, Hisoka could feel the pain in the crying child fade away into nothing; emptying of all emotion.

It was cold.

Everything, in the black void turned cold, that's the only way Hisoka could think to describe what he felt then. Empty, cold, alone… Even thinking about it now sent shivers down his spine. Hisoka didn't like the feeling at all, it was something he knew, something he'd felt before himself; empty, cold and alone. The veiled child reached out to the boy whose tears had ceased to flow, his once shaking body stilled. Shadowed hands reached for him, caressing the chocolate brown hair of the other boy. Then, ever so gently, they reached down, sliding along the other's face, and gently wrapping those black fingers around the child's throat. The other boy lifted his head granting better access for his attacker. Deep purple eyes looked on at the one who strangled him, and he did nothing to stop it. Purple eyes quickly hazed over, accepting the death that was whispering inside the dark abyss.

Hisoka tried to cry out to them, to stop the murderous act that was happening before him. He tried to move toward them, to do something, anything to stop the horrid scene that played out in front of his eyes. However, his feet had frozen to the ground, a weight sealing any attempt to move forward as cold, dark hands, as gently as possible, strangled the life out of the other. Screaming with all his might, using every last reserve of strength he had, Hisoka made a single step forward. His existence, which until this point had not even been acknowledged by either of the children, was made present to the attacker who tilled his head up. It was either that small movement, or that scream, that caused the shadowed child to turn his head and look at their interloper. Hisoka could see the purple eyes that returned his gaze, and he could also now see the attacker clearly. The two boys looked identical, like twins. The only difference was that one pair of eyes where fading any sign of life, and the other set was now blazing with it. At the moment he looked into them, fear had tightened around his heart. They mocked him, somehow knowing he was powerless to stop anything, and they burned alive with that knowledge.

Even now, sitting in a classroom full of people, he couldn't escape the anxious feeling that had pulled over him. Hisoka was an empath, psychic to that extent, but not a prophetic one. He never claimed to have any ability to discern into the future; however it felt as though something horrible waited on the horizon.

"Hey, Hisoka?!" a quick wave of a hand in front of Hisoka's face awakened him back into the present. A girl with pale blue hair was beaming down at him, and a quick look around the room revealed all the other students had either left or where talking in groups as they ate their lunch. "Are you back with us now?"

"Uhh, yeah," Hisoka turned his eyes away from the girl whose own eyes where trying to search his. Reaching around his chair, the blond grabbed his bag and started to get up to leave the class.

"Umm, so how are you doing?" Hisoka turned his head to find the girl trailing him to the door, worry protruding clearly from her. "Like before, you collapsed…" Looking over the girl again, recognition hit the empath. She was the one who had caused him to collapse earlier. Waving his hand a little to dismiss any concern, stating he was alright.

"It's just anemia, I hadn't eaten anything yet," The lie was only a partial truth, but of course he wasn't about to say he was empathic and her touching him had sent his ESP over the edge.

"Well, it's lunch time now, so…" The girl moved in closer to him, and Hisoka took a step back. Sukeko looked saddened by the act, but it only lasted a second before a smile reclaimed her face. Accepting the distance, she remained in her spot, lifting up an obento wrapped in a 'Hello Kitty' handkerchief. "Could we eat lunch together?" Words of rejection where ready to part his lips at the request, however, Hisoka's reply was cut short by another man's voice.

"Leave him alone Sukeko," Turning his gaze to the side, Hisoka spotted the other boy from their morning 'meeting'. "You don't need a repeat of this morning do you? He probably passed out because he couldn't breath, with you smothering him and all." The words were of a jesting nature, however they also held an edge to them.

"Oh, be quiet Hijiri!" Sukeko blushed as she defended herself against the verbal jest, "He said he's anemic!"

"Yeah, I'm sure that's what he'd say just to be nice," The angered glares and agitation that the two shared where clouding up the room as Hisoka could swear he saw lightening flash between them. Hisoka was going to take the opportunity to leave when another voice came from the door way behind him.

"Don't pout so much Hijiri. Are you jealous that Sukeko has found a new toy?" The words where spoken with a sweet and light humor brimming over every syllable. It was the voice, that beautiful and lovely voice that sent cold chills down Hisoka's spine. Turning around, Hisoka came face to face with a girl who donned short black hair, and deep blue eyes. She was an image in her the school's outfit, slim but with soft curves where they mattered, and a strikingly beautiful face. Pink lips pulled back in a knowing smile as Hisoka stood frozen in his spot, unable to take his eyes off the girl before him.

"Tsubaki-san!" Hijiri pushed past Hisoka, trying to defend himself from the beauty's accusation. "It's not like that at all. I could care less if Sukeko finds someone else! I'm only worried that she'll kill this new guy with what happened before…" Hisoka could feel the urgency emitting from the boy as well as hear it coming from every word. Tsubaki clucked her tongue off the top of her mouth waved a hand to dismiss away the explanation.

"You don't have to explain yourself to me, Hijiri. It's not like it matters to me if you like that girl." Her eyes fell on Sukeko, who was now standing beside Hisoka. She looked indifferent, but she was only bottling up her anger, her mouth clenched closed tightly. "After all, it's a good thing if you like Sukeko-chan," Tsubaki continued in a voice the was very proper and well mannered, "You just need to make sure not to sound so jealous, it's unflattering." Tsubaki shot a polite smile at all of them before working her way past them into the room. As she passed Hisoka, her eyes locked onto his, a small and almost cocky smile was given to him, and him alone. Hisoka didn't watch her go, keeping his eyes locked on something in the distance in front of him. Hijiri, however, moved to follow Tsubaki, but Sukeko grabbed the youth by the arm, worry and concern pouring out of her

"Don't Hijiri!" It was a pleading and desperate whisper. Hijiri only looked down at Sukeko, his eyes and face conveying a million different feelings, all of which Hisoka could read clearly. They were feelings of frustration, anger, embarrassment, sorrow, longing, and almost a thousand more where pushing out of the boy in waves.

They remained frozen in that spot, eyes locked onto each others. It was Hijiri who finally broke the gaze, jerking his arm away from Sukeko's desperate grasp, and nearly knocking the girl off her feet in the process. Hijiri turned and stalked out of the room, never glancing back to see the small hand that reached out to him. Hisoka didn't understand all that had just happened, but he couldn't care less about the 'love and lives of the teens'. Whatever sort of fucked up love triangle was going on was definitely not foremost on his mind right now. There were a million thoughts and questions running through his head, and all of them centered on a girl with short black hair, and a guised smile.

"Tsubaki…" The name rolled of his tongue as though the name was foul to the tastes. Unconsciously, Hisoka's grasp on his schoolbag tightened. He had forgotten that Sukeko was standing next to him until she coughed lightly into her hand, trying to draw attention to the fact that she was still there. A strange sensation washed over the empath then. It came and left so quickly, he couldn't seem to put his finger on quite what it was. It was almost pleading, yet seemed graver than that, stronger, but as to what, he couldn't say before the feeling left him completely.

"So… can I eat lunch with you…?" The question was meek, expectant of a rejection. That was exactly what Hisoka had intended to give, but the pain in her eyes, and desperate need not to be alone that flowed freely from her somehow made the word 'no' sour in the empath's mouth.

"Sure." The accepting response was as much a surprise to him as it was to Sukeko, who looked up very shocked at him; shock was quickly replaced with grateful delight as a smile spread across her face. Hisoka adverted his gaze from that happy smile, cursing himself the second the words had left his mouth. It was that familiar feeling that made him say yes, that feeling of needing to be with someone. It hit Hisoka a second later of why that feeling was so familiar, as he cursed out loud with the return of the remembered promise. "Actually, I can't, I promised to take lunch to the nurse… as a 'thank you' for taking care of me this morning." Hisoka tried to explain to the girl who's face fell for only a second at the rescinded acceptance. Her eyes lit back up a beat later with a smile though, as she moved to the door.

"No, that's fine," She motioned for him to come after her, "We'll both go, okay?"

"Right…"

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Hijiri's fist made contact with the wall, a loud 'thud' filling the empty music room. The pain was what he was looking for, what he needed to keep himself grounded in his body. The pain, reminding him he had a body. It may have sounded crazy, in fact it probably was, but with no one here to judge him he could seek release at least this one way. He hated so much sometimes it felt like his emotions would destroy him if he held them in much longer. Hitting a wall wasn't something that he did just to hurt, but something to keep his mind in check, to keep the feelings he had from exploding and consuming his soul.

Gingerly Hijiri cradled his wrist to his body, letting his back seek the wall for support, which in turn wasn't enough to steady his shaking legs. His body slid down the cold wall, coming to a small curled heap on the floor. The assault against the room had gashed his hand and sent ribbons of pain reverberating up the length of his arm. He continued to sit in that spot, looking down at nothing. There was only so much one could take before they break, right? Then what he was feeling now, was this it? Was this the breaking point? Pushing dark images from his mind, Hijiri tried with all his might to think of the one thing that was… that had been worth everything.

'Had been…' so then, that's it. He wasn't anything to her was he? He didn't have anything left then, nothing to live for, so then why? Why was he here? Pressing his one good hand to his face, Hijiri tried to hide from the empty room, feeling a need to disappear from everything. Whispering into the emptiness, Hijiri let out a plea to the one who could not hear it.

"There's only so much you can take before you break… So stop it…"

………………………..tbc

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notice my little divider had to change TT

Author's note:

First of all… A BIG HUG AND THANK YOU to my wonderful Beta Ochika! first beta ever so I'm very exited XD I've got the next chapter in the works and should be posted by Sunday I do believe

Now, on the story; yep, that's right. Tsuzuki has snapped, completely lost it. I actually feel really bad for everyone in this arch, so I had to keep taking breaks while writing this chapter, but I'm buckling down with next one so it'll be out much sooner

For characters, welcome in Sukeko!! Yeah, another OC. I was actually shocked by the amount of good responses I received for Rina, so I hope that you'll also find Sukeko to your liking too. Also, Tsubaki and Hijiri are mixed in now… oh the fun of where this is going

Next chapter will start to tie things up a little bit more, and have everything atleast start making sense (and dare I say finally a look at some real romance scenes…??)

Thank you for the C&R everyone!! (yes, I probably should move this story to Angst now that I'm thinking about it… it's very much deserving of that category…) Please support my need for critics and reviews (as I know I suck ; ) and want to produce each chapter better then the last.

A big 'thank you' to everyone who is helping try to make that possible


	11. Rippled Reflection

Disclaimer: Yoko Matsushita is the creator of all Yami no Matsuei and all its characters. OC(s) so far include Rina Ito, and Sukeko Masaoka.

Beta reader: Ochika

Warning(s): Okay, this chapter is closer to 'R' in rating for bad language, and implications at adult situations. I don't think the few bad words or implications mean it equals R yet (more like pg-14), but just a warning

Pairings: TsuxSoka, TasxTzu, and MurxSoka. More later…

POV: First person POV will always be Tsuzuki and no one else; however POV will change when I feel it's best for the story.

Notes: Again, '…' thoughts and …is memories,

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Rippled Reflection

"He loves her, you know?"

Actually, yes, Hisoka knew that. He knew the moment he saw Hijiri's eyes fall on Tsubaki. He also knew he didn't give a shit. Okay, amend that, he didn't give a shit that Hijiri was in love, what he DID care about is that it was with that girl. Hisoka's mind was filling with a million shadows of unpleasant thoughts, and all of them were centered on his new 'class president' Tsubaki.

Sukeko had taken the lead in the conversation on the way to see Tsuzuki, deciding for Hisoka that he wanted to know the school's drama. From what Sukeko was prattling on about, Hisoka received a complete synopsis on 'the loves and hardships of Hijiri'.

Hijiri was in love with Tsubaki, the Madonna of the school it seemed. She was perfect in everyway, going off with what Sukeko had told him. While Hijiri wasn't bad looking, and even though he was an excellent student, popular opinion did not look favorably upon him. He was an orphan, adopted at the age of four by a well to do family. The fact that he was an orphan wasn't what tainted him in the eyes of his peers; it was his low birth status, and his false standing given to him under his adopted family. He had 'lacked the pedigree' that most of the other students in the private school shared. Or that is what the bullies who ran the school said. The truth, as Sukeko told it, was that they where jealous of Hijiri. Hijiri was highly intelligent, always getting good grades, was handsome, and was a genius when it comes to playing the violin. Sukeko had told him a number of awards Hijiri had won, though Hisoka didn't bother to remember what they were.

When Hijiri came forward to Tsubaki and told her that he liked the distinguished girl, Tsubaki didn't respond to his proclamation, but simply smiled and walked away from him. That bit really irked the gossip-goddess as she went on and on about the cruelty of playing with people's emotions like they were nothing for quite some time. That actually wasn't so bad as far as Hisoka was concerned; he held a particular distaste for Tsubaki in his own heart. The empath knew first hand just what kind of games the school's Madonna was capable of.

A bright yellow caught Hisoka's eye as he passed one of the halls, the boy's feet stopped their progress as his head crooked to look down the darkened hallway. Yellow police tape marked off the empty corridor, the hall where the first three children had died. Sukeko hadn't realized that she was talking to herself for several minutes until she looked over and found no one there. Spotting Hisoka standing a little ways back she turned around and did a tiny jog to return to her classmate's side.

"I heard some one died here recently," the blond commented, looking at the tape that banned entry down the other hall. He could recognize the area from the crime photos he had seen yesterday in the briefing. Sukeko gave a small hesitated nod that the empath caught out of the corner of his eye. This was a good time for him to try and learn something, as a matter of fact, it was a perfect time Hisoka reasoned. He wasted no time in pressing the topic with the girl who seemed to know everything that happened in the school. "Did they catch who did it?" Turning to look at the girl, Hisoka tuned in his empathy as he waited for the girl's answer. She looked down the hallway as she answered, never taking her eyes off the crime scene.

"No."

"When? There's still tape up here so it must have been recent." Hisoka tried pushing the subject farther. His companion didn't answer the question at first, but not because she was nervous, frightened, or suspicious as the empath gleaned by scanning her emotions. She was thinking, lost in deep thought. Hisoka waited expectantly, watching the pale haired girl next to him as she finally returned his gaze and blushed under it.

"Sorry, spacing out a bit there," Sukeko laughed as she rubbed the back of her head. Hisoka was about to ask the question again, but she answered without the prompt, "You're right, it was recent. It was only two days ago. Three boys died here," She continued to explain as they continued their walk, "It was these three bullies; Kishima, Matsuura, and Yamaguchi. They were all highly privileged kids, always getting their way because their parents have money and gave huge donations to the school. Because of that, the teachers and everyone else would look the other way if any one of those boys broke the rules."

"It sounds like you didn't like them," Hisoka commented on her tone and description of them. Sukeko scrunched up her nose a little and shook her head in reply.

"No, I can't say I did. They where horrible; hazing all the new kids and torturing others that they just didn't like. I suppose I should be sad that they're dead, but, in all honesty I'm not." Arriving at the Nurse's Office, Sukeko turned to look into Hisoka's eyes, "It might be bad to think like that, but that's my honest opinion. They had it out for quite a few people, making their lives hell, and no one did anything about it! I'm not really surprised that they died." While she spoke she stared into Hisoka's eyes, looking for something though the empath wasn't too sure of what. She must have found what she was looking for, because she nodded slightly, and leaned in to whisper the last. "They said it was an accident, but from what I heard it sounded like they were killed. A lot of people had grudges against them, so is it really such a surprise?"

"I don't--," Hisoka's reply was cut off by a loud laugh that erupted from the Nurse's Office. Sharing a look with Sukeko, the two opened the door a jar and peeked in. What they saw inside made both their eye's bulge and their jaws drop. On the far side of the room Tsuzuki, the nurse, was laying on one of the beds, pinned down and being straddled by none other then their science teacher, Watari! The 'science teacher' had both of Tsuzuki's wrists in one hand, held above the other man's head, and was sitting on top of Tsuzuki. The blond was leaning in close to their nurses face, and it looked like he was about to kiss him, but Sukeko gingerly closed the door before they had a chance to watch the act play out before them.

Hisoka jumped back when he heard the door give a light click as it closed. Not that he was startled by the sound, but because he was startled that his initial urge was to burst through the door and demand an explanation from them! Sukeko grabbed the empath by his arm though, and quickly lead him away from the room. Even if he didn't like contact with anyone, Hisoka was grateful that she took him away from there before he did something that he would no doubt regret a second later.

"I don't think they should be bothered right now," the girl blushed as she led them farther away. Passing a glass trophy case, the empath caught his reflection in the mirror and noticed his own blush was rivaling the girl who was pulling him through the school. Trying to stop the heat that rose to his face though proved a vain attempt as it only made the heat in his face increase. What bothered him more than his predisposition to imitate a tomato was what he had just seen, or, more accurately, his initial reaction to it.

It wasn't that he was about to see two guys kiss, hell, he wasn't offended at all by something like that! But this was more than two guys kissing. This was Tsuzuki and Watari!!! No, what was really bothering him was just the Tsuzuki part, or was it the part where Watari was going to kiss Tsuzuki and Tsuzuki didn't seem to mind? 'Tsuzuki shouldn't be kissing anyone else!' As what the empath's heart was saying started to be processed by his brain, Hisoka stumbled, nearly falling on his face. There's no way he should be thinking something like that! Why should it bother him?! And what was the whole thing about 'kissing anyone else' he berated himself, more than sure his face was as red as crimson.

'It's not like I've ever kissed the man, OR that I care to!' he told himself, yet, no matter how many times or ways he told himself that, it didn't stop the pain that was pushing into his heart. What was wrong with him? Why did he care about something like that? More importantly, why did it feel like he was sinking inside?

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I can't help but laugh at the situation I'm finding myself in. Plus, it doesn't help that Watari has me pinned down and is using his free hand to tickle me all over! He came in to talk, and somehow it ended up in a tickle war. One, that I would like to point out, he had started, and was currently winning at. After begging for him to stop, declaring my defeat, he sits back, and smiles triumphantly down on me. Leaning in, the blond whispers gleefully, "I get the bed tonight!" Laughing again, I wiggle my wrists free and roll the other man off of me, dropping him to the floor where he lands with a rather loud thump.

"Really, Watari!" I chuckle lightly as I wipe the tears from my eyes. "We have to find another way besides this to decide who gets to sleep in the bed. Haven't you ever heard of 'Rock, Paper, Scissors'?" I ask the man as he stands up and brushes the dirt from the floor off his lab coat. The blond smirks in response.

"But 'Rock, Paper, Scissors' takes no real skill," Watari tried to reason, "Winning a tickle war though? Now that, my friend, _that_ takes real skill!" Though I think the only real skill it shows is how to surprise someone from behind and pin them down, but I'm not going to say that. Moving to the desk, Watari picks up an obento and hands it to me along with some chopsticks. Never to be one who's shy around food, I show one of my best smiles as I accept it, and waste no time opening the box to expose the assortment of foods that lie hidden under it's lacquer top. The food is excellent and the smell is delightful, but seeing it makes me loss my appetite.

"What's wrong?" Looking up at my friend, sitting down in the chair across from me and starting to eat his lunch, who has stopped and is now looking at me; his face painted with concern. Quickly covering up my face with a smile, I pick up the chopsticks and wave them in the air to dismiss any apprehension.

"It's nothing," I lie as I take my first bite of the obento, "Hisoka said he was gonna come by, but I guess he got really busy though," The food doesn't taste all that great, so I find myself poking the barbequed eel with the chopsticks instead of eating it. I'm not really hungry, and food never tastes right when you're not hungry. Watari makes an 'Ahhhh' sound, and then continues to eat his lunch but doesn't cease the smile he has fixed on me.

"You know," The blond states in between bites of food, "I'm glad that you two are getting along." My eyes go wide as I stare up at him. I swear he must be losing his mind, or testing one of those drugs he's been working up on himself if he thinks that we're getting along! Seeing the way I'm staring at him, Watari bursts into laughter, then coughs lightly in his hand trying to cover up his amusement. Though I don't see what's so funny. Shaking his head, the bubbly man dismisses his statement, saying "Never mind." Returning my eyes to the boxed lunch, I find poking at it to actually be rather fun.

"Actually, I was getting worried about you there for a bit," my recreational poking of the eel in the obento stops as every muscle becomes rigid with those words.

"What do you mean?" Not looking up I can hear the other man humming lightly in thought, deciding how to answer the question I posed to him.

"Well, after that whole business about you and Hisoka being partners, and then you dropping him. Oh! And on a side note, I must say that shocked me Tsuzuki-san, but it's good to hear that you two are at least talking now." Placing his chopsticks down to give me his full attention, Watari looked at me seriously. It's rare to see him so serious, and I can't help but fidget under that gaze, and it's not helping that I'm not very comfortable with the subject choice here either mind you. Leaning in, the blond places his hand on mine, looking straight into my eyes. "I was worried there after you broke it off, because you seemed like you where becoming distant to everyone again. You look better now though," amber eyes smiled at me as his hand gave mine a small, reassuring squeeze, "I just want you to know that you can come to me for, you know, whatever."

"Oh, of course," I lied as I smiled back at my friend. Watari doesn't recognize it as a lie though, as he returns the smile and continues to eat his lunch, me eating mine too as to show I'm all right. I really look better? Well, if that's true, it's probably because I am. I've finally accepted my fate, and with that it feels like a strange weight has been lifted from my shoulders. We ate and talked about everything we learned that day, which equaled to nothing. Throughout the entire time, I couldn't help but think that if Watari knew the real reason I was okay, would he be angry? Or, even more so, will he be mad at me after I kill myself?

I wonder if he'll realize then, that that's the reason I'm 'okay' now, and maybe he'll be okay with that.

After waving goodbye to Watari, I decided to re-double my efforts to gather information from the students who have been coming in with whatever stomach flu seems to have encompassed the entire student body.

I want it to be over soon…

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Once they where a good distance away from the Nurse's Office, which equaled almost halfway across the school, Sukeko finally stopped and pulled Hisoka into a room, lazing her grip on his arm. Pulling his arm completely free, the blond looked around their current surroundings to see if he recognized where they where. It was an empty class room, one with a fake human skeleton on the other side of the room, and diagrams and charts of the human anatomy adorning the walls. A few jars were lined up along the window on the far side of the room, preserved fetuses from different animals resting in the fluid within. Pushing his hand to his mouth, Hisoka tore his eyes away from those jars. Horrible images he had fought to bury came again, filling his mind.

'How could people do something like that?'

"Want to eat lunch here then?" Looking up at the girl like she had grown two extra heads Hisoka cursed, and gave a disgruntled 'no', as he turned to leave.

"I'm not really hungry anymore," The empath offered by way of explanation as he left the room. He half expected the girl to follow him, but was relieved when she didn't. Checking his watch he found he still had thirty minutes before he had to go back to class, and decided instead to walk around the grounds of the school.

The school was actually fairly small, he noted, as he could find his way outside without help. Even though it was small, it did have its good points Hisoka thought as he passed to the back of the school and found a beautiful garden that was circled in chamomile bushes and sakura trees. The gardener must have been paid a pretty sum as the landscaping for the endeavor was nicely planned, and well maintained. There was even a small koi pond in the center of the garden that had a bridge arched across its center. Walking onto the bridge, Hisoka stared down into his own reflection, watching as koi fish swam just below the water's surface, sending tender ripples through the water.

It probably would be considered rude to just drop the person who was being nice to you, the empath conceded as he remembered just how he had walked out on Sukeko, but the room was evoking all kinds of ghastly memories to the forefront of his mind. It also didn't help that there were reminders everywhere that the source of those bad memories, Muraki, was only a ribbon's length away. He should have been able to take it, but seeing those jars had made the bile rise in his throat.

Resting his hands on the wood railing of the bridge, Hisoka despairingly pressed his forehead into them. He was exhausted; mentally and physically. It had been a roller-coaster ride ever since he came to the NSF. Starting with his meeting of Tsuzuki and then everything else that happened in the week that followed. It was odd to think that it had only been a week. A week that he had been kidnapped, sliced up, and nearly killed. Okay, all that was on the first day, which was, by the way, just a _great way_ to start off! Then, thinking that Tsuzuki knew he was dead, and having that tear him up with worry and anger. That little instance was smoothly followed by his un-expected, drop-in visit from Muraki, one where he was lucky as hell Tatsumi had come along when he did and not a few minutes later. Hisoka really didn't think that his body being sprawled beneath some stranger in the infirmary room would have been overlooked by that meticulous man, or anyone else for that matter. Oh, and let's not forget the meeting with GuShoShin! That was a nice little trip, one that almost blew his cover. Now, he also had to add his new class president 'Tsubaki-san' to the things that where going to be giving him migraines. Yeah, he was tired.

All the others things, Hisoka reasoned, he _probably_ could have handled decently, but then add on top of that Tsuzuki and… Closing his eyes in thought, Hisoka went back to when he had been alone, blacked out in the attack he had endured under Maria, or whatever demon it was that had been controlling her. He had seen Tsuzuki in that void. At first he had dismissed it, but then just this morning he had been back in that void again, and again with Tsuzuki… or at least he was pretty sure that those two boys were him. No, he was positive they were; thinking back on those purple eyes left no doubt in his mind. Hisoka wasn't sure, but he had a guess about what was going on, and it terrified him.

He had started to figure it out after seeing Muraki, and then having that talk with Tatsumi in the infirmary. Placing his hand over his heart, he could feel it even now. Tsuzuki was there. Even if he hadn't seen him for those three days after they got back from their first mission, or the next three days after he broke their partnership; somehow he could feel Tsuzuki. The more time he spent around the man, the stronger this strange connection seemed to grow. Even now, when he was a good distance away from him, he could still feel his presence. Another thing that was giving him concern was his ability to clearly read the man's emotions. It was obvious that Tsuzuki had very good mental training, even if he was a scatter brain. He was able to easily call on that energy during the battle with the possessed Maria. As far as Hisoka knew, and he _did_ actually know quite a bit in this realm, that took good mental discipline. Yet, when he was around him, he could see into the older man clearly. Even more so than with the average person who was just walking down the street. The only time that that wasn't true was when he had broken their partnership, and Hisoka had actually tried to read him then too, but his shields where like steel, un-yielding as he hide his heart and intentions from him. He was trying to hide them with every ounce of strength he had then, and it had worked fairly well too, the damn bastard.

He had read him the moment he next saw him, with no shields up, or at least none that he perceived. He knew Tatsumi was telling the truth as he sat across from him in the briefing for the mission. Tsuzuki didn't end their partnership because Hisoka was the walking dead, but because he was blaming himself for what happened to the empath. As far as Hisoka could tell, he didn't even _know_ Hisoka was dead, and remembering the details of what happened back then it wasn't such a big shock either. Tsuzuki was distracted no doubt with that other girl, whom he burned to death… Even though it was to save everyone, and he had done what he no doubt had been asked to do, judging from the emotions that came from the fire and his own knowledge of the other girl, doing that had torn the man up inside. Anger for the dead girl suddenly surfaced to a level Hisoka had not expected.

'That was a horrible thing to make Tsuzuki do.'

Reason would dictate that it was the practical, logical solution. Had Hisoka been in that girl's shoes, and if Tsuzuki was the one overcome by a demon then Hisoka supposed he too would probably…

Jumping back, with only his hand's holding him from falling completely to the ground, green eyes were wide, filled with shock and horror. Why would it be like that, _ever_?? Why had he just placed himself in that scenario? He didn't care about anyone like that! He had only himself to look out for, it couldn't and had never been any other way before. What was happening to him?! Slowly the walls that the boy had built up all his life, the things he had used to live, or more like 'existed', up till this point were suddenly being moved and destroyed right before him. Giving his life up for another, caring more for their happiness, and loving them no matter what; how could he even think he could do something like that? It wasn't him, it had _never_ been him! Yet, no matter how much he wanted to deny it, to scream that it wasn't true, Hisoka knew what he would have done the same had he been in her place. He would have rather died than to live like that, true. He could understand that part, himself having experienced just what it's like to be not only at death's gate, but through it, and if he had had such a resurrection, maybe death would be a release by that point. However, if it were to be him trading his life for Tsuzuki's…? It's not that he's saying he would do it, but he wasn't so certain that he could also NOT do it. Shaking his head, trying to dislodge that twisted line of thought, Hisoka spotted a movement out of the corner of his eye. Hisoka quickly placed his usual calculated mask back into place, composing himself before he called out to his intruder.

"What are you doing here," Hisoka directed coldly to his observer who lay hidden in the chamomile garden, "Tsubaki-_hime_?" His empathy caught onto her distinct personal signature the moment he felt the intruder to his thoughts. Moving from behind the chamomile bushes, Tsubaki stood, her blue eyes dancing as they looked into jade ones that returned her gaze. Tsubaki's smile deepened at Hisoka's reaction, using her hands to brush off her skirt and straightened her uniform as she moved to join the other on the Koi Bridge.

"It's nice to see you too, Hisoka-_chan_!" Using her arms to wrap them behind the empath's head, she held him tight as she stood on her toes to give him a good sized kiss on the cheek. Yanking free, Hisoka glared at the girl who laughed behind her hand at his reaction. "Come now Hisoka," Tsubaki chided teasingly to the blond, "I know that a little 'hello' kiss on the cheek can't make you shy like that. I mean after all, I've seen the way Muraki greets you sometimes." Hisoka cursed Tsubaki in a tongue that sounded archaic; disgust and anger pouring over each of the foreign words. This only made Tsubaki laugh harder, bringing tears to her eyes. Bringing her arms around her body, she tried to hold her sides in as her body shook with the fits of laughter that claimed her. Hating her more, if that was possible, Hisoka turned his eyes away from the source of his anger and proceeded to count to ten.

"Oh! Hisoka, don't be such a spoil sport!" Tsubaki tried to wave away his anger as she tried to get her laughing under control. "Ahhh, but it is good seeing you. I missed not having someone to pick on." Grinning into angry green eyes, Tsubaki had to cough into her hand to keep from bursting out in laughter again.

"That's not the way I see it," Hisoka icily retorted, "You've got an entire school to amuse yourself with here, don't you? And on that, just why are you here? Are you the one responsible for the killings?"

"Well," Grinning impishly at the green eyed blond, she looked at him with dark, mischievous eyes, "do you think I did it, 'Mr. Detective'?" The suspicion that Tsubaki was the one that killed those boys entered the empath's mind the moment he had seen her. He doubted it was her though, not because she wasn't capable of murder, but because the murders didn't come off as her style.

Punishing the school bullies who were making their classmates' lives hell?

"No, I don't think so," the empath leveled with the girl before him, "but just because you don't sound like a defender of innocents." Bursting into laughter again, Tsubaki nodded in agreement with the cruel judgment made against her character, taking it as the complement it wasn't intended to be.

"No, it sure doesn't. I rather liked how they handled the school." Blue eyes looked down into the pond below, resuming Hisoka's forgotten 'fish gazing'. "It made the days more interesting around here." The glee that showed so clearly in her eyes was a testament to just how bad those dead students were, especially because Tsubaki was the type who enjoyed the torment of others. She was a complete sadist and one that lay on the most extreme of the spectrum. Through it all, Hisoka couldn't help but note she didn't deny being the killer either.

"Is it Muraki then?" Hisoka kept his gaze adverted from Tsubaki, looking at some point that existed in the distance.

"No," The dark haired girl answer, keeping her eyes locked on their reflections, "at least he hasn't told _me_ about anything like that." There was a chance she was lying to him, however he decided to believe her for now since this didn't seem very Muraki-ish either. Strike that, killing people in weird ways was completely Muraki's style, but he had never seen him kill people like this before. Placing a finger to her lips, Tsubaki leaned toward Hisoka, whispering just under her breath.

"I hear you're in trouble Mr. Detective," She giggled a little before continuing, "Muraki-san says to tell you 'he hasn't forgotten what you said back then,' and he wants you to tell me if it's time or not."

"No!" He didn't mean to yell, and regretted it the second he saw Tsubaki's face; no doubt, mirroring the same shock his own was portraying. "It's almost time, just… not yet," Hisoka was shaking, he knew, using the railing for support he tried to hide it from the blue eyed girl who was inspecting him very closely. "There's a place there that has everything he wants, and I've almost found a way." Turning to her at last, his green eyes became hard, and cold. It was something she would recognize as normal, and she seemed to accept it as she nodded her head slowly before looking back down into the pond.

"And the other thing," She prompted from the boy. Remembering back to the conversation he had with Muraki, Hisoka knew what she was talking about.

"...It's because he knows."

"Someone knows what?"

Grimacing at the reminder in his own folly in perception back then, Hisoka shook his head. "No, tell him, 'He doesn't, I made a mistake. Everything is fine'." Tsubaki was the curious type he knew, but he also knew that what he gave her was cryptic to anyone who hadn't been around for that particular conversation. Muraki might become angry if he didn't want Tsubaki in on this little operation and he spelled things out to her. It would be better to error on the side of caution anyways.

"I was supposed to get an estimate for it," She was heated, he could tell. She didn't like being a go-between, and it was pissing her off right now that whatever Muraki had been mad about before was 'a mistake'. He knew that the second she heard his words, as feelings of expectation, and excitement came to a screeching halt with his dismissal.

"At least three months." Hisoka kept his gaze away from the girl. After all, he didn't need to discern her emotions by reading her face, or even looking in her general direction. Hisoka was lying. In truth, he maybe only needed a day or two once this mission was finished to get what Muraki wanted, but then that would mean he would have to go back just that much sooner. Delaying, that was the only thing he was really concerned about.

"He doesn't like waiting." Her cold tone reminded next to him, though Hisoka already knew it.

"As long as he wants everything, I need to make certain. I'm accepted for the most part. I'll definitely know within three months, and Muraki will be willing to wait if it means doing it perfectly," Yeah, he knew Muraki, and that man had patients that stemmed years if they felt so inclined, or that it was worth the wait. He also knew that right now Muraki didn't have that much patients for this project, but he figured, or more hoped, that three months had been what that man considered to be the maximum amount of time he was willing to invest in this endeavor. "It's worth the time."

"He better think so," Tsubaki nonchalantly remarked humming a funeral tune. Hisoka hated her for that. It wasn't just a show; she really wanted him to fail. She could care less what the consequences to him where, in fact she'd ask to watch!

"You never told me why you are here," his tone was so cold the temperature dropped a few degrees around them.

"That, my dear, sweet Mr. Detective," Pushing herself back and away from the railing, Tsubaki turned to leave as she continued, "is none of your fucking business." Hisoka was glaring daggers down at her retreating figure as it returned to the school. Tsubaki, in response, lifted her hand behind her back extending her middle finger.

"I hate you too," Hisoka gave voice to the words she hadn't said, yet knew she intended. That was fine with him, the feeling was mutual. The bell rang a few moments later, signaling the start of class, and Hisoka begrudgingly took his own way back to the school. If he was wrong about how long Muraki was willing to wait he's going to receive another visit, and he was sure, if there was another one, he wouldn't get the luxury of them being interrupted.

.............................tbc

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Author's Notes:

Okay! This chapter is a bit shorter then the others, HOWEVER, I hoped that I either dropped a few nice bombs, or at least made some of that foreshadowing payoff with at least a small 'ahhh'… Yeah? No? Well either way, I like this chapter :) (yes, and if you're wondering, I DON'T like Tsubaki, however she actually has some depth in this story, she's not just a raving, crazy b#$ Well, a little, but it's forgivable considering…)

And I promised romance right? Even threw in a little WatxTsu in there Bet no one saw that little not-so-sex-scene coming, but that could be because I originally hadn't planned to put that in there, but why not? Will that go anywhere? Can I say? Besides, it's the best just watching Hisoka as he discovers his emotions XD (I love that).

No Muraki in this chapter but dang if his name isn't in almost every sentence. Sorry for the extreme amount of cursing but it couldn't be written any other way in this chapter, gomen!

One reason I like this one is it gives a nice sum up (which might be much needed by chapter 11) and now we get to enjoy nothing but good angsty fluff/action/drama! Character building will of course continue, I don't want anyone in this story to just stay as presented and want to build everyone into their own right.

Wanted to thank everyone who takes the time to critic and especially to those who have followed the story and reviewed it with it's progression, your words mean a lot :)


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